I’m sitting in the window indulging my passion for Philly sports, NY teams be damned. Luckily the Flyers playoff game is on cable because I guess I have to get used to not watching the Phils. Hell I’m going to miss that, their best start in years and i can't watch. At the same time I'm catching up on some reading too.
So than I ran across a column on drug addiction that just pissed me off. I know I have mentioned my addictive personality before. My drug probs and trip to rehab, all water under the blog bridge I guess. But something in this just grabbed me by the throat and shook me a bit. This is the exact quote ….
‘Most people who take up drug addiction ….’
Huh? Or to be more precise, WTF ?? Take up drug addiction. How can anybody in their right mind say something like that? Yeah take up drug addiction, like you take up knitting or fishing.
I didn’t want to ‘take up’ something that stole a month of my life. Stole that time so completely that at times I can’t remember any of it at all. From a trip to the shore, to driving my car into a ditch, and than landing in rehab, most of a summer of my life gone forever. And the thing is the addiction is never totally gone. Not really. Some people think you can cheat, just once, one line can’t hurt. But it’s not like that at all. One line could send me back into that dark pit, that little corner of hell I was in, and this time I might not climb out. So I guess I live with that till the day I die.
So ‘take it up’?? What the hell are you thinking?
For the record the Urban Dictionary defines cocaine as "A drug that is so important that you lie to the people that you love and steal from the people that trust you." Sounds about right.
I guess I’m just rambling here. Pissed off by a written line. I’m not sure but I think this is why I started this blog in the first place. Sometimes I just need to ramble, vent, and blow off some steam so my brain doesn’t implode.
Life goes on
'.... I only want you to see
My favorite part of me
And not my ugly side
Not my ugly side ....'
tuneage, Blue October - Ugly Side
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Foxy
So yeah the trip ….
I have to laugh because you go through the Holland Tunnel and sprint across New Jersey, which is neither here nor there, but it reminds me of one of my brother’s fav jokes. Whenever he meets somebody who say they are from Jersey he answers with ‘yeah, what exit’. Well I think it’s funny.
After three hours of intermittent sleep and reading we pull into the bus station. And there she was waiting on the parking lot. Sitting on the hood of my Foxy was my sister, my mini-me. In so many ways the 17 year old I wish I had been. Cute, athletic, and self-confident to the extreme she seems a more refined and less grating version of the arrogant rebellious teenager I was. Than again if I hadn’t come first she wouldn’t have that well worn leather jacket she was wearing. There is that, and the six extra inches of height I have.
I watched the Masters and Phillies with my dad and spent time with my sis. It was totally a good weekend. But after three months in the Village, and no trip home, I got a heavy dose of culture shock going back to rural Pennsylvania. It aint Kansas but it aint the Village either. Seriously, the birds have more colors than just gray in Pennsylvania.
But what of Foxy. After a top down, hair back, tunes blaring drive back Foxy is parked in a garage just a couple blocks away. As I look out the window I have to smile knowing I’m not as ‘trapped’ as I once felt. I know it was just a feeling but it was a feeling that was eating at me. I need to know I can just get up and go, escape if you will, and not have to depend on a bus or train schedule. Not that I’m going to drive her much, this city totally isn’t made for driving, but when I want to now I can. After all the beach season is upon us and Penn State football is only five months off.
Than there is my mini-me, I miss her already. I love my sis.
tuneage, Deftones - Rocket Skates
I have to laugh because you go through the Holland Tunnel and sprint across New Jersey, which is neither here nor there, but it reminds me of one of my brother’s fav jokes. Whenever he meets somebody who say they are from Jersey he answers with ‘yeah, what exit’. Well I think it’s funny.
After three hours of intermittent sleep and reading we pull into the bus station. And there she was waiting on the parking lot. Sitting on the hood of my Foxy was my sister, my mini-me. In so many ways the 17 year old I wish I had been. Cute, athletic, and self-confident to the extreme she seems a more refined and less grating version of the arrogant rebellious teenager I was. Than again if I hadn’t come first she wouldn’t have that well worn leather jacket she was wearing. There is that, and the six extra inches of height I have.
I watched the Masters and Phillies with my dad and spent time with my sis. It was totally a good weekend. But after three months in the Village, and no trip home, I got a heavy dose of culture shock going back to rural Pennsylvania. It aint Kansas but it aint the Village either. Seriously, the birds have more colors than just gray in Pennsylvania.
