Monday, March 1, 2010

Observations from the Window

"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool."
William Shakespeare

For the first time since I moved to the Village I’m torn. I look out my window and can’t see. I don’t see the street or the people, the cars and buses. All I see is what I thought I wanted my life to be. But somehow things always seem to go wrong.

Wrapped in a blanket, the window is cold. The world outside just seems a raw gloomy place this morning. The street dirty, trash blowing, the people rushed. The gloomy underside of the city showing itself. Everybody seems rushed but to what end? Just to get there? But what than? Why?

I made a decision I felt I had to make. Maybe as drastic a decision as the one I made to move here in the first place. But it changed everything, and nothing. I hurt the last person I ever would want to. I still don’t know anything.

I moved here because I had to. I had to know. But two months in I don’t think I know any more than I did. I’m not even sure what it is I needed to know. I miss the mountains so much and now I miss even more. And now I have to wonder if I can ever go back. I would be sitting in the mountains looking at the sky and not seeing it. Writing this very same thing from a different place and missing the city.

I belong here yet I don’t. Sometimes I wonder if I belong anywhere.