the List

A rebuttal to mizz zzP's ten fav song list (Ta-Da). I did some thinking last night and came up with this list. I don't know if i'd call it my ten fav, well there is more than ten, but its a batch of songs id need on my ipod if i ever ended up on that proverbial desert island. Some have memories, some are good to get high to, and one owns me. Ill leave it to you to figure out which to get high to. Trial and error ....

The ten plus in no particular order

Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon
One - U2
Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
Creep - Radiohead
Khasmir - Led Zeppelin
London Calling - The Clash
Cocaine - Eric Clapton
Hey Pretty - Poe
Tiny Dancer - Elton John
Sympathy for the Devil - The Rolling Stones
Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
Numb - Linkin Park
Celebrity Skin - Hole
Best of You - Foo Fighters
Crime of the Century - Supertramp

And the song that owns my soul. One of these days Ill write just about this song and what it means to me.

My Immortal - Evanescence

For the record Zu I give you 9,7, and 3. But if you ever, ever, play Jethro Tull around me I wont be responsible for the consequences.

Observations from the Gallery

A little over a month into this grand experiment I feel comfortable enough to sit at the desk with sweet black boots propped up. Some thoughts ….

Things I miss

Seeing my brother everyday, the mountains always the mountains, deer by the side of the road, ‘Foxy’, geeking from the tavern, the whole college atmosphere, seeing JoePa now and than, and seeing the sky.
Being able to drive thirty minutes in any direction and be alone, totally alone, with my thoughts.
Sitting in my office looking at my paintings on the wall and having my coffee bitches do my bidding.
Court’s scratch made waffles for breakfast and her media chats.

Things I would miss if I went back now

The pure adrenaline rush I get getting up in the morning and looking out the window.
Our coffee shop, which seems to have pretty much replaced the tavern as my second home. Just living in the Village.
Getting a copy of the Times at 4am and reading it before I go to bed.
Meeting Ash for breakfast, after she has been up all night, and listening to her early morning political diatribes.
Having every other Monday off.

Hmmm seems to be more in the first list.

Stay tuned.

tuneage

Observations from the Window

For reasons all my own I find myself sitting in the window thinking about pettiness. Or is it simple immaturity?

Why do people act petty? Do they become obnoxious because it’s fun and gets everything stirred up and than they get the attention they are starved for in the first place? I guess that isn’t too hard to understand. Or is it insecurity? So afraid somebody might possibly be right that they have to go and trash everything about that other person to ease their own mind.

My own personal opinion is that people act that way because, for some reason, they feel inferior to you and probably anybody else they disagree with. They make themselves feel better by putting you down.

I don’t have the time or patience for other people’s pettiness and childish games. If I’ve learned one thing it’s that life is too short and precious too waste on things like that.

It means absolutely nothing to me.

As always I turn to the authority on all matters. The Urban Dictionary defines petty as ‘Someone that is so insignificant as to be almost unworthy of notice, even despicable. Marked by narrowness of mind, ideas, or views. Deliberately nasty for a foolish or trivial reason.’

tuneage

Art

“In order correctly to define art, it is necessary, first of all, to cease to consider it as a means to pleasure and to consider it as one of the conditions of human life. Viewing it in this way we cannot fail to observe that art is one of the means of intercourse between man and man.” Leo Tolstoy

Over the last couple days I had more discussions about art than I have in some time. Over breakfast this morning the ultimate question came up. What is art? After a lifetime of creating in one form or another, and eight years of study, you would think I had a ready answer but I don’t. I suppose that’s something to dwell on another day.

And what makes somebody and artist? I think you are an artist if creating is necessary for your well-being. You literally need it to survive. It feeds your soul and you can’t be who you are without it. It doesn’t make you a good artist but that’s subjective anyway.

I constantly struggle with the thought that my art isn’t good. I don’t know enough or my technique sucks. I always see things and wonder why I can’t do that myself. I know I need to create just to create, to please myself. But really I use it to say what I can’t say, a window into my soul so to speak, and it shouldn’t be to make others happy. At the same time to create something ‘for’ somebody is one of the great joys of art. I want others to enjoy what I do and I want to feel proud of it.

I create because there is something inside me that needs to get out. A desire to express what I feel so others can feel it too. It’s a form of therapy and meditation I suppose.

It’s a pure joy.

tuneage

Plurk goes to the Grammys

Just a random sampling of the insanity that is plurk. All names have been removed to protect the innocent ....

"Attention Plurk. The Grammys are not on here yet.

Reading freaky fanfics and waiting for the Grammys to start.

in my perfect world: tonight Lady Gaga steals the mic from Kanye to avenge Taylor Swift...just a prediction for the Grammys

who in the heck are all these new artists of the year?

Pink on the Grammys: "Cirque du *get* laid!"

one thing about the grammies. i keep feeling too young or too old. wtf ?

OMFG! Celine Dion, Smokey Robinson, Usher, Jennifer Hudson and Carrie Underwood with da late Michael Jackson-Earth Song in 3D

Funny what you find out about people by what they plurk about The Grammys.

