Observations from the Edge 9.21

You knew it had to happen soon, my venting political side just had to raise its head on this one. In a 56-43 vote earlier today Senate Democrats failed to stop a Republican filibuster on the 2011 National Defense Authorization Act, the first time since 1952 that the bill failed to pass. Now the lockstep nazified Republicans will tell you that it wasn’t because of the amendment that would have repealed ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ but rather a matter of Senate procedure. I honestly can’t believe they can stand there and say with a straight face that it was a matter of Senate procedure. What bullshit.

I cant even say that it was that it was done to once again punish President Obama because the man has been strangely quiet on the issue. So much for campaign promises. Thankfully Vice President Joe Biden tries to keep his. So that leaves only a couple of options. Either the Republicans truly hate gays or they have all been drinking that tea flavored kool aid in the backroom.

I just wanted to write something quick so ill just say one more thing. One day these 43 Senators will have their final hour and when they do I hope each and every one of them can look themselves in the mirror and make peace with themselves. Tell themselves they truly voted their conscience and didn't hold the entire US Military hostage to their damn ignorance and fears. Than I hope they have a fun hot ride down the escalator ....

Alexander (R-TN), Barrasso (R-WY), Bennett (R-UT), Bond (R-MO), Brown (R-MA), Brownback (R-KS), Bunning(R-KY), Burr (R-NC), Chambliss (R-GA), Coburn (R-OK), Cochran (R-MS), Collins (R-ME), Corker (R-TN), Cornyn (R-TX), Crapo (R-ID), DeMint (R-SC), Ensign (R-NV), Enzi (R-WY), Graham (R-SC). Grassley (R-IA), Gregg (R-NH), Hatch (R-UT), Hutchison (R-TX), Inhofe (R-OK), Isakson (R-GA), Johanns (R-NE), Kyl (R-AZ), LeMieux (R-FL), Lincoln (D-AR), Lugar (R-IN), McCain (R-AZ), McConnell (R-KY), Pryor (D-AR), Reid (D-NV), Risch (R-ID), Roberts (R-KS), Sessions (R-AL), Shelby (R-AL), Snowe (R-ME), Thune (R-SD), Vitter (R-LA), Voinovich (R-OH), Wicker (R-MS)

And a special salute to one tard who couldn’t even vote. Sorry you lost in your primary to a wingnut but jesus do your job! Than I guess Alaskan politicians tend not to finish what they start. Murkowski (R-AK)

I'll finish with my fav tweet of the day which says it all,
@Shoq Dear Republican Party: Fuck you

Observations from the Window 9.20

I am a dreamer and I always have been. I guess you could say the down side of that is I am never satisfied because I just never seem to be totally happy with where I am. From the first time my mom took me to New York I dreamed of living here. I could have moved here years ago but I think I was smart in leaving fate decide the when of the move. I’m not sure if I would have survived, both mentally and physically, if I had moved right out of college like Ash did. The girl just amazes me sometimes, the way she seems to own this city and thrives in it. I am not saying it is something I would want for myself, I’m perfectly content to sit in the window and take it all in. But it still impresses the hell out of me.

I knew this time of year would be a big test for me because it was always my favorite time of year in the mountains. I enjoyed the start of a new school year and with it the cool air, blaze of color, and the return of football. Hell I have already made two trips back and we aren’t even through September yet. But one thing I wasn’t at all prepared for was the hold the mountains still have on me, the overwhelming desire to stay. With my brother in his final semester, my job gone, and my friends moving away I just didn’t see this desire coming or think it would. So there must be something deeper than football that keeps pulling at me. It is an almost spiritual feeling, I think coming from the fact that I was happy there even in my darkest days. But that is just totally too deep to think about on a Monday morning.

So now I find myself living in New York but dreaming yet again. I dream of the mountains and see the first color splashed across the trees. But even more than that I now find myself dreaming of Paris. It isn’t a new dream at all, it’s had me sporadically working on my French for years, but it seems to occupy more and more of my thoughts. I have a strange wandering soul that always seems to be in search of something, some purpose in life, some reason. I suppose everybody has that to a certain degree. That desire to write a lasting novel, find a cure for cancer, or change the world for the better.

