Just a short post, a beautiful night on the roof, I give you the symphony of sound that is my city at night ….
Cars, horns, shouts, rumbles, tunes mingling from clubs, sirens, cries, laughter, jets overhead, gunshots (maybe), screams, sirens, bells, impacts, screeches, sirens, bottle tops falling on the roof ….
You just have to wonder
Billy Currington - Pretty Good At Drinking Beer
Drive-By Truckers - Women Without Whiskey
(couldn't decide)
Monday, August 2, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Observations on Art 8.1
It’s a dreary rainy Sunday morning in the Village. I look down at a surprisingly empty street, wet and the color of spilled espresso, it looks as if all the grime of summer washed into the street overnight. But look higher and the trees are a beautiful shade of green, happy with the cooler air and the fresh shower they had.
My cynical and, some would say, radical side has been doing the writing for a few posts so I think I need chill a bit and get back to my love, my life, art. I have always considered myself an artist, at least since the moment when the thought first enters a child’s mind, ‘what am I?’ or “what do I want to be?’ when i grow up. Since that day my mom stuck my fingers in paint and let me make my first mess on a canvas, a wall, on myself. My dad still has that little ‘painting’ hanging in his living room.
I guess I never looked back from that day because I have never considered doing anything else with my life. I went into Art History instead of Fine Arts for two reasons. My dad guided, no pushed, me in that direction and I can’t stand all the rules and theories of Fine Arts. But in history I learned to appreciate styles that I never would have dreamed of casting my eyes upon before. I fell in love with van Gogh.
In photography I love the contrast and detail of B&W but in painting I love the color. I thrive on the shades and subtle nuances that most people can’t even see. Show me a painting that you think has two shades of blue and I'll show you a dozen in the same painting. Of all the colors I love blue like no other, in its infinite shades and tints, it can make my brain light up like no other color can. Matisse said “Cutting directly into color reminds me of a sculptor's carving into stone” and i know exactly what he meant.
Sometimes I'll go to a new show or museum and find a painting I haven’t seen in person before and fall in to a zone that can last for hours. This recently happened at the MOMA Matisee show with “Flowers and Ceramic Plate" where I sat on a bench for two hours with my head in my hands staring and lost in it. Pulling the blues apart bit by infinitesimal bit and putting it back together in my head. I have no way to describe it but if it is possible to get high on color I do it. The vqs gave up and wandered off probably hoping nobody called Bellevue to come and get me.
When I was in college I had a professor who once told me that I was well on my way to becoming the ‘mad hatter’ of art. I laughed and took that as the biggest compliment but I never knew if he meant it that way or just thought i was cracking up.
“There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it you need to be as mad as a hatter.”
Sounds like the art world to me.
Incubus - Nice To Know You
My cynical and, some would say, radical side has been doing the writing for a few posts so I think I need chill a bit and get back to my love, my life, art. I have always considered myself an artist, at least since the moment when the thought first enters a child’s mind, ‘what am I?’ or “what do I want to be?’ when i grow up. Since that day my mom stuck my fingers in paint and let me make my first mess on a canvas, a wall, on myself. My dad still has that little ‘painting’ hanging in his living room.
I guess I never looked back from that day because I have never considered doing anything else with my life. I went into Art History instead of Fine Arts for two reasons. My dad guided, no pushed, me in that direction and I can’t stand all the rules and theories of Fine Arts. But in history I learned to appreciate styles that I never would have dreamed of casting my eyes upon before. I fell in love with van Gogh.
In photography I love the contrast and detail of B&W but in painting I love the color. I thrive on the shades and subtle nuances that most people can’t even see. Show me a painting that you think has two shades of blue and I'll show you a dozen in the same painting. Of all the colors I love blue like no other, in its infinite shades and tints, it can make my brain light up like no other color can. Matisse said “Cutting directly into color reminds me of a sculptor's carving into stone” and i know exactly what he meant.
Sometimes I'll go to a new show or museum and find a painting I haven’t seen in person before and fall in to a zone that can last for hours. This recently happened at the MOMA Matisee show with “Flowers and Ceramic Plate" where I sat on a bench for two hours with my head in my hands staring and lost in it. Pulling the blues apart bit by infinitesimal bit and putting it back together in my head. I have no way to describe it but if it is possible to get high on color I do it. The vqs gave up and wandered off probably hoping nobody called Bellevue to come and get me.
When I was in college I had a professor who once told me that I was well on my way to becoming the ‘mad hatter’ of art. I laughed and took that as the biggest compliment but I never knew if he meant it that way or just thought i was cracking up.
“There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it you need to be as mad as a hatter.”
Sounds like the art world to me.
Incubus - Nice To Know You
Friday, July 30, 2010
I Need To Know
I’m going to do something a little radical here, even for me. Maybe a Friday night is the wrong time but I’m stuck at home unable to drink and this is really totally eating at me. So I’m going to ask for comments, no, I’m going to beg for comments if you are a Republican. I want to know one thing and one thing only. What, if anything, does your party stand for?
Please bear with me for a moment.
The party of no. No to health care reform, Wall Street reform, unemployment compensation extension, and on and on. This isn’t my point because, right or wrong, I know all the arguments so spare me and I’ll come to my point.