But what of Foxy. After a top down, hair back, tunes blaring drive back Foxy is parked in a garage just a couple blocks away. As I look out the window I have to smile knowing I’m not as ‘trapped’ as I once felt. I know it was just a feeling but it was a feeling that was eating at me. I need to know I can just get up and go, escape if you will, and not have to depend on a bus or train schedule. Not that I’m going to drive her much, this city totally isn’t made for driving, but when I want to now I can. After all the beach season is upon us and Penn State football is only five months off.
Than there is my mini-me, I miss her already. I love my sis.
tuneage, Deftones - Rocket Skates
the Port Authority
Finally going home for my car but first I have to survive the bus terminal.
Words can’t totally describe the Port Authority Bus Terminal, the starting point for my weekend adventure. I know they are trying to take it the way of Time Square, which is only blocks away, but is after all a bus terminal. I was even told they have remodeled the bowling alley. Nothing says ‘America’ like bowling while you wait for your bus. Now that is what makes life worth living.
Stepping from the cab and walking through the door the first thing you notice are the crowds of people. Not the same as airport crowds or train station crowds. No this is something special, the look of refugees from another world. Borderline schizophrenics escaping to New York and one time schizophrenics escaping from it, excited waifs from the Midwest with dreams of glory in their heads and a look of awe in their eyes.
I have to smile and think ‘nope this isn’t Kansas anymore.' It sounds lame but it's oh so true.
As always I have to wonder where everybody is going. Are they happy? Are they sad? Do they have a place to stay or will they be sleeping on my steps when I get back?
I just shrug and step on the bus.
tuneage, Rammstein - Amerika
Words can’t totally describe the Port Authority Bus Terminal, the starting point for my weekend adventure. I know they are trying to take it the way of Time Square, which is only blocks away, but is after all a bus terminal. I was even told they have remodeled the bowling alley. Nothing says ‘America’ like bowling while you wait for your bus. Now that is what makes life worth living.
Stepping from the cab and walking through the door the first thing you notice are the crowds of people. Not the same as airport crowds or train station crowds. No this is something special, the look of refugees from another world. Borderline schizophrenics escaping to New York and one time schizophrenics escaping from it, excited waifs from the Midwest with dreams of glory in their heads and a look of awe in their eyes.
I have to smile and think ‘nope this isn’t Kansas anymore.' It sounds lame but it's oh so true.
As always I have to wonder where everybody is going. Are they happy? Are they sad? Do they have a place to stay or will they be sleeping on my steps when I get back?
I just shrug and step on the bus.
tuneage, Rammstein - Amerika
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Observations from the Window 4.10
Six weeks.
My first six weeks of bartending is finished and now I get a break. Six weeks of little sleep, short naps whenever I can grab them, and way too much Red Bull. Six weeks finished with a breakfast of waffles, strawberries, and a beer. I know that sounds wrong but it tasted sooo good.
God I loved it and hated it at the same time ....
And what did I accomplish?
Well in six weeks I made enough in tips to park my car for a year. I signed a lease a couple days ago and I just had to smile. I miss foxy and with summer coming I can imagine putting the top down and just heading out to the beaches of Long Island. I feel a little less trapped already. And, more importantly, when fall rolls around, I can head out the interstate and party with my 100,000 friends at PSU football games. Hey some things never change. Some things really are more important than others.
I learned I still like music more than anything else. I always have and I have always been drawn to musicians. But I also learned that some music, well, just sucks. I’ve also made new friends. Friends out of my usual art world including my bartender partner who bought me breakfast and my bouncer dude who nicknamed me ‘peanut’, which just scares the hell out of me.
And what was the cost?
The jury is still out on that question. I know it’s been hard on my friends. It’s been hard on Ash who is going to make me pay I’m sure. It was emotionally and physically draining. I feel like I have like fifty hours of sleep I owe myself and have no idea when or how I’m going to pay it back. But like I always said in high school, I' sleep when I'm dead. And I know it’s been hard on a special relationship of mine, which is something I’m so very sorry for.
But I also learned something tonight, something so totally obvious. When you love somebody as a friend or a lover or whatever, well, just to spend some time with them is so just awesome.
I just have to smile
tuneage, Gnarls Barkley - Reckoner
My first six weeks of bartending is finished and now I get a break. Six weeks of little sleep, short naps whenever I can grab them, and way too much Red Bull. Six weeks finished with a breakfast of waffles, strawberries, and a beer. I know that sounds wrong but it tasted sooo good.
God I loved it and hated it at the same time ....
And what did I accomplish?