I can not remember a moment in my life when I didn’t want to be an artist and that was always enough. It was and is who I am and the last time I saw her I promised my mom I would never let go of that dream. But sometimes I dwell on the fact that I survived and if I survived there must be a reason for it. I don’t ever see myself painting my ‘A Starry Night’ running around the Village so now Paris has become my holy grail of sorts. And, as with everything in my maniacal life, I have no idea why.

One thing I do know is I don’t think I will leave it up to fate this time.

Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

Observations from Paternoville 9.18

Probably a little bit of inner idiocy on my part, because in a bit more than a day ill have spent eight hours on the road only to find myself at work at the gallery, but I made a solo run out to Penn State for the game today. It was a last minute thing because my brother called and said he had a ticket if I wanted it and I have never been one to turn down a free ticket to most anything. It was a gorgeous top down run across the interstate, so cool I needed a sweatshirt under my leather jacket, but my hair was a knotty mess when I pulled into the parking lot. Than again I was told I looked like I had spent the night in Paternoville so it was all kewl.

Paternoville. I have only spent one night in Paternoville, to many years ago. On the other hand my brother spent almost a week there once before a big Ohio State game a couple years ago. So what is the point? To start you get first crack at the student section seats in Beaver Stadium. The student section holds 20,000 seats but it is first come first served so if you want to be down near the field Paternoville is the best place to start. Plus it’s one hell of a party, but I wouldn’t know about that, just something I have been told. And JoePa himself has been known to stop by and bring food with him too!

I have to admit that as much as I debate where my home is this place seems more like it than any other. I moved away after spending most of ten years here but it just seems to keep pulling me back. It’s as if it owns a part of my soul. My dad made me a sports fan but PSU turned me into a fanatic. You can’t imagine a Penn State football game until you have been to one. Over a hundred thousand people cramming the stadium, the 83 year old JoePa back on the sidelines, the atmosphere just grabs you and won’t let go. Paterno first joined the PSU coaching staff as an assistant in 1950, 60 years ago. Since than the team record is 500-178-7, today was number 500.

I finished the day checking out the women’s volleyball team in Rec Hall. And yes, damnit, I watched the game. The volleyball team has won three consecutive national titles and was undefeated in all three years. The women’s soccer team has won eleven consecutive Big Ten titles. Altogether Penn State teams have won 37 NCAA national championships. And now everything is in place to add Div I men’s and women’s ice hockey. It’s my effing sports heaven is what it is.

But in the morning I will climb into Foxy and drive away yet again.

Sometimes I just wonder.

John Mayer - Waiting On The World To Change

Obswervations on Art 9.16

Last week was Fashion Week in New York with 300 collections shown over the eight days. I’m not a big follower of fashion style because black is black, leather is leather, and that pretty much describe my fashion sense but I bring it up because it coincided with the beginning of the art show season in New York. It is as if the art world goes into a summer doldrums of sorts every year which it came out in a marathon of openings last week. The trend continued this week with ArtCat listing 64 openings for just today.

I was offhandedly invited to an opening tonight at the Rick Wester Fine Art gallery in Chelsea. I almost didn’t go because the weather turned terrible late in the day but in the end I decided to go and was glad I did.

The show is titled “Untold Stories” and is a collection of photos by the photographer Jonathan Smith. I haven’t gone to many photography shows but more and more I seem to be turning to my photography as my main artistic outlet. I do want to paint in the worst way but to be brutally honest photography offers the immediate gratification that I sometimes seem to crave.

Smith’s work is in color which I shy away from. I love the subtle shades and contrasts b&w photography offers but I was pleasantly surprised at what I found at the show. Smith’s photos are drenched in deep dark intense color and they seem to almost drip with color as if they were a wet painting. I don’t know how he does it but it is something I might have to experiment with and figure out.

I’ll leave you with two links. The first is a slideshow of the photos in the show. The second is a photo I found on Smith’s website that I totally like.

slideshow
photo

The journey continues

Observations from the Library 9.15

Just going to do a little tune review for you because basically I want to do it all. I want this to be your one stop dark lesbian, artsie, geek, sports blog with liberal political undertones. Seriously yesterday Linkin Park’s new CD “A Thousand Suns” was released and I think it is so totally awesome I have to tell you about if. Now I always have been a fan of LP but more of their earlier releases which is something this reminds of.

