Why the pause? Well I could go with my brain is tired but that isn't really the case. I looked to see what was next and found I had finally run into the wall I had been dreading. The next 'truth' is my thoughts on drugs and alcohol and honestly it doesn't look like it gets any easier after that.
I was thinking about the whole thing yesterday and realized something. The more 'truths' I go through the more they seem to weave together in my head. Maybe it's just me or maybe that is how it's supposed to be, either way it's kind of intriguing to me. One day leads into another and I find myself thinking about a question with everything that came before still in my head. It's just different than how I normally write or think. Usually I concentrate my few living brain cells on one subject than write or rant and move on to the next thing. But these questions all seem to linger in my head.
I only started this because it looked like a fun idea and I didn't plan on getting as into it as I have. But all in all it has been fun so far. I have thought about a few things I never normally would have thought about. The fatalist thing is really something I have never put into words before, it's not something I ever felt the need to talk about. Than that wound right into another subject I shy away from, religion.
So I started out taking a break but instead I'm rambling here. Now that is totally how I usually think and write.
Bad Religion - American Jesus
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Thirty Days of Truths, Day 19
My thoughts on religion ....
Oh religion, something I don't think I have ever mentioned before. If there is a topic one shouldn't write about its religion because you are sure to offend somebody along the way. So I'm going to say ahead of time I don't mean to offend anybody. These are just my personal thoughts and also it isn't something I think about much so it’s really just off the top of my head.
At one time I did attend a church every Sunday morning, did Sunday school in my little print dress, but I was but a wee thing back than. My mom wanted a well rounded girl but gave it up about the time I insisted on wearing jeans to church. That would have been about the same time my rebelliousness set in, along with the first inklings of my sexuality, and I realized I just didn't belong there.
I have never called myself an atheist or an agnostic, really I never call myself anything. Is there a God? If I have to answer that my answer is no. Is there some power in control of the universe? It gets a little tricky here because I do believe in fate, I think many things happen for a reason and at times you don't have much control over it. What happens when I die? Honest answer is I'm thinking worm food but than I also believe in ghosts so I'm not so sure. To be safe I want to buried in a wooden box because I don't want to spend eternity trapped in some overpriced metal box with no tunes and poor ventilation.
When you talk about organized religion I get a little bit harsher. On the positive side some of the greatest works of art and architecture have been created in the name of one religion or another. But on the negative side more people have died in the name of one god or another than for any other reason. Christians killing Muslims killing Jews in Crusades or Jihads or Inquisitions all through history and all in the name of the 'same' god. Sunnis killing Shias killing Jews killing Catholics killing Lutherans and on and on. The Middle East has been a religious killing ground since time began and probably will remain that until time ends. No religion can even begin to claim it doesn't have a bloody past.
Marx called religion the opiate of the people and to a certain degree he was right. What most people don't realize is what he meant by it by that. I had a professor who explained that Marx wasn't thinking of it as the church clouding peoples minds but more as the church comforting people in their times of need. The church itself is a quandary to me, it can do so much good at the local level and yet be so terrible at a higher level. Just politics with a different name I suppose.
Perhaps Gandhi said it better. "God has no religion."
Oh religion, something I don't think I have ever mentioned before. If there is a topic one shouldn't write about its religion because you are sure to offend somebody along the way. So I'm going to say ahead of time I don't mean to offend anybody. These are just my personal thoughts and also it isn't something I think about much so it’s really just off the top of my head.
At one time I did attend a church every Sunday morning, did Sunday school in my little print dress, but I was but a wee thing back than. My mom wanted a well rounded girl but gave it up about the time I insisted on wearing jeans to church. That would have been about the same time my rebelliousness set in, along with the first inklings of my sexuality, and I realized I just didn't belong there.
I have never called myself an atheist or an agnostic, really I never call myself anything. Is there a God? If I have to answer that my answer is no. Is there some power in control of the universe? It gets a little tricky here because I do believe in fate, I think many things happen for a reason and at times you don't have much control over it. What happens when I die? Honest answer is I'm thinking worm food but than I also believe in ghosts so I'm not so sure. To be safe I want to buried in a wooden box because I don't want to spend eternity trapped in some overpriced metal box with no tunes and poor ventilation.
