Sunday, February 20, 2011

Observattions from the Window 2.20

Sometimes I get these massive headaches that feel like a vice is squeezing my head together from ear to ear. I have been told they aren't technically migraines but I have never been told what they in fact are. I don’t know what causes them, nobody seems to have any idea what causes them. A couple years ago I went through a whole array of tests just to see the doctor shrug as if to say karma.

I had one of them yesterday, the first I have had in a long time. Actually I think it was the first I had since I moved to the Village. There is nothing like spending 24 hours in bed, clawing at the pillows, chewing on Treximet, and praying it puts you back to sleep so you can forget the pain. Now the funny thing with Treximet is that one of the possible side effects is a rebound headache. I do not lie, a rebound headache, what the hell is the point?

The best explanation I was ever given was that it is totally stress related. Basically my brain isn't wired right to handle stress so it takes it to a point and than it overheats. My theory is that fluid intake should cool it down but I suppose alcohol isn't the right fluid to be taking in. It seems to work to a point and than it doesn't.

Anyway I had this idea to write down what i was thinking, that is if I was thinking anything other than just kill me now. I must admit that was the most prevalent thought I had. I guess my grand experiment was a failure because other than the kill me now thought it was mostly black without the white. A dark deep depression with no light anywhere, no escape, nowhere to hide. Seems almost like what I call the mood but with added pain. What a piece of work I am.


Five Finger Death Punch - Bad Company