I downloaded it this morning and have had it playing since. Everything I read about it calls it a departure from previous LP sets and that they expect legions of fans to leave because of it. I don’t see why because to me the undertone of it is more like “Hybrid Theory” than anything that has come since. It is more a synthetic album than anything they have done and I think this is where the bad reviews are coming from so maybe I’m just getting my impressions from the lyrics.

Taken as a whole the CD seems almost to be a vision of the apocalypse as Linkin Park sees it, maybe this is why i like it so much. The songs run through a cycle of pride, destruction, and regret and finish in two awesome tunes from opposite ends of the musical spectrum. ‘The Catalyst’ is classic LP lyrically but has the sound of a futuristic rave. It is a song about government of the poor and needy of the world. It is followed by the hauntingly beautiful ‘The Messenger’, a story of hope. I’ll pass along the lyrics and a vid that I got from the Linkin Park website ….

“When you feel you're alone, cut off from this cruel world
Your instincts telling you to run,
Listen to your heart, Those angel voices
They'll sing to you, they'll be your guide back home.
When life leaves us blind, Love keeps us kind, it keeps us kind,
When you've suffered enough, and your spirit is breaking
You're growing desperate from the fight,
Remember you're loved and you always will be
This melody will bring you right back home …. ‘

The Messenger
(The video is a remix but is the only thing i could find)

I suppose I should have added the words obsessive and addictive to yesterday's list.

Observations from the Window 9.14

I have been told by more than one person that my ass barely moves when I walk. That my legs are too long, my boobs are too small, that I am skinny, and that I am too tall. Than I look in the mirror and think ‘meh fuck them.”

Words that I would use to describe myself to myself include arrogant, romantic, sexy, passionate, apprehensive, rebellious, zealous, dark, and lustful. Yeah, ask anybody, I’m always lustful to a fault.

I love to read but don’t do it nearly enough anymore. There was a time I would read a book or two a week and I still do when I hit on something I really like but it doesn’t happen as much as it once did. This past spring and early summer I read Stieg Larsson’s ‘The Girl with the Dragoon Tattoo’ trilogy at the same time a friend was and we talked about them all the time. I really enjoyed that.

I think, in the right proportions, a woman’s body is the most beautiful thing the gods put on this earth. Than again have I ever mentioned I have been gay since the get go?

I am totally addicted to the web and between my Droid and my comps I am never really away from it. Conversely I almost never watch TV now because it just totally bores me. Olbermann, Rachel, and sports are about all I watch with any regularity. I never even watched the final season of ‘24’. Sometimes I do hit on something new I like though, most recently ‘Whale Wars’.

If I could visit anywhere it would be Rome, live anywhere it would be Paris, and make love anywhere it would be on Kee Beach on the north shore of Kaui.

One thing I am totally passionate about is music. I think any artist has an art other than their own that they are impassioned with and mine is music. I love any music from classical to Wagner to rock, metal, and reggae. I shy away from rap and hip hop and pretend any I do like, such as Eminem’s recent CD, is something totally diff. Hey it’s my life and I’ll call it whatever I want. For the record I do not know, nor do I care, what ambient house is.

I have been to the Jersey shore almost every year of my life but I have never met Snookie. I have never met anybody that looks, talks, or thinks like Snookie. I hope to live a long life and never, ever, meet a Snookie.

To loosely quote Churchill I am an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, surrounded by mystery. I can be your best friend or your worst nightmare.

I am what I am :)

Kings of Leon - Radioactive

Observations from the Window 9.12

I started writing this on a dreary rainy Sunday afternoon, opening Sunday of the NFL season. I was already full prepared to announce my opinion that my Eagles suck but upon further review, and an almost miraculous comeback, I will hold my opinion for at least another week.

I haven’t been writing nearly as much as I was but there are reasons for that. As I have said before I have had a lot on my mind most of which is off-limits to my blog, off limits for no other reason than I say so and it is after all my blog. Yes some things in my life continue to be personal. What was a very good run ran into a roller coaster and combined to create a bit of an emo end to the week. It got to the point that I thought the gods were indeed angry. That the gods were, for lack of a better term, fucking with me. I also think they found it in their collective hearts to apologize and so dropped that most awesome pic on me that I used in the previous post. Hopefully they have moved on to greener pastures. The three stooges of American politics (Beck, Gingrich, and Palin) would be a good place to start.