When you talk about organized religion I get a little bit harsher. On the positive side some of the greatest works of art and architecture have been created in the name of one religion or another. But on the negative side more people have died in the name of one god or another than for any other reason. Christians killing Muslims killing Jews in Crusades or Jihads or Inquisitions all through history and all in the name of the 'same' god. Sunnis killing Shias killing Jews killing Catholics killing Lutherans and on and on. The Middle East has been a religious killing ground since time began and probably will remain that until time ends. No religion can even begin to claim it doesn't have a bloody past.
Marx called religion the opiate of the people and to a certain degree he was right. What most people don't realize is what he meant by it by that. I had a professor who explained that Marx wasn't thinking of it as the church clouding peoples minds but more as the church comforting people in their times of need. The church itself is a quandary to me, it can do so much good at the local level and yet be so terrible at a higher level. Just politics with a different name I suppose.
Perhaps Gandhi said it better. "God has no religion."
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Observations from the Coffee Shop 12.4
I really want to write something about the DADT hearings and my 'tard in chief' Senator John McCain. But it seems the writing part of my brain is overloaded and burning out on the "Thirty Days of Truths" posts so I'll have to pass for now. I totally think I have a good rant in my head waiting to get out but it just isn't happening right now.
I saw this on "Daily Show" yesterday and really no rant of mine is even going to compare to this. It's just classic, enjoy.
I saw this on "Daily Show" yesterday and really no rant of mine is even going to compare to this. It's just classic, enjoy.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Gaypocalypse Now | ||||
| ||||
Thirty Days of Truths, Day 18
My views on gay marriage ....
So I'm thinking whoever originally came up with the '30 Truths' wasn't gay and thought this would be much more telling and maybe controversial on top of it. Alas you probably know or suspect my views on gay marriage already but I'll try and voice them a little less emotionally than I have before.
To me it's a simple question of equality. Yes I am a lesbian and I am proud of that fact. At the same time I am a human being and supposedly all of us are created equal. Yet it always seems that some people are more equal than others. I never seriously think about getting married myself but for somebody to tell me it doesn't matter what I think, that I don't have that option, that I don't have that right, well it just totally pisses me off.
What I have never understood is why it even matters to these people. What world shattering threat does it pose if two people of the same sex love each other and want to get married? Does it really have any effect on their life at all? I mean seriously how does it effect them? Why do they care? I'd love for somebody to answer those questions for me.
One of the main reasons for denying marriage to gay couples seems to be that all major religions consider homosexuality a sin. But we aren't talking about religious marriage here. If a church doesn't want to marry gay couples so be it, their loss. I can only begin to imagine the floral displays they are missing out on. Anyway the First Amendment of the Constitution says that a person's religious views or lack thereof must be protected. Marriage by the state is a secular activity and the government can't start making laws just because a religion says they should. What would be next?
So that is my calm, rational, and legalistic answer. If that was too boring you can check out the more emotional ones I have written before (l).
I know it's a cliché but honestly if you don't like gay marriage just don't fucking have one.
So I'm thinking whoever originally came up with the '30 Truths' wasn't gay and thought this would be much more telling and maybe controversial on top of it. Alas you probably know or suspect my views on gay marriage already but I'll try and voice them a little less emotionally than I have before.
To me it's a simple question of equality. Yes I am a lesbian and I am proud of that fact. At the same time I am a human being and supposedly all of us are created equal. Yet it always seems that some people are more equal than others. I never seriously think about getting married myself but for somebody to tell me it doesn't matter what I think, that I don't have that option, that I don't have that right, well it just totally pisses me off.
What I have never understood is why it even matters to these people. What world shattering threat does it pose if two people of the same sex love each other and want to get married? Does it really have any effect on their life at all? I mean seriously how does it effect them? Why do they care? I'd love for somebody to answer those questions for me.