Last night the House voted on the 9/11 Health and Compensation Act, a bill that would have provided $7.4 billion in aid to victims of the 9/11 attacks. About $4 billion of this was for first responders who suffer after breathing in toxins while working at the site. I didn’t live in New York at the time but I was there not long after and saw what they went through. A month later dust still swirled around and made it hard to breath. President Bush stood at there and rightly praised the heroes of the day.
Now the Republican leadership calls this bill a ‘slush fund’ and it failed to pass by a vote of 255 – 159. Ten brave Republicans voted for the bill.
Now I’m going to repeat my question and beg for an answer because I just don’t get it at all. In the name of god what does your party stand for?
David Bowie - Heroes
Please bear with me for a moment.
The party of no. No to health care reform, Wall Street reform, unemployment compensation extension, and on and on. This isn’t my point because, right or wrong, I know all the arguments so spare me and I’ll come to my point.
Last night the House voted on the 9/11 Health and Compensation Act, a bill that would have provided $7.4 billion in aid to victims of the 9/11 attacks. About $4 billion of this was for first responders who suffer after breathing in toxins while working at the site. I didn’t live in New York at the time but I was there not long after and saw what they went through. A month later dust still swirled around and made it hard to breath. President Bush stood at there and rightly praised the heroes of the day.
Now the Republican leadership calls this bill a ‘slush fund’ and it failed to pass by a vote of 255 – 159. Ten brave Republicans voted for the bill.
Now I’m going to repeat my question and beg for an answer because I just don’t get it at all. In the name of god what does your party stand for?
David Bowie - Heroes
Observations from the Window 7.30
I procrastinate, I always have but I think its getting worse as I get older. Procrastinate to the point that yesterday I spent a very painful day with a wisdom tooth that should have been pulled years ago. I couldn’t move, couldn’t function at all, so till the day was over I downed a bottle of ibus and looked lovingly at a bottle of Cabo Wabo I have been saving for something special. Even worse is the fact that in between ‘naps’ all I did was stare at MSNBC and twitter coming to the realization that there is a never ending stream of tards in our world. Now I always knew this but something about being in pain to start with and than finding another pain in the ass just brings it more into focus.
So as a new tard of the day I give you former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich. A man whose day was already passing as I reached my teens, a man who used his power to shutdown the US government, and a man who resigned his seat in the House after having over 80 ethics violations charged against him. Now fifteen years later Newt seems to want to be President. And how will he run for president? Well he cant pull off the Sarah Palinesque leather clad bimbo next door style so he is going to follow that time honored Republican strategy, fear. He gave a speech in which he said that the US should pass a law that Sharia could never supplant the Constitution and liberal courts aren’t tempted to try to do so. He added that the Muslim community center to be built near ground zero is just a ‘outpost of sharia’ and shouldn’t be allowed under any circumstances.
Gingrich also said "There should be no mosque near ground zero in New York,so long as there are no churches or synagogues in Saudi Arabia."
Honestly I didn’t know there was a chance of Islamic Law becoming the law of the land. I must have been drunk one night and missed that one. And the man was once Speaker of the House but he seems to have forgotten that the First Amendment guarantees freedom of religion and last I knew I don’t think it contained any exceptions. Gingrich, it seems to me, has just become a hate mongering bigot. If Palin and Gingrich are the best the ‘Party of No’ has to offer the national debate may the gods help us all.
Now I’m thinking I’m behind the times on this one, maybe I should become a Muslim too. I mean I’m far from the best Christian anyway so no biggie there. Than I could be a dark artsie gothy arrogant muslim dyke, keep on that cutting edge as a social outcast. Ill have to think on that one.
I have some other gems to pass on but I wrote more than I planned on this so maybe ill write more later. Right now I have to go lose a bitchin tooth.
Moby - Natural Blues
So as a new tard of the day I give you former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich. A man whose day was already passing as I reached my teens, a man who used his power to shutdown the US government, and a man who resigned his seat in the House after having over 80 ethics violations charged against him. Now fifteen years later Newt seems to want to be President. And how will he run for president? Well he cant pull off the Sarah Palinesque leather clad bimbo next door style so he is going to follow that time honored Republican strategy, fear. He gave a speech in which he said that the US should pass a law that Sharia could never supplant the Constitution and liberal courts aren’t tempted to try to do so. He added that the Muslim community center to be built near ground zero is just a ‘outpost of sharia’ and shouldn’t be allowed under any circumstances.
Gingrich also said "There should be no mosque near ground zero in New York,so long as there are no churches or synagogues in Saudi Arabia."
Honestly I didn’t know there was a chance of Islamic Law becoming the law of the land. I must have been drunk one night and missed that one. And the man was once Speaker of the House but he seems to have forgotten that the First Amendment guarantees freedom of religion and last I knew I don’t think it contained any exceptions. Gingrich, it seems to me, has just become a hate mongering bigot. If Palin and Gingrich are the best the ‘Party of No’ has to offer the national debate may the gods help us all.
Now I’m thinking I’m behind the times on this one, maybe I should become a Muslim too. I mean I’m far from the best Christian anyway so no biggie there. Than I could be a dark artsie gothy arrogant muslim dyke, keep on that cutting edge as a social outcast. Ill have to think on that one.
I have some other gems to pass on but I wrote more than I planned on this so maybe ill write more later. Right now I have to go lose a bitchin tooth.