To top the emo off on Saturday PSU sports ran into a perfect storm of misfortune. Not only did the football team lose to Alabama 24-3 but the vaunted three consecutive national champion women’s volleyball team also lost. This doesn’t seem like a big deal until I tell you they had won 109 consecutive matches dating back to Sept. 15, 2007 when they lost to the same Stanford team that beat them Saturday. The nationally ranked women’s soccer and field hockey teams both had already fallen Friday. Add to that the Phillies losing to the Mets on Saturday and the Eagles debacle today and you have a sports weekend from hell.

But than Saturday, after watching the Penn State game, I spent a late evening with a good friend of mine. She always finds a way to cheer me up no matter how down I feel. I always appreciate that and probably don’t tell her that nearly enough. I guess that’s what really good friends are truly all about. When you are down they pick you up, dust you off, and send you back into your life a little better prepared for whatever the gods throw your way. When you up they enjoy it with you and never take credit for it even though a lot of credit is there due.

Life goes on

Paper Tongues - Ride To California

Observations from my Bed 9.12

I don’t normally post photos in this blog but I found this one on a tumblr site that just is so totally a look into my mind that I had to share it. From top to bottom I think I have finally found my long lost twin sister. The hair, skin, pants, hands, and yes the ass are all so me, I just wish I had taken the shot. Why the hell didn’t I think of it! Oh and I can’t forget the word, karma ….

Yes karma

Linkin Park - The Catalyst

Observations from the Window 9.7

And so Labor Day, and with it the unofficial end of summer, is past. I suppose I can say I ended it with a flourish, careening around between the Hamptons, the Village, and my mountains. It was totally a good time, spending time with Ash and seeing my brother. But it’s a strange feeling watching summer fade into fall from the perspective of the city. One of my fav things of fall was sitting in the mountains awash in every color imaginable. I have this deep fear that this fall will be dominated by grays and browns not the shades of red, orange, and yellow that I am used to. Amber and apricot, carmine and rose, but now brown and gray, I suppose I will survive this moment too.

I have been told that in some of my recent posts I have seemed to be deep in thought. I think I have said before that my life cycles seem to begin and end at this time of year. It’s a very thought provoking time of year for me, especially when change is in the air.

Sometimes I stare out the window and don’t see a thing. I stare through all the streets, the buildings, and over the bay to the foggy horizon beyond. My mind in a mysterious deep thought in which I think about everything and yet nothing at all. Life’s emotions swirl around in my mind in colors unknown to any canvas. It’s a zone very close to the way I feel when I paint but rarely do I come to any profound decisions. I just end up shaking my head and smiling to myself.

But I really have had a good run going here. A good couple of weeks topped off by an awesome Labor Day weekend in the mountains. Today I got to spend some time working at the library which is something I always enjoy for the peace and quiet. It was just another good day that got even better late in the afternoon when I received an email from my friend who is also going through some changes in her life. I won’t go into detail but it was totally awesome news. At dinner I did exactly what I told her I would and drank the biggest frosted mug of beer I could find for her. I’m just so proud of that girl.

And finally the day comes to an end. As the stars begin their late summer early fall realignment I got more good news, this from my sporting world. As I write this my beloved Phillies find themselves alone in first place for the first time since May 30th. I think that calls for another beer.

Life is indeed good right now.

30 seconds to Mars - Closer to the Edge

Observations from Paternoville 9.4

(disclaimer – the following post may contain thoughts that originated in a mind under the influence of intoxicants. KT)

There is nothing quite like opening day of football season at Penn State. The now fifty year old Beaver Stadium packed with 110,000 fans making it the second largest stadium in the nation. But on opening day the fun begins much sooner. Dawn finds my brother’s ‘tailgate chili’ beginning to simmer in the pot and the first of the beer chilling on ice.

But this day had all the makings of something special. My tenth in a row it dawned in stunning fashion with simply gorgeous weather. I have been to opening days when it was hot, days when it rained, and days you wished it would rain but never a day quite like this one. Calendar be damned it was a picture perfect early fall day in the mountains.