One of the main reasons for denying marriage to gay couples seems to be that all major religions consider homosexuality a sin. But we aren't talking about religious marriage here. If a church doesn't want to marry gay couples so be it, their loss. I can only begin to imagine the floral displays they are missing out on. Anyway the First Amendment of the Constitution says that a person's religious views or lack thereof must be protected. Marriage by the state is a secular activity and the government can't start making laws just because a religion says they should. What would be next?
So that is my calm, rational, and legalistic answer. If that was too boring you can check out the more emotional ones I have written before (l).
I know it's a cliché but honestly if you don't like gay marriage just don't fucking have one.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Thirty Days of Truths, Day 17
A book you’ve read that changed your views on something ....
I came up with a lot of options for this one. I love to read and there was a time when I would be reading three or four books at the same time and finish them all in a week. I normally have two books going now, usually a fiction and a non fiction, but I don't read them nearly as fast.
So finally it came down to two books. Both more solidified my views on a subject rather than changed them but I guess that is close enough. The first is "An Inconvenient Truth" by Al Gore. I didn't go with this because I didn't read it that long ago and I'm not sure which had more effect on me at the time, the book or that environmental science major brother of mine.
The second book is one I first read in high school and a few times since. I always seem to come away with a different opinion of it. That book is "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel García Márquez. You may hear me talk about karma or use the phrase 'it is what it is' all the time and it's because at times I am at heart a fatalist, I honestly believe in the inevitable and inescapable repetition of history. I guess I have just studied too much history to think about life any other way.
Fatalism is a thread that runs constantly through this book as generation after generation of the Buendía family are visited by ghosts of past generations even as they repeat the mistakes of those same generations. The patriarch of the family founds the city of Macondo as a city of mirrors after seeing it in a vision. I’m never sure if it is actually a city of mirrors or just a metaphor for a city of mirages. Mirrors, mirages, visions, or maybe a way of saying life is never truly what it seems. Fittingly Macondo is destroyed by a hurricane at the end of the book.
Karma, fate, or whatever you want to call it sometimes it seems that some events are preordained and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it. I know that it isn't a theory that appeals to many people but it's something I sometimes do believe myself. I love the book but I don't think I'll ever completely understand it.
Now I bet you can't wait to read my thoughts on religion.
Shikata ga nai
I came up with a lot of options for this one. I love to read and there was a time when I would be reading three or four books at the same time and finish them all in a week. I normally have two books going now, usually a fiction and a non fiction, but I don't read them nearly as fast.
So finally it came down to two books. Both more solidified my views on a subject rather than changed them but I guess that is close enough. The first is "An Inconvenient Truth" by Al Gore. I didn't go with this because I didn't read it that long ago and I'm not sure which had more effect on me at the time, the book or that environmental science major brother of mine.
The second book is one I first read in high school and a few times since. I always seem to come away with a different opinion of it. That book is "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel García Márquez. You may hear me talk about karma or use the phrase 'it is what it is' all the time and it's because at times I am at heart a fatalist, I honestly believe in the inevitable and inescapable repetition of history. I guess I have just studied too much history to think about life any other way.
Fatalism is a thread that runs constantly through this book as generation after generation of the Buendía family are visited by ghosts of past generations even as they repeat the mistakes of those same generations. The patriarch of the family founds the city of Macondo as a city of mirrors after seeing it in a vision. I’m never sure if it is actually a city of mirrors or just a metaphor for a city of mirages. Mirrors, mirages, visions, or maybe a way of saying life is never truly what it seems. Fittingly Macondo is destroyed by a hurricane at the end of the book.
Karma, fate, or whatever you want to call it sometimes it seems that some events are preordained and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it. I know that it isn't a theory that appeals to many people but it's something I sometimes do believe myself. I love the book but I don't think I'll ever completely understand it.
Now I bet you can't wait to read my thoughts on religion.
Shikata ga nai
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Thirty Days of Truths, Day 16
Someone or something you definitely could live without ....
Why do I find this one so hard? To start I don't want to end up writing about the same person yet again. I have already thought about her way to much since I started this and besides I do live without her. Maybe it's the memory I could do without. As I said before if I could live without somebody I more than likely am living without that person. Seriously it’s just how I am.
