Monday, October 4, 2010

Observations from the Library 10.4

After my last post about the recent teen suicides (l) I started to write about when I was the dark arrogant jock artsie teen but I didn’t get it finished before I made a rushed trip home to my dad’s over the weekend. It was a planned rush so nothing bad there just that I drove home Saturday morning and back to the Village Sunday morning. I drove home to surprise my sis at her homecoming field hockey game. My brother had done the same the night before and the plan was for both of us to get there at the same time but it wasn’t meant to be. I decided to put my teen post on hold so I could write a little about my family.

My one time little sister will be 18 soon and ‘the Kid’ will be graduating from Penn State in December so odds are we will end up farther apart than we are now. I don’t see either of them nearly as much as I would like to, I’m just used to one or the other always being there and that hasn’t been the case since I moved up here. And than there is my dad, the quiet one, but the one I talk to every day about something or about nothing at all.

I learned a long time ago that my family is more important to me than anything else. As bad as things got in my life at times I never doubted my mom and dad would be there for me. They never once disappointed, not ever. My mom was gone before the worst of it but I knew exactly what she would have done. The same thing she did on many other occasions. Hug me with one arm, hand me a cup of coffee with the other, and than sit down and talk. She always seemed to have the perfect words to calm my overheating brain. My dad has been there though it all and now somehow seems to channel my mom because he seems to always say the right thing now. He has either gotten highly profound or I just started listening to him more. I'm not sure which it is but it works either way. On the other hand I can probably guess what he would say, I started listening.

And than there are the other two, the ones who just the thought of can bring a smile to my face. In a weird way they drive me to do better because I always want them to be proud of their illustrious older sister. Now I don’t know if they are always proud of her but, damnit, they will not forget her. It always seemed like my brother was pulling me up when I was down and than my sis would push me forward. And now my sis is my equal in so many ways. I say I want them to be proud of me but in the end it is I who couldn’t be more proud of the two of them.

I don’t know why I felt like writing this. It isn’t anything I haven’t written before here or there in this thing I call my blog, I just felt like saying it again. Partly as a reaction to those suicides I wrote about and partly because the four of us spent that all too rare day together over the weekend.

And how was the weekend? It was rather nice other than the fact my sis almost got kicked out of her game before it even started because she was arguing with the refs. I don’t know where she gets that cocky arrogant attitude from.

Apocalyptica ft.Gavin Rossdale - End Of Me