Dang !!! Quentin Tarantino Is just awesome acting a Hip Hop/Rap White Boy grammys

the Grammys were interesting, and that's all I'm gonna plurk about it. lol

almost time for the grammys again XD

Good morning! I enjoyed the Grammys last night. What did you think?"

Yes some may call it a waste of time but i like to think of it as, well, as always the urban dictionary may say it best.
'The only way to talk in the third person without sounding like a douche'

tuneage

Observations from the Window

With the warm sun streaming in i could just curl up and spend the afternoon here. Maybe i will.

Sunday afternoon seems to be the deadest time on the street below. That just seems off to me. may Villagers are religious after all. On Sunday we shall rest. Or maybe its just we got no sleep for three days and cant move.

I'm reading the paper and find that I am getting a new neighbor. Anderson Cooper bought an old firehouse just a few blocks away.

Now I'm not, and never have been, attracted to guys. But if i was, and made a list, i think Anderson would be at the top of it. I think I'll be walking around that block from time to time.

Maybe I need a dog I can walk.

I think the guy across the street is checking me out. I wonder if i should wave or flash him ??

"Buy the ticket, take the ride" Hunter S. Thompson

tuneage

from the window, Queers

We were working in the gallery yesterday when a woman walked in, mid 50s and dressed to black perfection, but seemingly upset about something. In the end it turned out she had overheard a staight couple talking on the street. Something to the effect of ‘I have never seen so many queers before in my life’. This totally upset her and I just had no idea why or what to say. Maybe it was the age difference but I think I would have looked at them and said ‘nice isn’t it’.

To me it’s just a word. My brother will be the first to tell you I ‘am’ queer and always have been. Than again maybe he has something else in mind. Some gays will say it’s inappropriate for any straight person to use the word queer. For them I leave this vid.

Lewis Black

This just seems to be one of those times I’m writing to make myself think. Just trying to understand how that woman felt. I guess I’m just too proud or arrogant to let a word bother me now. Maybe in high school I felt different but today call me what ever you want. The worst thing you can possibly think of. It will just bring that evil little knowing smile to my face. I’ll have to think about all this another day.

For now I’m just a woman who loves women. That works for me.

Tuneage

In a related note, a new activist group, Queer Rising, announced its existence on Martin Luther King Day. Now that is gay.

Sara, part I

“One of the definitions of sanity is the ability to tell real from unreal. Soon we'll need a new definition.” Alvin Toffler

When you spend any amount of time in rehab you spend a lot of time thinking. Hopefully thinking about what got you there and what it’s going to take to keep you from coming back. Sometimes self-pity creeps in because this has never happened to anybody before and it wasn’t your fault in the first place.

The facility I was in didn’t allow TVs in your room. There was a big common room and they would do anything to bring everybody together. But being at my antisocial worst, the summer’s events hadn’t helped matters, I spent a lot of time alone in my room. Besides nobody was going to tell me I had to socialize.

My dad was always an avid collector of music and at the time my ipod was filled with 70s and 80s music. I would sit in my room for hours listening and thinking. Constantly thinking about my past, my messed up present, and my hazy unsure future. Wrestling with my demons that always seemed to be getting the upper hand.

Than one day Fleetwood Mac’s song Sara came on. As I listened I whispered to myself ‘fucking Sara’. And in an instant all my demons, torments, and hatreds had a name.

Sara ….

tuneage

Tunes 126

In which I continue my journey through the dark underbelly of music.

My sister is a big 'American Idol' fan and sometimes sends me emails giving me the highlights of the show. When I saw this vid all I could think of was a clip she sent me with Adam Lambert and Simon saying "What the hell was that?". I think if you took the worst traits of a Vegas lounge act and a pretty boy, shook them together, and pored them on the ground you would end up with Adam Lambert.

When the VJ said Lambert's debut CD was an instant classic I almost gagged on my dinner. The video itself may be stunning but my personal feeling is that the song is just another piece of pop fluff crap that will forgotten in a year or two as the next batch of American Idol winners hits the streets. Or maybe it is just a poor Fall Out Boy ripoff.

"So hot out the box, Can we pick up the pace, Turn it up, heat it up, I need to be entertained ...."

Funny thing was I still felt that way after I heard his tune.

For Your Entertainment

Question, Have you ever been to a bar/restaurant that had baskets of fortune cookies on the tables ??

Techno

For the longest time I worked in a techno club in sl. One of my oldest friends in sl became a dj and still is. Now I like almost any style of music. I don’t go a minute in the day without something playing in the background. But I never did understand the different styles of electronic music. Maybe because before I had worked there I had never listened to any of it. And, truth be told, I still can’t stand some of it. But with the clubs in the Village I keep running into new styles and sounds so I was reading an article about techno music and found a list of styles. This is just a partial list ….

ambient house, ambient techno, dark ambient, psybient, breakbeat, big beat, nu skool, progressive breaks, eurodance, eurobeat, spacesynth, acid jazz, chillout, new age, new jazz, trip hop, electro backbeat, electro pop, europop, euro trance, hardcore, darkcore, breakcore, speedcore, terror core, house, acid house, electronica, freestyle, progressive house, tribal house, techno, synergy, industrial, ambient industrial, death electro, dark industrial, death industrial, electro industrial, industrial metal, jungle, transcore, darkstep, neurofunk, cybermetal, darkwave, electro rock, electropunk, new wave, synthpunk, acid techno, minimal, tech house, tech trance, acid trance, dream trance, euro trance, hardstyle, new rave, hardcore breaks, rave breaks ….