So that leaves something I could live without. I could easily live without the Republican Party but I don't see that happening anytime soon. I’m not going to get into that now because it deserves a post all its own and I think it’s going to get one soon.
So now I can't think of a thing I could live without either so I'm going to wing it again and go with a personality trait I could very easily live without.
I'm cocky, arrogant, and a top notch smart ass and I love every minute of it. But the dark side of that is sometimes I don't know when to stop and I end up going too far. If I'm in one of my moods I can get downright nasty. I can't say I ever set out to be mean but it happens and part of it comes from the fact that I can be jealous too. So arrogance seems to have a nasty dark side and I could easily live without that.
Now if I have to give up the arrogance to get rid of the dark side you’re just out of luck.
Why do I find this one so hard? To start I don't want to end up writing about the same person yet again. I have already thought about her way to much since I started this and besides I do live without her. Maybe it's the memory I could do without. As I said before if I could live without somebody I more than likely am living without that person. Seriously it’s just how I am.
So that leaves something I could live without. I could easily live without the Republican Party but I don't see that happening anytime soon. I’m not going to get into that now because it deserves a post all its own and I think it’s going to get one soon.
So now I can't think of a thing I could live without either so I'm going to wing it again and go with a personality trait I could very easily live without.
I'm cocky, arrogant, and a top notch smart ass and I love every minute of it. But the dark side of that is sometimes I don't know when to stop and I end up going too far. If I'm in one of my moods I can get downright nasty. I can't say I ever set out to be mean but it happens and part of it comes from the fact that I can be jealous too. So arrogance seems to have a nasty dark side and I could easily live without that.
Now if I have to give up the arrogance to get rid of the dark side you’re just out of luck.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Thirty Days of Truths, Day 15
Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it ....
Coffin nails, cancer sticks, smokes, ciggies, butts, take your pick because they all mean the same thing no matter how you say it. Cigarettes. I started smoking cigarettes in high school and have been smoking them off and on ever since. I've tried to stop more than once but with no real success because I think my addictive personality needs something and it has tried much worse. Worse for me over the short term anyway. I know what smoking does to me or is doing to me but I just can't stop for any length of time.
The funny thing about my smoking is I can't stand second hand smoke myself and I wouldn't smoke inside if I could. It makes my eyes water and gives me a headache. No matter what the weather I won't smoke in my 'Foxy' with the windows up because I don't want to ruin the leather but have no qualms about ruining my lungs. In high school I smoked even though I was constantly working out because of field hockey.
I know it is a crutch and I make no excuses for it. I totally understand people who can't stand smoking but I hate when smokers are blamed for all that is wrong with the health care system, poor air quality, and life in general. The recent FDA ruling on cigarette packs seems pathetic to me because I don't think you can scare smokers with graphic photos, I think anybody that smokes knows it's not healthy.
I think it's far from cool to smoke but given the right situation it looks cool in a photo. As long as I'm in the Village I doubt I'll ever quit because it's just what we do. It's just so damn cool.
Another enigma.
Coffin nails, cancer sticks, smokes, ciggies, butts, take your pick because they all mean the same thing no matter how you say it. Cigarettes. I started smoking cigarettes in high school and have been smoking them off and on ever since. I've tried to stop more than once but with no real success because I think my addictive personality needs something and it has tried much worse. Worse for me over the short term anyway. I know what smoking does to me or is doing to me but I just can't stop for any length of time.
The funny thing about my smoking is I can't stand second hand smoke myself and I wouldn't smoke inside if I could. It makes my eyes water and gives me a headache. No matter what the weather I won't smoke in my 'Foxy' with the windows up because I don't want to ruin the leather but have no qualms about ruining my lungs. In high school I smoked even though I was constantly working out because of field hockey.
I know it is a crutch and I make no excuses for it. I totally understand people who can't stand smoking but I hate when smokers are blamed for all that is wrong with the health care system, poor air quality, and life in general. The recent FDA ruling on cigarette packs seems pathetic to me because I don't think you can scare smokers with graphic photos, I think anybody that smokes knows it's not healthy.