Well in six weeks I made enough in tips to park my car for a year. I signed a lease a couple days ago and I just had to smile. I miss foxy and with summer coming I can imagine putting the top down and just heading out to the beaches of Long Island. I feel a little less trapped already. And, more importantly, when fall rolls around, I can head out the interstate and party with my 100,000 friends at PSU football games. Hey some things never change. Some things really are more important than others.
I learned I still like music more than anything else. I always have and I have always been drawn to musicians. But I also learned that some music, well, just sucks. I’ve also made new friends. Friends out of my usual art world including my bartender partner who bought me breakfast and my bouncer dude who nicknamed me ‘peanut’, which just scares the hell out of me.
And what was the cost?
The jury is still out on that question. I know it’s been hard on my friends. It’s been hard on Ash who is going to make me pay I’m sure. It was emotionally and physically draining. I feel like I have like fifty hours of sleep I owe myself and have no idea when or how I’m going to pay it back. But like I always said in high school, I' sleep when I'm dead. And I know it’s been hard on a special relationship of mine, which is something I’m so very sorry for.
But I also learned something tonight, something so totally obvious. When you love somebody as a friend or a lover or whatever, well, just to spend some time with them is so just awesome.
I just have to smile
tuneage, Gnarls Barkley - Reckoner
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Constance McMillen Update 4.7
Ill just keep my mouth shut before I start to vent again. But I thought I would share some things I was reading yesterday.
“…I have a challenge to every prom committee out there in every city, town, and village across America. Show the world that we're not all like the parents and students of the Itawamba County School district. Send an invitation to Constance McMillen. You don't need to be elaborate, no pomp and circumstance, you just need to send a note to Constance, via the ACLU of Mississipi, that asks simply, "You wanna go to the prom?"
from Michael Seitzman via The Huffington Post
“…Back to present day: the school district attorney invited Constance and all the other students to a prom at the country club in Fulton, on Friday April 2nd. because of the low turn out and from sources in the area, LGR has found out that there was a “real prom” held for the school’s straight, popular students. The rumor is that school officials were directly involved in this ruse …”
from Lezgetreal
“…We can all learn a lot from Constance McMillan and how she has handled herself -- when we see something that doesn't seem right, it probably isn't. And it is the responsibility of every one of us to take some kind of action on behalf of fairness. Whether you bring up bullying at the next PTA meeting, write a letter to the Itawamba County School District, or call out your friends or co-workers when they say "faggot" or "that's so gay," you are improving the climate for queer youth -- and adults. Do something.”
from Candace Gingrich-Jones also via The Huffington Post
“Here’s the news, from a source I view as extremely reliable. The prom the school district promised at the country club in Fulton was a ruse. Only seven kids, Constance, and her date showed, and at the same time, everyone else held a “real” prom at a secret location out in the county …”
from Y’all Politics
Y’all Politics? I read to damn much ....
“…I have a challenge to every prom committee out there in every city, town, and village across America. Show the world that we're not all like the parents and students of the Itawamba County School district. Send an invitation to Constance McMillen. You don't need to be elaborate, no pomp and circumstance, you just need to send a note to Constance, via the ACLU of Mississipi, that asks simply, "You wanna go to the prom?"
from Michael Seitzman via The Huffington Post
“…Back to present day: the school district attorney invited Constance and all the other students to a prom at the country club in Fulton, on Friday April 2nd. because of the low turn out and from sources in the area, LGR has found out that there was a “real prom” held for the school’s straight, popular students. The rumor is that school officials were directly involved in this ruse …”
from Lezgetreal
“…We can all learn a lot from Constance McMillan and how she has handled herself -- when we see something that doesn't seem right, it probably isn't. And it is the responsibility of every one of us to take some kind of action on behalf of fairness. Whether you bring up bullying at the next PTA meeting, write a letter to the Itawamba County School District, or call out your friends or co-workers when they say "faggot" or "that's so gay," you are improving the climate for queer youth -- and adults. Do something.”
from Candace Gingrich-Jones also via The Huffington Post
“Here’s the news, from a source I view as extremely reliable. The prom the school district promised at the country club in Fulton was a ruse. Only seven kids, Constance, and her date showed, and at the same time, everyone else held a “real” prom at a secret location out in the county …”
from Y’all Politics
Y’all Politics? I read to damn much ....
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Observations from the Roof 4.6
With the coming of spring I have added a whole new vantage point to my view of the city around me. If the window seat is like a cocoon looking out onto the city the roof feels like the city giving me a big hug. Fill the cooler with beer, grab the limes, and climb the final two flights of stairs to the roof and a new world waits. A world centered on friends, broken down deck chairs and beer can ashtrays.