And my personal fav that I think the world could do without, christian industrial.

I still don’t get it and it makes my head spin.

tuneage

Thoughts to the Day

I had an appointment today with a doctor friend of a doctor friend. My friend gave me her name and said ‘you know. Just incase’. So on this rainy morning, when I just as soon have stayed in bed all morning, I crawled onto the bus and went to meet this person ‘you know. Just incase’. So we had one of those ‘nice to meet you may I pick your brain conversations’ for fifteen minutes.

Now I’m sitting in my window watching the wet street and thinking about two things she said.

“What do you want to do with your life?” and “If you have to ask yourself, should I do this? Then you probably shouldn’t”. Two simple sentences that have oh so much meaning to them.

The first one is easy. Since I first picked up that pink crayon I’ve wanted to be n artist of some kind. I always thought I was born to be one. That being said what makes an artist? Do I have to be a successful artist and earn a living from my art? In the end I paint for myself. I try to tell myself that I don’t care what anybody else thinks but I know that’s not true. I care to a certain extent and I love when somebody enjoys something I did but really what matters is that I like it myself. So do I paint Elvis or little dogs on velvet and make some money to buy things. Or do I do what I love and have more of the things money can’t buy? I think I know the answer to that.

The second one is a little tougher. Not a question but a statement. For most people it’s probably a no brainer. But for me, with my history, if I lived by that statement I’d have never done half of what I have done. I know that when she said it she was talking about lifestyle choices or such earth shattering things. But as I look out the window my mind wanders to everything and anything. If I lived my life by that statement I wouldn’t be sitting in my window writing this I’d be in the mountains. No I’d be living at my Dad’s. No I’d be ….

So I’ll add my own statement of the day ….

Life is for real, there’s no rehearsal ….

tuneage

Off the Top of my Head

Continuing a trend ….

I want to own a motorcycle.

I want to spend the night in a sleeping bag on the 50 yard line in Beaver Stadium. Than watch the sun come up over the mountains. I want a house in the mountains. Or maybe on the beach, or the mountains, or ….

I want to drive really fast. No I’m talking really fast! I want to break a windshield with a sledge hammer, but not mine.

One day I want to do something for the people that helped me in rehab. Something that means as much to them as what they did meant to me.

I want to learn to bake. No not learn to sew but learn to bake. I like food i don't like the thought of sewing.

I want to fly fish in Montana and lay naked on Kee Beach on the north shore of Kauai.

I want to paint a painting that a hundred years from now will be considered a masterpiece. I have no idea how Ill know I’ve done this. And I also know this is a little presumptuous and maybe a bit vain. but Whatever.

I want to make a really good cup of coffee and play in a poker tournament in Vegas. Go to carnival in Rio and Oktoberfest in Munich.

I want to sit on a bench outside the Louvre and smoke a cigar.

tuneage

Tunes 122

So I was toying with the idea of doing like music reviews. Than that morphed into what i thought a song meant. Which begat this. Just a tune of the moment with no meaning what so ever. Doesn't mean I like it doesn't mean i don't. Whatever ....

So for the very first time I geek from a bar in the Village. Tequila, Corona, and my lap in front of me. My 'agent' be damned. So I'm looking at the 7 foot wide screen and see these lips come on the screen. At the moment all i can think is this. My goth, metal, head banging life has devolved to this. Electro Euro Syn Pop Shit.

Where the hell did I go wrong ....

But she is kinda cute ....

La Roux

Passion

"Passion is universal humanity. Without it religion, history, romance and art would be useless." Honoré de Balzac

What exactly is passion? Or what would a life be like without passion?

I’m passionate about art, any art at all. Art, music, film, architecture, sculpture it doesn’t matter. Of course painting is my favorite form but I love anything artistic. Artistic expression takes many forms. I seem to surround myself with passionate friends. Whether for film, art, field hockey, sports in general, or that driving desire to know why something is. I’ve known people so passionate about one work of art (or one style or one artist) that they devote their entire life to studying it.

Some people are said to passionate about life itself. Is that possible? Are we born with our passions already hardwired into our brain or does it develop over time?

“Passionate - having, compelled by, or ruled by intense emotion or strong feeling”

To often showing emotion is considered bad or almost a sin. The real sin is suppressing that passion of your youth deep inside you until it dies. The real crime refusing to say what needs to be said, to do what needs to be done, or to feel what we actually feel.

It is said passion is food for the soul and feeds inspiration.

I think I asked more questions than I answered ....

tuneage