Moby - Natural Blues
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Observations from the Window 7.27
It was a beautiful night on the roof last night. A full moon, in a clear sky,blazing above the city with just a few wisps of clouds glowing beneath it. It seems like weeks since the sky has been without haze, the air cool and not humid at all. It was simply a stunning night and is just as gorgeous morning.
That being said, and with all due respect to Keith Olbermann, for the first time I’m going to play my own version of oddball. I start with MTV’s show “Jersey Shore” which starts it’s second season run Thursday night in, of all places, Miami. Shouldn’t it now be called Florida Shore or Miami Beach? I don’t get it at all. I also don’t get the Chamber of Commerce of Seaside Heights, NJ who didn’t want them back saying it was bad for the city’s image. I saw somebody say, I’m sorry I don’t remember who, that you can’t drop a house full of New Yorkers in a Jersey beach house and think that is the Jersey shore. Now there are few places I know better than the Jersey shore and in some spots that is exactly what it is. Especially north of Atlantic City which is exactly where Seaside Heights is.
A weird bit of trivia for you here. As Rehoboth is to DCers and gays Wildwood is to French Canadians. Don’t ask me why I think you should know that, I just think you should.
Next up is Tony Hayward, yes the BP CEO Tony Hayward. Seems the man got the ax at BP. You know he did want his life back after all, little did he know he was going to get it back in Siberia of all places. They fucking sent him to Siberia! You just have to love the poetic justice of it all. But how is he going to race his yacht on the frozen tundra or, for that matter, spend his pension? The pension is reportedly worth just short of a million dollars a year. That just makes me gag on my morning coffee. Rule over one of the greatest environmental disasters in history and you get off with a million a year. Pathetic.
Did you know BP has yet to pay a dime into that 20 billion dollar escrow account? They are still negotiating they say. Maybe if some of those Republican congressmen and, sadly, women had kept their oil coated mouths shut it would have been long paid. Meanwhile the unemployed in the gulf get by making a pittance cleaning the beaches.
I give you myself as the final oddball. I was reading some of what I guess you could call the ‘Afghan papers’ in the Times today. I had the totally not like me thought that maybe a Republican needs to win the next presidential election in 2012. Like Nixon going to China, you get a lot of history in art history, maybe only a Republican could just pull out of Afghanistan without getting the ‘cut and run’ label thrown at them. I think that’s all that works at this point. After all the money wasted and all the lives spent it’s time to just declare victory and come home. It’s time to end the longest war in American history any fucking way possible. I just hope we start pulling out next year as planned because I don’t want to have to come to grips with that Republican thought I had. It just scares the hell out of me.
My final thought is we send Tony Hayward and Snookie to Afghanistan on a good will tour. If that doesn’t end the war nothing i know of will.
As always life goes on.
Hollywood Undead - Young
That being said, and with all due respect to Keith Olbermann, for the first time I’m going to play my own version of oddball. I start with MTV’s show “Jersey Shore” which starts it’s second season run Thursday night in, of all places, Miami. Shouldn’t it now be called Florida Shore or Miami Beach? I don’t get it at all. I also don’t get the Chamber of Commerce of Seaside Heights, NJ who didn’t want them back saying it was bad for the city’s image. I saw somebody say, I’m sorry I don’t remember who, that you can’t drop a house full of New Yorkers in a Jersey beach house and think that is the Jersey shore. Now there are few places I know better than the Jersey shore and in some spots that is exactly what it is. Especially north of Atlantic City which is exactly where Seaside Heights is.
A weird bit of trivia for you here. As Rehoboth is to DCers and gays Wildwood is to French Canadians. Don’t ask me why I think you should know that, I just think you should.
Next up is Tony Hayward, yes the BP CEO Tony Hayward. Seems the man got the ax at BP. You know he did want his life back after all, little did he know he was going to get it back in Siberia of all places. They fucking sent him to Siberia! You just have to love the poetic justice of it all. But how is he going to race his yacht on the frozen tundra or, for that matter, spend his pension? The pension is reportedly worth just short of a million dollars a year. That just makes me gag on my morning coffee. Rule over one of the greatest environmental disasters in history and you get off with a million a year. Pathetic.
Did you know BP has yet to pay a dime into that 20 billion dollar escrow account? They are still negotiating they say. Maybe if some of those Republican congressmen and, sadly, women had kept their oil coated mouths shut it would have been long paid. Meanwhile the unemployed in the gulf get by making a pittance cleaning the beaches.
I give you myself as the final oddball. I was reading some of what I guess you could call the ‘Afghan papers’ in the Times today. I had the totally not like me thought that maybe a Republican needs to win the next presidential election in 2012. Like Nixon going to China, you get a lot of history in art history, maybe only a Republican could just pull out of Afghanistan without getting the ‘cut and run’ label thrown at them. I think that’s all that works at this point. After all the money wasted and all the lives spent it’s time to just declare victory and come home. It’s time to end the longest war in American history any fucking way possible. I just hope we start pulling out next year as planned because I don’t want to have to come to grips with that Republican thought I had. It just scares the hell out of me.
My final thought is we send Tony Hayward and Snookie to Afghanistan on a good will tour. If that doesn’t end the war nothing i know of will.
As always life goes on.
Hollywood Undead - Young
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Observations from the Roof 7.24
I’m sitting on the roof enjoying the light show on a Saturday night. To the one side an almost full moon big and bright, to the other side one hell of a lightning storm off over the ocean. But I’ll tell you what, this is just wrong, its 90 degrees and it’s almost 11 at night. The vqs seem to like it but I’m feeling a bit like the wicked vq of the west, I’m effing melting here. But the beer is ice cold and the limes are fresh, some things are always good.