I think it's far from cool to smoke but given the right situation it looks cool in a photo. As long as I'm in the Village I doubt I'll ever quit because it's just what we do. It's just so damn cool.
Another enigma.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thirty Days of Truths, Day 14
A hero that has let you down ....
I don't know that I ever had any heroes per se, I'm not sure my personality allows it. There are painters and writers whose work I love but most of them are long gone. There are photographers whose work I adore but I wouldn't call them heroes. Besides it seems that with any artist a let down is called for, it's just how we are.
I do have answer though and sadly it was much too easy to come up with. During the 2008 presidential election campaign of Barrack Obama so much was said about real change and hope for the future that you couldn't help but believe. But it didn't take long for the euphoria to wear off and the political realities to set in.
President Obama has accomplished much more than he gets credit for but so much more could have been done. Instead too much of his time and energy was wasted trying to be the great compromiser. It doesn’t quite sink into him that those who elected him didn't do so to compromise anything but to bring real change. Instead where are we now? We find compromise defined as do it my way or don’t do anything at all. It doesn’t matter what a majority of the people want or care about it only matters who wins the next election. And than the cycle will repeat itself ad infinitum until the only change comes through complete collapse of the system.
My brother had loaned me his copy of Richard Wolffe's "Renegade" which is about Obama's election campaign of 2008. It's totally a good read but I got part way through it and had to stop. The memory of the campaign compared to the reality of now was just to agonizing to deal with.
And now there is the thought of a President Palin to deal with.
Reality sucks.
I don't know that I ever had any heroes per se, I'm not sure my personality allows it. There are painters and writers whose work I love but most of them are long gone. There are photographers whose work I adore but I wouldn't call them heroes. Besides it seems that with any artist a let down is called for, it's just how we are.
I do have answer though and sadly it was much too easy to come up with. During the 2008 presidential election campaign of Barrack Obama so much was said about real change and hope for the future that you couldn't help but believe. But it didn't take long for the euphoria to wear off and the political realities to set in.
President Obama has accomplished much more than he gets credit for but so much more could have been done. Instead too much of his time and energy was wasted trying to be the great compromiser. It doesn’t quite sink into him that those who elected him didn't do so to compromise anything but to bring real change. Instead where are we now? We find compromise defined as do it my way or don’t do anything at all. It doesn’t matter what a majority of the people want or care about it only matters who wins the next election. And than the cycle will repeat itself ad infinitum until the only change comes through complete collapse of the system.
My brother had loaned me his copy of Richard Wolffe's "Renegade" which is about Obama's election campaign of 2008. It's totally a good read but I got part way through it and had to stop. The memory of the campaign compared to the reality of now was just to agonizing to deal with.
And now there is the thought of a President Palin to deal with.
Reality sucks.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thirty Days of Truths, Day 13
A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days ....
This is supposed to be a letter but I decided at the start I'm not doing any of them that way. I mean seriously why write a letter that is never going to be sent? But this does give me an opportunity to write about something I always wanted to but never got around to. That's part of the reason I started this truth thing in the first place. Make myself think and write about things I never got around to and cram it all in as the first year of my blogging winds down. OK that and make me not think and write about other things.
It isn't so much a band or artist that has gotten me through hard times, it's just a song. It's a song I have gone back to over and over again when I'm down. At the same time it's possibly the saddest song I have ever heard so the fact that I love it when I'm down makes no sense at all. At times it makes me cry and at others it makes me smile but either way it always seems to help. There isn't any one thing about it that makes it so sad. Not the lyrics, the singer’s voice, or the haunting piano playing under the singing. But the combination of the three owns my soul completely now.
I can't remember when I first heard it or saw the video but I do remember listening over and over to it when I did. The beautiful b&w video was shot in Barcelona and it seems almost as if she is singing from the grave but I was never quite sure. Is it about loneliness, lost love, or death? Five different versions of the song have been recorded and all have slightly different lyrics. It was written by the band's guitarist who appeared in the video than quit the band before the CDs release.
I have friends who just leave me alone when they hear it, knowing damn well what it means. I love this song but I hate it at the same time.