Looking out over the rooftops on a clear warm night the city seems to pulse with energy. Car horns replace crickets, neon lights replace lightning bugs, and a sheet of worn indoor outdoor carpet replaces grass in this world. Ok it’s not summer yet and I’m getting ahead of myself, but still i can feel it tonight.
It’s a funny feeling sitting up there sipping beer and talking. I first sat up here last summer on vacation and it was an instant hit with me. Than again beer is always a hit with me but I digress. Of all the things I have done since I moved here, exploring and such, up here I feel more apart of the larger city than at any other time. It’s loud and quiet, bright and dark, scary and tame, all these things at the same time.
It helps to share it with your best fiend too. Sometimes sitting around talking, talking about nothing and everything, seems to part the clouds in front of your eyes and you just have to smile.
Sports update – Phillies beat the Nationals to start the new season. Look out World Series, here we come again. F&%# the Yankees !!
tuneage, Norah Jones - Young Blood
Looking out over the rooftops on a clear warm night the city seems to pulse with energy. Car horns replace crickets, neon lights replace lightning bugs, and a sheet of worn indoor outdoor carpet replaces grass in this world. Ok it’s not summer yet and I’m getting ahead of myself, but still i can feel it tonight.
It’s a funny feeling sitting up there sipping beer and talking. I first sat up here last summer on vacation and it was an instant hit with me. Than again beer is always a hit with me but I digress. Of all the things I have done since I moved here, exploring and such, up here I feel more apart of the larger city than at any other time. It’s loud and quiet, bright and dark, scary and tame, all these things at the same time.
It helps to share it with your best fiend too. Sometimes sitting around talking, talking about nothing and everything, seems to part the clouds in front of your eyes and you just have to smile.
Sports update – Phillies beat the Nationals to start the new season. Look out World Series, here we come again. F&%# the Yankees !!
tuneage, Norah Jones - Young Blood
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Observations from the Window 4.4
Through the miracle of modern science, or more truthfully those little bottles of 5 hour energy drink, I’m sitting in the window once again as the new day begins. Not quite as nice a morning as yesterday as a heavy fog blankets the city today. A cool raw breeze sends trash tumbling down the street. Happy Easter it calls. Not quite the Easter morning I am used to but Easter just the same.
I’m too tired to be awake but yet still too wired to sleep more than a couple hours at a time. It’s almost as if I have hit some kind of reverse wall where I just stay awake instead of dropping off to sleep. I’m beginning to understand those vamp queens more and more.
A few hours ago this had all the makings of an uber melancholy post. I’m a touch homesick because I haven’t been home for months and I don’t think I have ever missed Easter at home. A dark mood was starting to grab hold of my brain. But a middle of the night conversation with a good friend seemed to melt the mood away and put a smile back on my face.
I found out Friday I finally got to the top of the waiting list for a spot in the nearby garage. That was awesome news. Hopefully sometime this week I can get home and spend some time than bring my car back with me. Maybe even my bike. Now that would be totally awesome too.
I new when I moved here that spring was going to be a big test for me. A test of how much I would miss the mountains and the open spaces. The flowers and trees, just walking bare foot in the grass. I’m going to miss a lot of things the question being how much. But with my car, and maybe my bike, I’ll survive. There are so many places too explore on Long Island and up north.
As always time will tell
tuneage, Cage The Elephant - Back Against The Wall
I’m too tired to be awake but yet still too wired to sleep more than a couple hours at a time. It’s almost as if I have hit some kind of reverse wall where I just stay awake instead of dropping off to sleep. I’m beginning to understand those vamp queens more and more.
A few hours ago this had all the makings of an uber melancholy post. I’m a touch homesick because I haven’t been home for months and I don’t think I have ever missed Easter at home. A dark mood was starting to grab hold of my brain. But a middle of the night conversation with a good friend seemed to melt the mood away and put a smile back on my face.
I found out Friday I finally got to the top of the waiting list for a spot in the nearby garage. That was awesome news. Hopefully sometime this week I can get home and spend some time than bring my car back with me. Maybe even my bike. Now that would be totally awesome too.
I new when I moved here that spring was going to be a big test for me. A test of how much I would miss the mountains and the open spaces. The flowers and trees, just walking bare foot in the grass. I’m going to miss a lot of things the question being how much. But with my car, and maybe my bike, I’ll survive. There are so many places too explore on Long Island and up north.