Tailgating starts not long after the sun rises over Nittany Mountain with the first of an endless line of cars and rvs pulling into the lots augmented by throngs of cooler toting students who have no tickets, and probably want no tickets, who will disappear to the bars and their apartments just before kickoff. Forget any diet you might be on because every kind of meat you can think of is grilling somewhere on the parking lot. And anything, I mean anything, you would want to drink is here too.

Adding to all this on opening day is the fact that all of these fans have spent the last 247 days thinking, dreaming, and planning for this day. Yes we are Penn State and yes we are that sick. The opening day opponent is normally a cake team (Penn State beat Youngstown State 44-14) so the morning takes on the feel of celebration of the beginning of a new season with JoePa. But now, in the back of your mind, you are always wondering if it will be his last.

In a new tradition I managed to stay relatively sober until kickoff. I felt just a little weird, almost as an outsider looking in for the first time. On the other hand Ash, at her first opening day since she graduated, almost repeated her last time here where she passed out before kickoff. Seems once you are a vq you find it hard to get up at dawn and party instead of doing the opposite. I found that just too funny.

Since the day I moved to the Village I have often pondered what or where I consider my home. I have moved around so much in the last few years that I sometimes feel lost. Banished from the student section of the stadium for the first time the beginning of the game found me looking down into the screaming mass of humanity. Just before kickoff my brother muttered two words. “Welcome home.” I never asked who he was talking to or what he meant by it ….

I just smiled knowingly =)

Useless info ….

The Nittany Lion mascot, well actually the student who wears the costume, was suspended for the first four games of the season after being cited for public drunkenness and underage drinking. The cheerleader, who shall remain nameless, was selected after the previous was kept from attending the Rose Bowl game as the mascot after being charged with DUI.

In a related note Penn State is ranked #3 in the 2011 Princeton Review party school rankings. Sadly that is a two place drop from their 2010 ranking. I think it is just a coincidence that I moved away during this time.

Finally, from a PSU - OSU game in 2008, the best game opening ever
JoePa

...........

a little update from the Sunday Philadelphia Inquirer
Final stand for Penn State's Paterno?

Observations from the Library 9.2

I started this blog over just over nine months and 150 posts ago and the original plan was a mix between the worlds of Katie and Kaycee but it never quite worked out that way. There are probably many reasons for that but I can put my finger on at least one. One of my Twitter contacts is called iTweetArt which is a constant line of quotes by artists and about art. Yesterday I saw this quote, “I am my own experiment. I am my own work of art.” It is a quote from Madonna and I bring it up because it says in a simpler way what I have been trying to explain for a long time now.

I first started Second Life in 2007 as a form of therapy, a way to run away from freshly burnt bridges and to stay off the doctor’s couch. With the help of some very good friends and one muse I met along the way it succeeded phenomenally well. I stayed off the couch and saved my dad a load of money. At times I have let my very emo side take over in ways i never would in real life and, in so doing, managed to bury some demons so deep that hopefully I never see them again.

In the process Kaycee became as much a part of Katie as anything else in my life. I have heard somebody say the name Kaycee in real life, answered, and promptly turned as red as a fresh beet. The strands of my two lives mingle through twitter, plurk, flickr, and tumblr. Kaycee or KC or Nightfire have become my pseudo pen names. She is quite literally a part of, and a sort of extension of, my art. The Madonna quote hit a nerve because I so completely understand it and at a certain level I relate to it.

I have seen many friends and acquaintances come and go in sl, it just goes with the territory I suppose. I have been told again and again that I myself will leave sooner or later. When you take that job at Penn State, when you move to the Village, or when you meet somebody in real life you will go. But I always seem to prove them wrong. At times I think I will be the one to turn out all the lights, say goodbye, and close the door behind me because to leave Kaycee behind would be like leaving a part of me behind too. I’ve been down that road before and don’t really want to go down there again.

This is something I have rolled through my empty brain for what seems like forever. I just hope it makes some sense and I am not just heading for that doctor’s couch anyway.

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus said “Everything flows, nothing stands still.” That seems as good a way as any to end this because I’m rambling and have to end somehow.