Amy Lee, Evanescence, and "My Immortal" ....
Evanescence - My Immortal
This is supposed to be a letter but I decided at the start I'm not doing any of them that way. I mean seriously why write a letter that is never going to be sent? But this does give me an opportunity to write about something I always wanted to but never got around to. That's part of the reason I started this truth thing in the first place. Make myself think and write about things I never got around to and cram it all in as the first year of my blogging winds down. OK that and make me not think and write about other things.
It isn't so much a band or artist that has gotten me through hard times, it's just a song. It's a song I have gone back to over and over again when I'm down. At the same time it's possibly the saddest song I have ever heard so the fact that I love it when I'm down makes no sense at all. At times it makes me cry and at others it makes me smile but either way it always seems to help. There isn't any one thing about it that makes it so sad. Not the lyrics, the singer’s voice, or the haunting piano playing under the singing. But the combination of the three owns my soul completely now.
I can't remember when I first heard it or saw the video but I do remember listening over and over to it when I did. The beautiful b&w video was shot in Barcelona and it seems almost as if she is singing from the grave but I was never quite sure. Is it about loneliness, lost love, or death? Five different versions of the song have been recorded and all have slightly different lyrics. It was written by the band's guitarist who appeared in the video than quit the band before the CDs release.
I have friends who just leave me alone when they hear it, knowing damn well what it means. I love this song but I hate it at the same time.
Amy Lee, Evanescence, and "My Immortal" ....
Evanescence - My Immortal
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Thirty Days of Truths, Day 12
Something you never get compliments on ....
I was almost ready to blow this on off because I figured how would I know what it was because I wasn't complimented on it. Than I wanted to say it was my ass because I thought this might be the only chance I get to write about my ass but I thought better of that. I would have had to use the word ass too often and that might seem rude.
Well if I am going to be honest here I have to say my eyes. I love my eyes but they rarely get any attention at all. They are so dark brown that at times they appear black and I think most people just believe I am wearing contacts. Add some makeup and they were always oh so perfect for Goth Friday.
I would rather have written about my ass.
I was almost ready to blow this on off because I figured how would I know what it was because I wasn't complimented on it. Than I wanted to say it was my ass because I thought this might be the only chance I get to write about my ass but I thought better of that. I would have had to use the word ass too often and that might seem rude.
Well if I am going to be honest here I have to say my eyes. I love my eyes but they rarely get any attention at all. They are so dark brown that at times they appear black and I think most people just believe I am wearing contacts. Add some makeup and they were always oh so perfect for Goth Friday.
I would rather have written about my ass.
Observations from the Road 11.27
So yesterday was Black Friday, either the busiest shopping day of the year or a Friday to wear black. I used to enjoy Goth Friday myself but this shopping you can have. I stayed in and reacquired a forgotten vice in the 'Food Network' and its "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives" marathon. Even with it being the day after Thanksgiving I don't think I was ever so hungry in my life.
I had a nice calm week here at my dad's and was in no mood to drive back yesterday as planed so for now in Pennsylvania I remain. I didn't burn the turkey, I did act fairly adult like, I finished some work I had been putting off, hung out with a cousin I haven’t seen in a awhile, and yet managed to consume a decent amount of wine and beer. All that I got to watch enough Flyers games to get me through until Christmas. The one problem is it's seriously getting to that ‘it's to damn cold to smoke outside’ time of year. Never the less I had a pretty damn good week of vegging that sadly must come to an end soon.
My sister had some rather stunning news for the family that I might pass on later and my brother should graduate next month so for a change I melted into the background and just absorbed it all. I absorbed that along with a few bottles of wine. In hind sight I should have known not going Goth was a mistake but than I don't normally like being the center of attention do I?
Black Friday is also the beginning of the run into Christmas and New Years so it has another meaning to me too. It was always my mom's fav time of year and I seem to miss her more at this time than at any other, even more than her birthday. It wouldn't be fair to her to say I don't like the holiday season but I do get dark and moody the closer it gets. I need to stock up on my holiday spirits.
So be forewarned, the ride gets bumpy from here.