As always time will tell
tuneage, Cage The Elephant - Back Against The Wall
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Obsevations from the Window 4.3
Sitting in the window as the sun starts to rise just above the buildings behind me. The rays of light just begin to filter into the street below.
I watch the few rushing people in the street. Are they the last people of the night or the first of the morning? I have no idea. Heading to work? Heading home from a late night at the clubs or sneaking home from their lovers apartment? It really makes no difference I suppose. My wired brain starts to wonder about them, what kind of life they have, and what kind of problems. Are they happy or sad or do they just not care anymore? Ash tells me I need to stop worrying all the time and just live life but sometimes I think I was just born to worry.
Than it hits me that I have been almost 24 hours again with only token sleep. I did have a nap earlier today. Or was that yesterday? Do you think the brain can forget how to sleep? I’m beginning to wonder. Now I understand how the vampire queens do it, they just do it. After awhile your brain forgets it hasn’t slept and goes on as if it has.
At least I’m still smiling. I started the day off with a smile, which for personal reasons and to protect your virgin ears I won’t get into, but I’m still smiling now. Even the semi Cajun voodoo priest wannabe (complete with a fish bone in his hair, I asked) at the bar last night just made me laugh. 24 hours is a long time ....
‘We're off to never-never land’
tuneage, Metallica – Enter the Sandman
I watch the few rushing people in the street. Are they the last people of the night or the first of the morning? I have no idea. Heading to work? Heading home from a late night at the clubs or sneaking home from their lovers apartment? It really makes no difference I suppose. My wired brain starts to wonder about them, what kind of life they have, and what kind of problems. Are they happy or sad or do they just not care anymore? Ash tells me I need to stop worrying all the time and just live life but sometimes I think I was just born to worry.
Than it hits me that I have been almost 24 hours again with only token sleep. I did have a nap earlier today. Or was that yesterday? Do you think the brain can forget how to sleep? I’m beginning to wonder. Now I understand how the vampire queens do it, they just do it. After awhile your brain forgets it hasn’t slept and goes on as if it has.
At least I’m still smiling. I started the day off with a smile, which for personal reasons and to protect your virgin ears I won’t get into, but I’m still smiling now. Even the semi Cajun voodoo priest wannabe (complete with a fish bone in his hair, I asked) at the bar last night just made me laugh. 24 hours is a long time ....
‘We're off to never-never land’
tuneage, Metallica – Enter the Sandman
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Constance McMillen Update 4.1
This from the New york Times a couple of days ago, ok i missed it than ....
'JACKSON, Miss. (AP) -- An attorney says a lesbian student who sued a Mississippi school over its policy banning same-sex prom dates can bring her girlfriend to a privately sponsored dance.
Itawamba County school board attorney Michele Floyd said Tuesday that 18-year-old Constance McMillen can escort her girlfriend to the dance Friday at the Fulton Country Club.
The private prom replaces one the school district canceled rather than let McMillen wear a tuxedo and bring her girlfriend, who is also a student at Itawamba Agricultural High School.
A federal judge ruled last week that the district's actions violated McMillen's constitutional rights, but he didn't reinstate the school prom.
He said he would hold a trial on the matter later'.
That's so awesome and I am so happy for her! Plus she received a $30,000 scholarship from Ellen DeGeneres and the ACLU Let Constance Take Her Girlfriend to Prom! Facebook page has 423,000 fans and continues to grow.
But you know me. Why leave with just good news when i can find a dark cloud in the silver lining. Yesterday the Times asked students 'Should a Gay Teen Be Allowed to Take a Date to the Prom?' and invited comments from students 13 and older. One girl said it best 'Seriously? Why is this even being asked?'
But than there is this ....
'Gay and lesbian relationships are TOTALLY against God’s will. I’m sorry, but I very, strongly, disagree. I hate judging people, and it doesn;t mean their bad people, because I TOTALLY admire Ellen! But it’s gross, NOT TRYING TO OFFEND.'
At least she admires Ellen. Life goes on
tuneage
'JACKSON, Miss. (AP) -- An attorney says a lesbian student who sued a Mississippi school over its policy banning same-sex prom dates can bring her girlfriend to a privately sponsored dance.
Itawamba County school board attorney Michele Floyd said Tuesday that 18-year-old Constance McMillen can escort her girlfriend to the dance Friday at the Fulton Country Club.
The private prom replaces one the school district canceled rather than let McMillen wear a tuxedo and bring her girlfriend, who is also a student at Itawamba Agricultural High School.