I think it’s finally time I made a confession. I should have told you this long ago but I didn’t do it. Underneath this tall, dark, arrogant, artsie, antisocial dyke skin lurks another heart. Contrary to the image and reputation I have carefully crafted over the years, at times I am a total geek. There I said it, I admit it, and I feel so much better now.
I have two flickr sites, plurk, twitter, youtube, tumblr, and the blog. I have so many site accounts that one password would unlock the world for you, and no not just porn. I has mad computer skilzs that make a comp sing like Pavarotti singing Turandot to packed house. I love Lisbeth Salander not for her sexy tats but because she can make her comp sing too. Actually I want to take Lisbeth home to make my comp sing but that’s another story. I have a first life, a second life, and I'm sure a third lurks in the back of my brain even sluttier than the first two. And as further proof I'm writing this on a Saturday night.
I’m only telling you this because the heat and Corona are getting to me so don’t go spreading it around. After all I do have a reputation to protect.
But now I must go because the vqs are dragging me out for a night of training. See you all for breakfast. Black attire is required.
Black Veil Brides - Knives and Pens
I think it’s finally time I made a confession. I should have told you this long ago but I didn’t do it. Underneath this tall, dark, arrogant, artsie, antisocial dyke skin lurks another heart. Contrary to the image and reputation I have carefully crafted over the years, at times I am a total geek. There I said it, I admit it, and I feel so much better now.
I have two flickr sites, plurk, twitter, youtube, tumblr, and the blog. I have so many site accounts that one password would unlock the world for you, and no not just porn. I has mad computer skilzs that make a comp sing like Pavarotti singing Turandot to packed house. I love Lisbeth Salander not for her sexy tats but because she can make her comp sing too. Actually I want to take Lisbeth home to make my comp sing but that’s another story. I have a first life, a second life, and I'm sure a third lurks in the back of my brain even sluttier than the first two. And as further proof I'm writing this on a Saturday night.
I’m only telling you this because the heat and Corona are getting to me so don’t go spreading it around. After all I do have a reputation to protect.
But now I must go because the vqs are dragging me out for a night of training. See you all for breakfast. Black attire is required.
Black Veil Brides - Knives and Pens
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Observations from the Window 7.21
I’m sitting in the window taking in the street and listening to some news. The big leak in the gulf is plugged but yet it’s not. The economy seems to be getting better but yet it’s not. The heat in the air seems to abating but I know damn well it’s not. I can’t ever remember being so hot for so long, well not this kind of hot anyway. When I go to check on foxy it seems like I am walking into a furnace. I don’t need a microwave, I just take my little frozen meals along and sit them on the dash while I listen to tunes and chat up the security guard. It will be steaming hot delicious in no time at all in kind of a more now version of the egg frying on the hood test.
I see the Senate finally passed the unemployment extension. You have to love the argument that unemployment benefits just make people lazy and not want to look for work. People the unemployment rate is still hovering around 10% so it doesn’t matter if you look, the jobs just aren’t there. But I guess it is fine to pay thousands of Iraqis and Afghans pseudo unemployment, we don’t care if they are lazy as long as they don’t try and blow us up. Crazy effing world we live in.
I don’t normally post movie trailers but this looks really good in a bad way. I saw Valerie Plame and the trailer on Olbermann the other night. It's called ‘Countdown to Zero’ and is made by the same person who made Al Gore’s ‘An Inconvenient Truth’. It’s a rather chilling documentary about nuclear weapons and the need to have absolutely zero in the world. Especially eerie to me is the scene in which simulated shockwaves spread through the city of New York. That actually gives me goose bumps every time I watch it.
“The weapons of war must be abolished before they abolish us.”
John F. Kennedy
Life goes on, or not.
I see the Senate finally passed the unemployment extension. You have to love the argument that unemployment benefits just make people lazy and not want to look for work. People the unemployment rate is still hovering around 10% so it doesn’t matter if you look, the jobs just aren’t there. But I guess it is fine to pay thousands of Iraqis and Afghans pseudo unemployment, we don’t care if they are lazy as long as they don’t try and blow us up. Crazy effing world we live in.
I don’t normally post movie trailers but this looks really good in a bad way. I saw Valerie Plame and the trailer on Olbermann the other night. It's called ‘Countdown to Zero’ and is made by the same person who made Al Gore’s ‘An Inconvenient Truth’. It’s a rather chilling documentary about nuclear weapons and the need to have absolutely zero in the world. Especially eerie to me is the scene in which simulated shockwaves spread through the city of New York. That actually gives me goose bumps every time I watch it.
“The weapons of war must be abolished before they abolish us.”
John F. Kennedy
Life goes on, or not.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Observations on Art 7.18
Today was declared a VQ holiday in lieu of the fact that my friend and sometimes roomie scored some tickets to the first day of the Matisse exhibit at MOMA. So the gallery remained closed this Sunday and I’m not sure what those poor socializers did with their afternoon. But I’m not about to worry because I found myself in a state close to artgasmic.
“Matisse: Radical Invention, 1913–17” runs through October 11th at the Museum of Modern Art in New York. The exhibit is a stunning collection of over a hundred paintings, sculptures, and sketches done by Henri Matisse between 1913 and 1917. This is the early so-called dark period of Matisse’s career, so you can see the draw for me right there.