Pearl Jam - Just Breathe

Observations from the Window 8.31

Well hell I haven’t written in a couple days, probably one of the bigger gaps since I have started. The thing is I tend to write what’s on my mind, that being the whole idea behind the blog, but the things on my mind for the last couple days have been things of a more personal nature that I don’t want to write about. I never planned on writing about. That and I have been a little busy getting back into the swing of life after last weeks trip to the Hamptons.

Summer is winding down and the Labor Day weekend is just ahead with a road trip up to State for their first football game, a visit with the Kid, and a first look at the so called ‘tornado shelter’ he is living in during his last semester in school. So called because it is a basement apartment with only a tiny window to the outside world and he posted on his Facebook page “incase of tornado come to my place and bring beer.” That’s my brother for you, always thinking of the other guy’s safety.

I have never been a big fan of the Labor Day holiday because nothing good ever seems to happen during it and the fact that it is the unofficial end of summer is just sad. I am tired of the heat and ready for football but there was a point last week when I was watching some dolphins swim along the shore that I could have cried because the end of another summer is like the end of another chapter in the book. Sure another summer is only a year away but where will I be? It’s a feeling I get only at this time of the year. I think it is because so many of the events that are the mile markers of my life have happened in the summer.

So what all is going on. My sister just began he senior year in high school and, as good as she is, it might also be the beginning of the end of her field hockey career. She really seems to want to concentrate on her new love for photography and who am I to argue with that. As I said my brother is starting his last semester at PSU and will graduate with an Environmental Science degree with two minors. Unlike me when I was at that point of my life he is itching to get on with his life after school. It's just going to seem so weird, and more than a little sad, not having one of us at State. Than I have a good friend who, after years of work, has also come to an important point in her life. She is looking at an ending of sorts but also a new beginning and I’m so proud of her. I just want to do whatever I can to help smooth the transition but I’m not at all sure what that is.

And finally it comes back to me. I seem to have reached a crossroads of sorts myself and need to take step back and look long and hard down the road. Depending on which road i take my life could change instantly and I’m not at all good with change. I’m not good with slow change let alone the instantaneous kind so confusion reigns. So i sit and ponder on how much i would want my life to change and how much i don't.

Karma

The Rolling Stones - Blinded by Rainbows

Observations from the Road 8.28

Another early morning today followed by another walk on the beach and our Long Island excursion begins to wind down. Time to hit the beach a last time and than get out of town before the hurricane Danille generated rip currents hit the shore. A week that started out with some wretched weather is ending with some of the most glorious of this summer. Ash seems pleased with all her new contacts and I got some precious beach time before the end of days so all is good.

Yesterday we ran across a sweet gallery in Bridgehampton which is owned by a woman named Amy whose last name escapes me. The gallery is in an old factory building and hung mostly with her work, to me just a stunning combination of b&w abstract paintings. Wearing a long gothy black dress i thought Amy was rather stunning herself.

Background fact. The two townships that make up ‘the Hamptons’ sport three of the top ten most expensive zip codes in the US. Bridgehampton, where Amy’s gallery is located, is the eighth most expensive. And I had a just a regular cheese burger for lunch, who knew?

You probably realize by now that I love quotes. There is a Robert Kennedy quote that is one of my favs, "I found out something I never knew. I found out that my world was not the real world." I have had that in my sl profile since almost day one because it always seemed so right. But it seemed to fit this week in the Hamptons too or rather the inverse did. There are still times I don’t feel quite at home in the Village, it’s hard to explain but I don’t think I ever will totally feel at home there. But at times out here I felt so out of place, the football loving beer drinker in the land of polo loving wine aficionados. Real polo, not Ralph Lauren Polo for Christ’s sake. Though I don't think i would mind being wealthy I think a lot of that feeling came from the money. Some of these people have money, know they have money, and like to show each other they have money. They are friendly but fairly aloof, I got the distinct impression that some thought I wasn’t quite as good as them. I never get that feeling in Stone Harbor, which is the richer part of south Jersey. Maybe it was just the PSU sweatshirts. Karma.

Still my only regret this week was the fact that I didn’t bring along any leather. The nights were just so totally perfect for it.

Arcade Fire - Ready to Start

in honor of Glenn Beck 8.28

no words of my own are necessary ....