A federal judge ruled last week that the district's actions violated McMillen's constitutional rights, but he didn't reinstate the school prom.
He said he would hold a trial on the matter later'.
That's so awesome and I am so happy for her! Plus she received a $30,000 scholarship from Ellen DeGeneres and the ACLU Let Constance Take Her Girlfriend to Prom! Facebook page has 423,000 fans and continues to grow.
But you know me. Why leave with just good news when i can find a dark cloud in the silver lining. Yesterday the Times asked students 'Should a Gay Teen Be Allowed to Take a Date to the Prom?' and invited comments from students 13 and older. One girl said it best 'Seriously? Why is this even being asked?'
But than there is this ....
'Gay and lesbian relationships are TOTALLY against God’s will. I’m sorry, but I very, strongly, disagree. I hate judging people, and it doesn;t mean their bad people, because I TOTALLY admire Ellen! But it’s gross, NOT TRYING TO OFFEND.'
At least she admires Ellen. Life goes on
tuneage
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Observations from the Window 3.31
Sometimes, a warm bath is just so much better than a hot shower. The vendor dude across the street waves to me but still has no sunscreen so I need to talk to him.
Did you know I have the best brother a gurl could ever ask for? And Corona without lime is like pancakes without syrup or sex without an orgasm.
Sometimes my iTunes will play songs so out there that I wonder if I was drunk, hi, or a combination of both when I downloaded them.
Sometimes I suddenly miss my mom for no apparent reason.
Did you know that in the 1950s the US government did LSD experiments on artists to observe the effects of the drug? Seriously, they gave artists drugs and told them to draw. I would have never thought of that one.
Did you know the Mona Lisa once hung in Napoleon's bedroom? And it is totally smaller than you think, only 2’6’’ by 1’9’’.
Sometimes I have the strangest dreams and some times I have unbelievably sexy ones. I’m not going to say which I prefer. Also I can be a total bitch or a little kitten. Guess which side of me people usually see?
Freddy Mercury died for our sins.
Such is the insanity of my mind.
tuneage, The Killers - Bones
Did you know I have the best brother a gurl could ever ask for? And Corona without lime is like pancakes without syrup or sex without an orgasm.
Sometimes my iTunes will play songs so out there that I wonder if I was drunk, hi, or a combination of both when I downloaded them.
Sometimes I suddenly miss my mom for no apparent reason.
Did you know that in the 1950s the US government did LSD experiments on artists to observe the effects of the drug? Seriously, they gave artists drugs and told them to draw. I would have never thought of that one.
Did you know the Mona Lisa once hung in Napoleon's bedroom? And it is totally smaller than you think, only 2’6’’ by 1’9’’.
Sometimes I have the strangest dreams and some times I have unbelievably sexy ones. I’m not going to say which I prefer. Also I can be a total bitch or a little kitten. Guess which side of me people usually see?
Freddy Mercury died for our sins.
Such is the insanity of my mind.
tuneage, The Killers - Bones
Monday, March 29, 2010
The Sarah Chonicles
No not my Sara or Sarah Connor, although I think I would have much more fun with her. I’m talking about that tea swilling presidential hopeful Sarah Palin. There she was the other day in Arizona playing first fiddle to John McCain’s second. Poor John, ‘the maverick’ just seems to have lost something. Actually there was a time I liked him or maybe respect is a better word. No more, but that doesn’t matter anymore. He just looked like an old fool clinging to his glory days. And there was Palin introducing him, decked out in a way too zippered leather jacket. Maybe she was trying to scare the audience into submission like the apparent dominatrix in chief.
The urban dictionary defines wingnut as ‘An outspoken, irrational person with deeply-held, nominally conservative, political views. A person who chooses on principle to be flagrantly ignorant.’
On her Facebook page Palin recently posted a map of congressional districts to target in the next election. It comes complete with gun cross hairs so you know your target. ‘Don’t retreat, RELOAD’ she tweeted her followers. Pretty disgusting behavior for any right wing nut or radio demagogue but unforgivable for the Republican Party’s most recent vice presidential nominee. I just have to wonder what she would say if one of her supporters took her literally. 'Oh for goodness sake, lighten up folks. You libs have no sense of humor.' Plausible deniability is a wonderful thing. Palin may always be considered a lightweight and a bad joke being played upon the America. But this joke is getting a lot less funny and a bit scary as she inches ever closer to the edge.
But that day in Arizona her greatest crime, one I will never forgive her for, was how I will never look at a black leather biker jacket the same way again.