Of all the works two paintings stand out in my mind, two works with totally different looks. The first is “Flowers and Ceramic Plate" (p) which was painted in 1913. Almost the entire canvas is a stunning blue with a green ‘plate’ suspended above a vase of red and orange flowers. I can’t really convey the shade of blue, close to a palatinate blue, but it is so totally dazzling that it seems to fill the entire gallery with blue light. I had never seen this painting before as it is owned by the Städel Museum in Germany and I was a bit in awe of it. One of those paintings that you can not really see in a photo.
The second painting is “Portrait of Yvonne Landsberg” (p) which was painted the following year, 1914. The background of the portrait is as dark as the former was bright. I picture them in a room together with one drawing the light from the other. I am very familiar with this painting as it is owned by the Philadelphia Museum of Art and I have seen it many times. What is fascinating about this painting is the series of arcs around the body, the way Matisse dug into the paint of the black background to further delineate her shoulders and arms. It’s impossible to know but the theory is he used the butt end of his brush to do this. In his book “Matisse Portraits” John Klein described Matisse’s working on this painting as an “extended period of evolution, and the intensive labor suggested by the appearance — scraped, rubbed, scumbled — of the painting itself.” I always wanted to take this one home and I still do.
I could go on and on because there is a little known Matisse story I want to pass on but that will have to wait for another day. I don’t know if the exhibit will travel elsewhere, it has already been at the Art Institute of Chicago, but it is worth seeing if it does.
Charlotte Hatherley - White
“Matisse: Radical Invention, 1913–17” runs through October 11th at the Museum of Modern Art in New York. The exhibit is a stunning collection of over a hundred paintings, sculptures, and sketches done by Henri Matisse between 1913 and 1917. This is the early so-called dark period of Matisse’s career, so you can see the draw for me right there.
Of all the works two paintings stand out in my mind, two works with totally different looks. The first is “Flowers and Ceramic Plate" (p) which was painted in 1913. Almost the entire canvas is a stunning blue with a green ‘plate’ suspended above a vase of red and orange flowers. I can’t really convey the shade of blue, close to a palatinate blue, but it is so totally dazzling that it seems to fill the entire gallery with blue light. I had never seen this painting before as it is owned by the Städel Museum in Germany and I was a bit in awe of it. One of those paintings that you can not really see in a photo.
The second painting is “Portrait of Yvonne Landsberg” (p) which was painted the following year, 1914. The background of the portrait is as dark as the former was bright. I picture them in a room together with one drawing the light from the other. I am very familiar with this painting as it is owned by the Philadelphia Museum of Art and I have seen it many times. What is fascinating about this painting is the series of arcs around the body, the way Matisse dug into the paint of the black background to further delineate her shoulders and arms. It’s impossible to know but the theory is he used the butt end of his brush to do this. In his book “Matisse Portraits” John Klein described Matisse’s working on this painting as an “extended period of evolution, and the intensive labor suggested by the appearance — scraped, rubbed, scumbled — of the painting itself.” I always wanted to take this one home and I still do.
I could go on and on because there is a little known Matisse story I want to pass on but that will have to wait for another day. I don’t know if the exhibit will travel elsewhere, it has already been at the Art Institute of Chicago, but it is worth seeing if it does.
Charlotte Hatherley - White
Scribbles from the Coffee Shop 7.18
I can here it now 'damn somebody is in one of her moods.' But not really, I was just scribbling on a tablet waiting for my breakfast and this is what I ended up with ....
The hurtful stares, The burning laughs,
Am I really that different?
Does it matter who I like,
Whether it be boys, girls, or both?
I live every day being hated, despised,
For something I was born with.
What disease plagues me so?
What makes them hate?
To some I am a leper, a freak with no worth.
A homosexual, A gay,
A godless heathen.
I love my fellow women more than most others.
Does that make me wrong?
Will I be forgiven by God?
To be honest,
I don't care about anyone's opinion,
Let alone God's.
30 Seconds To Mars - Attack
The hurtful stares, The burning laughs,
Am I really that different?
Does it matter who I like,
Whether it be boys, girls, or both?
I live every day being hated, despised,
For something I was born with.
What disease plagues me so?
What makes them hate?
To some I am a leper, a freak with no worth.
A homosexual, A gay,
A godless heathen.
I love my fellow women more than most others.
Does that make me wrong?
Will I be forgiven by God?
To be honest,
I don't care about anyone's opinion,
Let alone God's.
30 Seconds To Mars - Attack
Friday, July 16, 2010
Observations from the Window 7.16
Well something new here, late night mildly drunken blogging. Thank all gods in advance for spell check. I was sitting in the window reading and, as usually happens, I put down the book and picked up my lap to cruise my ever changing sites. I’m sure somewhere across the street somebody is looking at me bathed in the LCD glow and wondering what I am looking at, or reading, maybe what porn I am watching. Now I wish I could see them too because I want to know what they are doing and I can’t even see them. And I wonder if they have better porn than me too.
Before I started this I was just beginning a new book, ‘The Lotus Eaters’ by Tatjana Soli. It’s the story of a woman combat photographer in Vietnam and one of those books that begins at the end of the story and than travels back to the beginning. Just a few pages into the book, as she wanders the deserted streets of Saigon before the fall, is one of those lines that grabs you and wont let go. “If one was rich and powerful, one was already gone. Only the losers of history remained.” God that line, ok lines, has to be a metaphor for so many things but at the moment I have no clue what it would be. I just hope that the rest of the book lives up to those lines.
