Monday, January 24, 2011

Observations from the Window 1.24

By all accounts I seem to have survived another attack of the mood. It was a good idea to run home for a couple days because it did seem to clear my head for now. For two days I did nothing but eat good steak, watch sports, and talk with the family about our roads ahead. We also managed to consume a case or so of my dad’s beer in the process but we aren’t telling.

One fun moment was seeing my brother's Penn State diplomas which had just arrived via the USPS. They left them out on the front porch in the melting snow, after four years and a small fortune spent, they left them sit in the fucking snow. Sorry maybe the mood isn’t totally passed yet. Anyway the kid now has more papers than I do as he got a diploma for each of his minors too. So as of this writing he is ahead three pieces of paper to my two, online Academy of Art here I come.

So why the mood? It's been some time since I fell into one and I'm not totally sure why. Over the years I have tried to figure out their cause but I have never had much success and neither has anyone else. I’ve been told part of the reason is that I'm an emotional person but I keep those emotions bottled up so eventually they need a release. I do partly accept that because I can see that release when I paint, almost as if those emotions flow through my fingers and the brushes onto the canvas. Than again maybe I am just insane and nobody has figured that out yet.

It's at times like this that my mountains always worked their primo magic and it's when I now miss them the most. But I have to wonder if it's just one of those things I look back at longingly knowing I can never completely go back. It seems as if the past can taunt you like that, teasing you with its perfection yet never giving it back. With my brother gone the last links in the chain are broken yet I still find myself drawn to those mountains.

So maybe the answer to the unasked question is that I'm not the mountain painter nor am I the city photographer. Maybe the answer is a combination I have yet to find.

Maybe I have to find it ....

Avril Lavigne - What The Hell