For that I can never forgive her.
tuneage
The urban dictionary defines wingnut as ‘An outspoken, irrational person with deeply-held, nominally conservative, political views. A person who chooses on principle to be flagrantly ignorant.’
On her Facebook page Palin recently posted a map of congressional districts to target in the next election. It comes complete with gun cross hairs so you know your target. ‘Don’t retreat, RELOAD’ she tweeted her followers. Pretty disgusting behavior for any right wing nut or radio demagogue but unforgivable for the Republican Party’s most recent vice presidential nominee. I just have to wonder what she would say if one of her supporters took her literally. 'Oh for goodness sake, lighten up folks. You libs have no sense of humor.' Plausible deniability is a wonderful thing. Palin may always be considered a lightweight and a bad joke being played upon the America. But this joke is getting a lot less funny and a bit scary as she inches ever closer to the edge.
But that day in Arizona her greatest crime, one I will never forgive her for, was how I will never look at a black leather biker jacket the same way again.
For that I can never forgive her.
tuneage
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Changes
I checked my email yesterday and what did my eyes fall upon but an email from the last person on earth I ever expected to here from again. I won’t get into boring details but suffice to say and old friend who I had a bad falling out with, very bad. I never wanted to hear from her again and, to be honest, I never wanted to set eyes on her again.
I had to walk around the block a couple times to clear my head, and we are talking big blocks here. I got all kinds of advice on what to do and finally decided to ignore the letter. But I did feel a bit sad, thinking maybe she had changed and at the same time thinking I really don’t care if she did.
So what am I getting at here? I was eating dinner last night and Ash’s girlfriend pulled out her handy little netbook (I want !!) and showed me what I am going to share here. Its not a perfect fit to my situation yet it is in some ways and I just had to smile.
“….Maybe it is real! But I just don’t know that people can change—permanently or just temporarily, conveniently, in your presence. And even if someone has changed, it doesn’t mean they can shed their former self like a layer of skin and just slither away. That skin is your baggage, man. You must carry that shit. And in acknowledging all of your layers of skin, you become real.”
Failing to Keep it Real
Maybe she has changed and maybe not, but I’m not at the point in my life where I need or want to find out. Maybe I never will be.
tuneage
I had to walk around the block a couple times to clear my head, and we are talking big blocks here. I got all kinds of advice on what to do and finally decided to ignore the letter. But I did feel a bit sad, thinking maybe she had changed and at the same time thinking I really don’t care if she did.
So what am I getting at here? I was eating dinner last night and Ash’s girlfriend pulled out her handy little netbook (I want !!) and showed me what I am going to share here. Its not a perfect fit to my situation yet it is in some ways and I just had to smile.
“….Maybe it is real! But I just don’t know that people can change—permanently or just temporarily, conveniently, in your presence. And even if someone has changed, it doesn’t mean they can shed their former self like a layer of skin and just slither away. That skin is your baggage, man. You must carry that shit. And in acknowledging all of your layers of skin, you become real.”
Failing to Keep it Real
Maybe she has changed and maybe not, but I’m not at the point in my life where I need or want to find out. Maybe I never will be.
tuneage
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Some Personal Thoughts on Health Care
Let me start with cudos to Joe Biden. Yes this is a ‘big f&#$ing deal!
But I’ll give a raised middle finger to members of that other party and their strategy of hate and fear. And both middle fingers to their tard lapdog Limbaugh for having the audacity to compare President Obama to Adolf Hitler. As for Sara Palin, I don’t have enough middle fingers for you. Are you insane? To put out a hit list of democrats to target in the next election, complete with a map with crosshairs over the targeted districts. And this is a woman that wants to be president. Maybe you could be president of the Iditarod Trail Committee but than again they already know you too.
But enough, some personal thoughts ….
Neither my roommate nor her girlfriend has health insurance and it doesn’t seem to bother either one of them. Myself, well for personal reasons, I need to get some soon. I have been shopping around but I already have run into can't cover you for this and can't cover you for that responses. Or I get rate quotes that are just astronomical. It’s that boogieman called ‘preexisting conditions.’ So I am currently at the point where I throw up my hands and give up.
I never had to look for insurance before. I was either on my dad’s as a dependent student (something the new bill does away with in that children can remain on their parent’s policies until they turn 26. raised from the current 18. good for you bro!) or I had insurance at work. Maybe this reform will help maybe not. As with anything time will tell.