My Chemical Romance - Sing
I had a nice calm week here at my dad's and was in no mood to drive back yesterday as planed so for now in Pennsylvania I remain. I didn't burn the turkey, I did act fairly adult like, I finished some work I had been putting off, hung out with a cousin I haven’t seen in a awhile, and yet managed to consume a decent amount of wine and beer. All that I got to watch enough Flyers games to get me through until Christmas. The one problem is it's seriously getting to that ‘it's to damn cold to smoke outside’ time of year. Never the less I had a pretty damn good week of vegging that sadly must come to an end soon.
My sister had some rather stunning news for the family that I might pass on later and my brother should graduate next month so for a change I melted into the background and just absorbed it all. I absorbed that along with a few bottles of wine. In hind sight I should have known not going Goth was a mistake but than I don't normally like being the center of attention do I?
Black Friday is also the beginning of the run into Christmas and New Years so it has another meaning to me too. It was always my mom's fav time of year and I seem to miss her more at this time than at any other, even more than her birthday. It wouldn't be fair to her to say I don't like the holiday season but I do get dark and moody the closer it gets. I need to stock up on my holiday spirits.
So be forewarned, the ride gets bumpy from here.
My Chemical Romance - Sing
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thirty Days of Truths, Day 11
Something people seem to compliment you the most on ....
This much I know, it's not my warm personality or my fine use of the English language that gets the compliments. At least not those certain words I like to use regularly. I find this sad because I'm proud to be a smart ass and I work hard at it.
Physically I would have to say I'm most complimented on my hair which totally baffles me because I have a love hate relationship with it. I have never in my life had short hair but I always have had days where I just want it was all gone. Depending on my mood I either let it go wild or I spend an hour straightening it only to have it explode a few hours later. If I'm in a hurry in the morning, which I usually seem to be, I just pull it all back and let it hang there giving me that tall dark scary dyke look. But yes people seem to love my hair.
But of anything I get complemented the most on my art. Sometimes I have a hard time with that because it is something I don't like to talk about much. That sounds totally weird for an artist but than I am a totally weird artist so it works.
My art is as much an enigma as I am. My photography is mostly b&w because I love working with the shading and contrast. To me it's just so much more fun than working with color. But when I paint I love to mix my own, as if the thirty shades of blue I can buy aren't enough. I hate abstract photography but I paint in abstract. This summer I saw and fell in love with something I had rarely, if ever, seen before. Stark b&w abstract paintings. So you see even the artsie part of my brain is a bit rebellious.
It is what it is.
This much I know, it's not my warm personality or my fine use of the English language that gets the compliments. At least not those certain words I like to use regularly. I find this sad because I'm proud to be a smart ass and I work hard at it.
Physically I would have to say I'm most complimented on my hair which totally baffles me because I have a love hate relationship with it. I have never in my life had short hair but I always have had days where I just want it was all gone. Depending on my mood I either let it go wild or I spend an hour straightening it only to have it explode a few hours later. If I'm in a hurry in the morning, which I usually seem to be, I just pull it all back and let it hang there giving me that tall dark scary dyke look. But yes people seem to love my hair.
But of anything I get complemented the most on my art. Sometimes I have a hard time with that because it is something I don't like to talk about much. That sounds totally weird for an artist but than I am a totally weird artist so it works.
My art is as much an enigma as I am. My photography is mostly b&w because I love working with the shading and contrast. To me it's just so much more fun than working with color. But when I paint I love to mix my own, as if the thirty shades of blue I can buy aren't enough. I hate abstract photography but I paint in abstract. This summer I saw and fell in love with something I had rarely, if ever, seen before. Stark b&w abstract paintings. So you see even the artsie part of my brain is a bit rebellious.
It is what it is.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Observations from the Kitchen 11.25
The turkey is in the oven as, for the third year in a row, I attempt not to burn the Thanksgiving bird. Sean is shuffling around nursing a hangover after reconnecting with the local bar last night and, in a new holiday tradition, I'm sitting at the kitchen table staring at a soon to be opened bottle of wine. I had to buy my own this year as my dad learned his lesson and didn't buy his Christmas case early this year. Either that or he found a much better hiding spot than the last one.