Funny she is a photographer too because I was thinking about that before I even picked up the book. I have been so into my photography lately, to the total detriment of the rest of my art. My brushes, pencils, and paints stacked forlornly in a corner of my bedroom like once used props waiting for another idea. I’m not sure I’m totally thrilled with this turn of events but it is what it is and I haven’t really painted since I finished ‘Gurl Parts’ almost a year ago. I used to live to lock myself away for days drinking, smoking, painting, and little else. I miss the smell of the paints, the feel of the brush in my hand, the tired but ecstatic feeling I get when I finish a painting I like. I just feels like I’m in the grips of instant gratification art but I have no idea what to do about it.
And one final semi drunken thought. A Corona without a lime is like sex without an orgasm. It just shouldn’t happen. And a question, is Anderson Cooper ever at home in the Village? I know I'm gay but damn!
Sonic Syndicate - My Own life
Before I started this I was just beginning a new book, ‘The Lotus Eaters’ by Tatjana Soli. It’s the story of a woman combat photographer in Vietnam and one of those books that begins at the end of the story and than travels back to the beginning. Just a few pages into the book, as she wanders the deserted streets of Saigon before the fall, is one of those lines that grabs you and wont let go. “If one was rich and powerful, one was already gone. Only the losers of history remained.” God that line, ok lines, has to be a metaphor for so many things but at the moment I have no clue what it would be. I just hope that the rest of the book lives up to those lines.
Funny she is a photographer too because I was thinking about that before I even picked up the book. I have been so into my photography lately, to the total detriment of the rest of my art. My brushes, pencils, and paints stacked forlornly in a corner of my bedroom like once used props waiting for another idea. I’m not sure I’m totally thrilled with this turn of events but it is what it is and I haven’t really painted since I finished ‘Gurl Parts’ almost a year ago. I used to live to lock myself away for days drinking, smoking, painting, and little else. I miss the smell of the paints, the feel of the brush in my hand, the tired but ecstatic feeling I get when I finish a painting I like. I just feels like I’m in the grips of instant gratification art but I have no idea what to do about it.
And one final semi drunken thought. A Corona without a lime is like sex without an orgasm. It just shouldn’t happen. And a question, is Anderson Cooper ever at home in the Village? I know I'm gay but damn!
Sonic Syndicate - My Own life
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Observations from the Window 7.14
Sitting in the window tonight I can actually see a crescent moon over the city. The haze of the past few days washed away by a late afternoon rain. If it could only last for a couple months I might survive this summer in the city. I don’t hold out much hope for that but I’ll take anything I can get.
Nothing much to pass on tonight but I have one little intriguing thing. I was blog hopping the other day and came upon this site. Called ‘I Write Like’ it is a self described “statistical analysis tool, which analyzes your word choice and writing style and compares them to those of the famous writers.” This I had to try so I inserted my last blog post to see what it came up with. It told me I write like David Foster Wallace which is flattering except for two things. One it is nowhere near the truth and two David Foster Wallace committed suicide by hanging himself. Hopefully IWL doesn’t know something it isn’t telling me.
The only other thing I wanted to pass on was something I heard on the news yesterday. We as a nation are to the point that every tax dollar, every dollar from every source, which the government takes in goes to pay only three programs. Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid. Everything else is borrowed, in all likelihood from China. Pardon my language but we as a nation are fucked.
Speaking of which there are more important things on the news than the tragedy that is us. Did you see Lindsay Lohan’s fingernails in court?
Damn. In the short time it took to write this the moon is gone but, again damn, Rachel looks hot in black tonight so life is still good.
Metric - Stadium Love
Nothing much to pass on tonight but I have one little intriguing thing. I was blog hopping the other day and came upon this site. Called ‘I Write Like’ it is a self described “statistical analysis tool, which analyzes your word choice and writing style and compares them to those of the famous writers.” This I had to try so I inserted my last blog post to see what it came up with. It told me I write like David Foster Wallace which is flattering except for two things. One it is nowhere near the truth and two David Foster Wallace committed suicide by hanging himself. Hopefully IWL doesn’t know something it isn’t telling me.
The only other thing I wanted to pass on was something I heard on the news yesterday. We as a nation are to the point that every tax dollar, every dollar from every source, which the government takes in goes to pay only three programs. Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid. Everything else is borrowed, in all likelihood from China. Pardon my language but we as a nation are fucked.
Speaking of which there are more important things on the news than the tragedy that is us. Did you see Lindsay Lohan’s fingernails in court?
Damn. In the short time it took to write this the moon is gone but, again damn, Rachel looks hot in black tonight so life is still good.
Metric - Stadium Love
Monday, July 12, 2010
Observations from the Road 7.12
Saturday night I had a very private conversation with a friend of mine. I won’t get into what it was about, that’s just between us, but on my long drive home from the Arts Fest in State College last night I had time to think. Fool that I am I didn’t think of traffic leaving so a close to four hour drive became over five hours. So I had plenty of time to think.