If it were up to me there would be no insurance companies involved at all. I know that isn’t an option but it just seems to me they shouldn’t be making massive profits while people go with out care. They along with litigators, malpractice lawyers, and the lobbyists are all, for the most part, after their dime and nothing else. Maybe if we leave the health care ‘industry’ to the health care providers it would work.
In all this I can't help but remember when my mom had cancer. They tried so many things and so many drugs but nothing seemed to work for any length of time. But there were some drugs they didn’t try. Deep down I know, and I knew than, that they wouldn’t make a difference. Karma. But I’ll never truly know.
The insurance company said that the drugs were too expensive and wouldn’t pay for them.
tuneage
But I’ll give a raised middle finger to members of that other party and their strategy of hate and fear. And both middle fingers to their tard lapdog Limbaugh for having the audacity to compare President Obama to Adolf Hitler. As for Sara Palin, I don’t have enough middle fingers for you. Are you insane? To put out a hit list of democrats to target in the next election, complete with a map with crosshairs over the targeted districts. And this is a woman that wants to be president. Maybe you could be president of the Iditarod Trail Committee but than again they already know you too.
But enough, some personal thoughts ….
Neither my roommate nor her girlfriend has health insurance and it doesn’t seem to bother either one of them. Myself, well for personal reasons, I need to get some soon. I have been shopping around but I already have run into can't cover you for this and can't cover you for that responses. Or I get rate quotes that are just astronomical. It’s that boogieman called ‘preexisting conditions.’ So I am currently at the point where I throw up my hands and give up.
I never had to look for insurance before. I was either on my dad’s as a dependent student (something the new bill does away with in that children can remain on their parent’s policies until they turn 26. raised from the current 18. good for you bro!) or I had insurance at work. Maybe this reform will help maybe not. As with anything time will tell.
If it were up to me there would be no insurance companies involved at all. I know that isn’t an option but it just seems to me they shouldn’t be making massive profits while people go with out care. They along with litigators, malpractice lawyers, and the lobbyists are all, for the most part, after their dime and nothing else. Maybe if we leave the health care ‘industry’ to the health care providers it would work.
In all this I can't help but remember when my mom had cancer. They tried so many things and so many drugs but nothing seemed to work for any length of time. But there were some drugs they didn’t try. Deep down I know, and I knew than, that they wouldn’t make a difference. Karma. But I’ll never truly know.
The insurance company said that the drugs were too expensive and wouldn’t pay for them.
tuneage
Monday, March 22, 2010
Observations from the Window
'So we follow our wandering paths, and the very darkness acts as our guide and our doubts serve to reassure us'
Jean Pierre de Caussade
A grey foggy day in the city, it seems everybody just waiting for the rain to fall. The mood on the street so different from what it was these past few days. So much for the long awaited return of spring, even the umbrella vendor dude is in hiding today. Of all things I have jazz playing, it seems to fit with my mood and the coming rain. Plus it is Jazz Fest time back at home and I always enjoyed working those weeks.
I always seem to call my dad’s home. Sometimes I’m not so sure where my home is now. State College got to the point it felt like home, or at least an extension of it. I don’t get that feeling in the Village, not yet anyway. It has the feel of an extended working vacation. As if I was at the beach house and bartending at Fred’s while I was there. Now the beach house is a place I could call home but somehow I don’t think the owner has that in mind.
I guess I just don’t feel attached to any one place at the moment. I feel like I’m floating above it all, just watching my own life unfold and waiting to see how it turns out. It’s not the first time I have felt this way and I have no idea what it means to feel this way. Really I don’t want to know because it can’t be good.
tuneage
Jean Pierre de Caussade
A grey foggy day in the city, it seems everybody just waiting for the rain to fall. The mood on the street so different from what it was these past few days. So much for the long awaited return of spring, even the umbrella vendor dude is in hiding today. Of all things I have jazz playing, it seems to fit with my mood and the coming rain. Plus it is Jazz Fest time back at home and I always enjoyed working those weeks.
I always seem to call my dad’s home. Sometimes I’m not so sure where my home is now. State College got to the point it felt like home, or at least an extension of it. I don’t get that feeling in the Village, not yet anyway. It has the feel of an extended working vacation. As if I was at the beach house and bartending at Fred’s while I was there. Now the beach house is a place I could call home but somehow I don’t think the owner has that in mind.
I guess I just don’t feel attached to any one place at the moment. I feel like I’m floating above it all, just watching my own life unfold and waiting to see how it turns out. It’s not the first time I have felt this way and I have no idea what it means to feel this way. Really I don’t want to know because it can’t be good.
tuneage
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