I promise to act relatively adult like this year or as adult like as I possibly can. I'll try and stay sober until after dinner and no goth makeup to freak the relatives. I always enjoyed that though so maybe just a little around the eyes but the lipstick always makes the turkey taste like dried out crayons. I don't want to freak out the relatives? If that isn't a sign I'm finally maturing nothing is.
So this is where I'm supposed to write some kind of 'what I'm thankful for' post. I could go with the traditional family, friends, and staying out of rehab but I'm not going to. But I want to mention one thing I am thankful for. I may get irritated at him at times because there is so much that needs to be done. But I am thankful Barrack Obama is my President because the alternative is just to damn depressing to think about.
Happy Thanksgiving everybody. 'Thirty Days of Truths' returns tomorrow at its regularly scheduled time.
And now the wine ....
I promise to act relatively adult like this year or as adult like as I possibly can. I'll try and stay sober until after dinner and no goth makeup to freak the relatives. I always enjoyed that though so maybe just a little around the eyes but the lipstick always makes the turkey taste like dried out crayons. I don't want to freak out the relatives? If that isn't a sign I'm finally maturing nothing is.
So this is where I'm supposed to write some kind of 'what I'm thankful for' post. I could go with the traditional family, friends, and staying out of rehab but I'm not going to. But I want to mention one thing I am thankful for. I may get irritated at him at times because there is so much that needs to be done. But I am thankful Barrack Obama is my President because the alternative is just to damn depressing to think about.
Happy Thanksgiving everybody. 'Thirty Days of Truths' returns tomorrow at its regularly scheduled time.
And now the wine ....
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thirty Days of Truths, Day 10
Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know ....
OMG why would anybody in their right mind answer something like this? Besides anybody that knows anything about me knows I don't have to answer this one because if I need to let you go I already did. Chances are I let you go before I needed to and didn't look back. Just another burnt bridge in my collection.
So I'll take the space to explain my mulligan comment in the last post. I remembered later that a mulligan is a 'do-over' in a friendly round of golf. Now I only need my two hands to count the number of times I have played real golf so I forgot it meant that. I was thinking of a soda drinking game we played in college when using a mulligan meant you could skip your turn.
And while I'm at it a bit of Katie trivia for you. I use the term 'burning bridges' all the time so where did it come from in the first place? Actually it was my dad that used it first in the context I always use it in. My dad is a big Clint Eastwood fan and the theme song of his fav movie "Kelly's Heroes" is called "Burning Bridges." I was talking to my mom about my social skills, or lack of, when my dad blurted out 'like so many burning bridges behind you' and I have used the term ever since. It just seems to fit.
".... All the burning bridges that have fallen after me
All the lonely feelings and the burning memories
Everyone I left behind each time I closed the door
Burning bridges lost forevermore ...."
The Mike Curb Congregation - Burning Bridges
OMG why would anybody in their right mind answer something like this? Besides anybody that knows anything about me knows I don't have to answer this one because if I need to let you go I already did. Chances are I let you go before I needed to and didn't look back. Just another burnt bridge in my collection.
So I'll take the space to explain my mulligan comment in the last post. I remembered later that a mulligan is a 'do-over' in a friendly round of golf. Now I only need my two hands to count the number of times I have played real golf so I forgot it meant that. I was thinking of a soda drinking game we played in college when using a mulligan meant you could skip your turn.
And while I'm at it a bit of Katie trivia for you. I use the term 'burning bridges' all the time so where did it come from in the first place? Actually it was my dad that used it first in the context I always use it in. My dad is a big Clint Eastwood fan and the theme song of his fav movie "Kelly's Heroes" is called "Burning Bridges." I was talking to my mom about my social skills, or lack of, when my dad blurted out 'like so many burning bridges behind you' and I have used the term ever since. It just seems to fit.
".... All the burning bridges that have fallen after me
All the lonely feelings and the burning memories
Everyone I left behind each time I closed the door
Burning bridges lost forevermore ...."
The Mike Curb Congregation - Burning Bridges
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