When I was in high school and than into college I was a very proud person. I knew exactly who I was and I was proud of it. Than I fell into some bad times and a lot of that pride drained away over a couple of bad summers. I have had so many changes over the last year one would think that the last thing I would get out of it was a return of that pride. But it seems to be trickling back. Thing is, and what I was thinking about while driving, I’m not so sure I know exactly who I am or what I am proud of. So I started running things through my mind to see what I would say if somebody asked what came to mind when I thought of myself. So for what its worth here is what I came up with. You probably won’t be surprised at the answers but the order.
First I am an artist. I love art, live for it, thrive on it. My art is an expression of who I am. But I need more than just my art. I need that constantly changing spectrum of painting, writing, and photography that is art itself. I think I would die without it. I am constantly looking for new avenues of expression. Next up is a sex blog. Just kidding!
Second I am a woman. A woman with all the desires, passions, and wants of any woman. I feel the pain of women throughout the world whose rights are trampled or have none, who live a second class life for one reason or another. I want to help but, at the same time, have no idea how.
Third I am a daughter, sister, and a friend. I love my family and friends more than anything and would do anything for them. I can be loyal to a fault but I suppose there are worse things in life than that.
Fourth I am an addict, or more to the point was. I can’t explain it if you have never been there but it will always be with me. Something in me that is hopefully gone forever but still always lurking in the background of my life, always to be watched.
And fifth I am a lesbian. This is what surprised me. Ten years ago if you would have asked me who I was I would have said s lesbian without missing a beat. It’s what I was most proud of, who I was, but now it doesn’t seem as important. And to be honest I don’t understand this feeling at all.
And so I asked myself a question and, in the end, came up with a bigger question.
Brandon Flowers - Crossfire
When I was in high school and than into college I was a very proud person. I knew exactly who I was and I was proud of it. Than I fell into some bad times and a lot of that pride drained away over a couple of bad summers. I have had so many changes over the last year one would think that the last thing I would get out of it was a return of that pride. But it seems to be trickling back. Thing is, and what I was thinking about while driving, I’m not so sure I know exactly who I am or what I am proud of. So I started running things through my mind to see what I would say if somebody asked what came to mind when I thought of myself. So for what its worth here is what I came up with. You probably won’t be surprised at the answers but the order.
First I am an artist. I love art, live for it, thrive on it. My art is an expression of who I am. But I need more than just my art. I need that constantly changing spectrum of painting, writing, and photography that is art itself. I think I would die without it. I am constantly looking for new avenues of expression. Next up is a sex blog. Just kidding!
Second I am a woman. A woman with all the desires, passions, and wants of any woman. I feel the pain of women throughout the world whose rights are trampled or have none, who live a second class life for one reason or another. I want to help but, at the same time, have no idea how.
Third I am a daughter, sister, and a friend. I love my family and friends more than anything and would do anything for them. I can be loyal to a fault but I suppose there are worse things in life than that.
Fourth I am an addict, or more to the point was. I can’t explain it if you have never been there but it will always be with me. Something in me that is hopefully gone forever but still always lurking in the background of my life, always to be watched.
And fifth I am a lesbian. This is what surprised me. Ten years ago if you would have asked me who I was I would have said s lesbian without missing a beat. It’s what I was most proud of, who I was, but now it doesn’t seem as important. And to be honest I don’t understand this feeling at all.
And so I asked myself a question and, in the end, came up with a bigger question.
Brandon Flowers - Crossfire
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Observations from the Library 7.8
It’s been so damn hot in the Village this week, hotter than I ever remember it being here. Today it isn’t so bad but it is way more humid than it has been and the ‘reel feel’ temperature is pushing 100 again. That’s effing hot, so hot I wore a skirt to work today. I had some things to do at the library too and luckily they keep it nice and cool in there. So hot I’ve been having this overwhelming urge to sit naked under the ceiling fan in our living room, just to let that air wash down over me.
So how hot is hot? I went to check on foxy yesterday and thought I was going to melt till I got out of her. Who in their right mind buys a black car with a black leather interior? And I have this mad desire to play ‘mythbuster’ and try and fry an egg on the hood of a car. Not my car though! You ever see what egg does to the finish of a car? I am going to need a volunteer for this. Speaking of the show ‘Mythbusters.’ I think that Kari Byron is kind of hot too. Her bio on the ‘Discovery Channel’ website says she is a trained painter, sculptor, and has had shows in major San Francisco galleries but sadly it seems she is married. So much for that idea.
But back to the heat in the Village. Another urge i have been having is to go buy a garden hose, take it up to the roof, and spray it straight up in the air. Just like when I was a kid. Which, before you ask, yes I was a kid once! Have I mentioned its freaking hot outside? Been taking warm, no cool, showers and forgoing my beloved steam. That means it is hot because I love my steam and my steam sometimes loves me back. And the ancient ac in our apartment building seems ready to give it up. I think it is pumping humidity back into the air in a total disregard of my comfort.
And where are all those global warming naysayers? Funny how you aren't hearing a peep out of them right now. Probably all safely enconsed in their air conditioned limos and mega homes all paid for with dollars form BP et al while the air seems to burn and the Gulf of Mexico turns to the color of bad coffee. All we need to make this story perfect is another Katrina sized storm blowing through the gulf.
But enough. I am going to the mountains this weekend for the big State College Arts Festival and a meet up with 'the kid' and my sis. It seems like a big chill down is on the way too with the high for Saturday supposed to be a comparatively frigid 75 in the mountains. I can hardly wait.
