Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Observations on Amerika 11.13

Not long after President Obama's reelection the spirit of Jefferson Davis infected some people and they have filed petitions to secede from the union on the White House website. Now you can argue the merits of just letting Texas secede and be done with them but I have this fear of it becoming a narco-terrorist haven. A small country filled with religious zealots, a wacko leader in Rick Perry, and flooded with guns. What could possibly go wrong? Maybe we should just call it Texistan.

But this is the United States of America and if we can't have fun with secession who can? This is an official petition filed yesterday with the White House. I think it is courtesy of our friends at The Daily Kos but I'm not sure, maybe just its rogue editor David Waldman. It only has 25 signatures so far so please do your part to help this fledgling country.

Peacefully grant the State of Herp-a-Derp to withdraw from the United States of America & create its own NEW government
As the founding fathers of the United States of America made clear in the Declaration of Independence in 1776:

"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one neighbor to secretly let his dog crap on the lawn of another, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation." Therefore, herp-a-derp-derp, but please keep sending my Social Security check. I earned that, yo.

Created: Nov 12, 2012
TO REACH GOAL OF 25,000: 24,975

11/14 update - Due to the seriousness of the secessionist cause I wanted to update this with some links. The first is a self-proclaimed epic rant by David Badash at The New Civil Rights Movement. Read his article and you will learn that wingnuts in 42 of the 50 states have started petitions to secede, "The Only States That Don’t Want To Secede Are The Ones With Gay Marriage."

On The Huffington Post I found something that's too funny. It seems somebody in Texas started a petition to have the city of Austin secede from Texas and remain part of the union. So far that petition has over 4,000 votes. But also in this article you will see that the Hardin County Republican Party Treasurer, Peter Morrison, called Obama backers maggots. That should give you a pretty good idea what kind of people these are.

From The New Republic comes the best of all, "Go Ahead and Secede, Texas. I Dare You," and the one you need to read if you read any of them. If you do read it you have to read it all from beginning to end. It gets a bit serious in the middle and you'll start to think that maybe Texas would be better off but the finish is totally awesome. I don't want to ruin it but I will finish with the final line from that column ....

"Don’t mess with us, Texas. You just might get what you want."

11/16 update - Sorry for this bit of sad news but the petition for the State of Herp-a-Derp to secede from the union was removed from the White House website because it violates the site's terms of service and is in fact fictional. Really? I never would have guessed. At this writing petitions to deport anybody who signs a petition to secede remain on the site. Probably just wishful thinking on everybody's part.