Billy Idol - Hot In The City
So how hot is hot? I went to check on foxy yesterday and thought I was going to melt till I got out of her. Who in their right mind buys a black car with a black leather interior? And I have this mad desire to play ‘mythbuster’ and try and fry an egg on the hood of a car. Not my car though! You ever see what egg does to the finish of a car? I am going to need a volunteer for this. Speaking of the show ‘Mythbusters.’ I think that Kari Byron is kind of hot too. Her bio on the ‘Discovery Channel’ website says she is a trained painter, sculptor, and has had shows in major San Francisco galleries but sadly it seems she is married. So much for that idea.
But back to the heat in the Village. Another urge i have been having is to go buy a garden hose, take it up to the roof, and spray it straight up in the air. Just like when I was a kid. Which, before you ask, yes I was a kid once! Have I mentioned its freaking hot outside? Been taking warm, no cool, showers and forgoing my beloved steam. That means it is hot because I love my steam and my steam sometimes loves me back. And the ancient ac in our apartment building seems ready to give it up. I think it is pumping humidity back into the air in a total disregard of my comfort.
And where are all those global warming naysayers? Funny how you aren't hearing a peep out of them right now. Probably all safely enconsed in their air conditioned limos and mega homes all paid for with dollars form BP et al while the air seems to burn and the Gulf of Mexico turns to the color of bad coffee. All we need to make this story perfect is another Katrina sized storm blowing through the gulf.
But enough. I am going to the mountains this weekend for the big State College Arts Festival and a meet up with 'the kid' and my sis. It seems like a big chill down is on the way too with the high for Saturday supposed to be a comparatively frigid 75 in the mountains. I can hardly wait.
Billy Idol - Hot In The City
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Observations from the Window, Hope
Hope
If you read my last post it may seem that all hope is lost but yet it’s a word connecting the comments to that post like a web. I didn’t mean for that post to seem so hopeless but it was made up of some thoughts I felt I needed to say. At the same time I really am full of hope and I think I should tell you why.
I know a girl whose life parallels mine in so many ways. She is so very different from me yet so much alike. I always knew I was gay, I know that might be rare but I just never had a moment where I didn’t know. This girl grew into that awareness and at times struggled with it. She asked me so many thought provoking questions that I was sometimes worried it was more a phase than a realization.
When I was in high school I wrapped myself in my gayness in an arrogant and cocky ‘this is who I am and you will know it’ facade. The girl I’m thinking of does the same thing but in such a different way than I did. She is so self-assured and confident of herself that she doesn’t have to throw it in anybody’s face. She knows who she is and makes no effort to hide it. As if she is saying ‘if you don’t like me and who I am that’s just too bad and your loss because I am a good person.’
This girl is as popular in school as any straight girl. It just makes no difference to her friends, teachers, coaches, or to anybody else that matters to her. She is an awesome student and captain of her hockey team, everything just seems to go so much smoother for her than it did for me. I know part of it is the fact that she doesn’t have my arrogant abrasive personality. But I also like to think things really have changed in just a short time, changed so very much for the better.
I have only been out of high school about ten years now, really a very short time in the scheme of things, and my sister, my mini me, is ten years younger than me. And yes that girl I have been talking about is my younger sister. Every time I think about her life compared to mine I do have hope. Not so much hope that people can change, I know they can but deep down I fear they won’t, but hope that thanks to people like my sister and her generation it just won’t matter if you are gay anymore. That might be the best hope of all. That it just won’t matter anymore.
I am a very proud sister.
Michael Paynter - Love The Fall
(added comment)
If you read my last post it may seem that all hope is lost but yet it’s a word connecting the comments to that post like a web. I didn’t mean for that post to seem so hopeless but it was made up of some thoughts I felt I needed to say. At the same time I really am full of hope and I think I should tell you why.
I know a girl whose life parallels mine in so many ways. She is so very different from me yet so much alike. I always knew I was gay, I know that might be rare but I just never had a moment where I didn’t know. This girl grew into that awareness and at times struggled with it. She asked me so many thought provoking questions that I was sometimes worried it was more a phase than a realization.
When I was in high school I wrapped myself in my gayness in an arrogant and cocky ‘this is who I am and you will know it’ facade. The girl I’m thinking of does the same thing but in such a different way than I did. She is so self-assured and confident of herself that she doesn’t have to throw it in anybody’s face. She knows who she is and makes no effort to hide it. As if she is saying ‘if you don’t like me and who I am that’s just too bad and your loss because I am a good person.’
This girl is as popular in school as any straight girl. It just makes no difference to her friends, teachers, coaches, or to anybody else that matters to her. She is an awesome student and captain of her hockey team, everything just seems to go so much smoother for her than it did for me. I know part of it is the fact that she doesn’t have my arrogant abrasive personality. But I also like to think things really have changed in just a short time, changed so very much for the better.
I have only been out of high school about ten years now, really a very short time in the scheme of things, and my sister, my mini me, is ten years younger than me. And yes that girl I have been talking about is my younger sister. Every time I think about her life compared to mine I do have hope. Not so much hope that people can change, I know they can but deep down I fear they won’t, but hope that thanks to people like my sister and her generation it just won’t matter if you are gay anymore. That might be the best hope of all. That it just won’t matter anymore.
I am a very proud sister.
Michael Paynter - Love The Fall
(added comment)
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