Not long after President Obama's reelection the spirit of Jefferson Davis infected some people and they have filed petitions to secede from the union on the White House website. Now you can argue the merits of just letting Texas secede and be done with them but I have this fear of it becoming a narco-terrorist haven. A small country filled with religious zealots, a wacko leader in Rick Perry, and flooded with guns. What could possibly go wrong? Maybe we should just call it Texistan.
But this is the United States of America and if we can't have fun with secession who can? This is an official petition filed yesterday with the White House. I think it is courtesy of our friends at The Daily Kos but I'm not sure, maybe just its rogue editor David Waldman. It only has 25 signatures so far so please do your part to help this fledgling country.
WE PETITION THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO:
Peacefully grant the State of Herp-a-Derp to withdraw from the United States of America & create its own NEW government
As the founding fathers of the United States of America made clear in the Declaration of Independence in 1776:
"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one neighbor to secretly let his dog crap on the lawn of another, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation." Therefore, herp-a-derp-derp, but please keep sending my Social Security check. I earned that, yo.
Created: Nov 12, 2012
SIGNATURES NEEDED BY DECEMBER 12, 2012
TO REACH GOAL OF 25,000: 24,975
But this is the United States of America and if we can't have fun with secession who can? This is an official petition filed yesterday with the White House. I think it is courtesy of our friends at The Daily Kos but I'm not sure, maybe just its rogue editor David Waldman. It only has 25 signatures so far so please do your part to help this fledgling country.
WE PETITION THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO:
Peacefully grant the State of Herp-a-Derp to withdraw from the United States of America & create its own NEW government
As the founding fathers of the United States of America made clear in the Declaration of Independence in 1776:
"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one neighbor to secretly let his dog crap on the lawn of another, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation." Therefore, herp-a-derp-derp, but please keep sending my Social Security check. I earned that, yo.
Created: Nov 12, 2012
SIGNATURES NEEDED BY DECEMBER 12, 2012
TO REACH GOAL OF 25,000: 24,975
11/14 update - Due to the seriousness of the secessionist cause I wanted to update this with some links. The first is a self-proclaimed epic rant by David Badash at The New Civil Rights Movement. Read his article and you will learn that wingnuts in 42 of the 50 states have started petitions to secede, "The Only States That Don’t Want To Secede Are The Ones With Gay Marriage."
On The Huffington Post I found something that's too funny. It seems somebody in Texas started a petition to have the city of Austin secede from Texas and remain part of the union. So far that petition has over 4,000 votes. But also in this article you will see that the Hardin County Republican Party Treasurer, Peter Morrison, called Obama backers maggots. That should give you a pretty good idea what kind of people these are.
From The New Republic comes the best of all, "Go Ahead and Secede, Texas. I Dare You," and the one you need to read if you read any of them. If you do read it you have to read it all from beginning to end. It gets a bit serious in the middle and you'll start to think that maybe Texas would be better off but the finish is totally awesome. I don't want to ruin it but I will finish with the final line from that column ....
"Don’t mess with us, Texas. You just might get what you want."
11/16 update - Sorry for this bit of sad news but the petition for the State of Herp-a-Derp to secede from the union was removed from the White House website because it violates the site's terms of service and is in fact fictional. Really? I never would have guessed. At this writing petitions to deport anybody who signs a petition to secede remain on the site. Probably just wishful thinking on everybody's part.
Kaycee, thank your for your assistance toward Texas Secession, perhaps you can sign the Texas Secession petition multiple times with a different email accounts much like you/Democrats did in battleground states during the last election! This will go a long way to helping us achieve our goal.
ReplyDeleteWe appreciate your help; however, we realize that Obamanation(Former USA) will not let us go peacefully because there is simply too much tax revenue to be siphoned from TX, one of the largest Economies in the world.
Your perception that Texas is "becoming a narco-terrorist haven. A small country filled with religious zealots" is laughable. But you need to be aware that Texas is filled with highly educated scientists and engineers, like myself, that produce the worlds most advanced technologies(NASA). So your divisive comments really help our cause.
Thanks for your support.
Duly noted ....
DeleteWhen I was spluttering on twitter, I so hoped you would post on this topic! Alright, here's what bothers me with the whole petitioning for secession. The states' actual right to secede is not a definite thing. But on top of that, is it actually feasible? Texas gets quite a bit of federal money every year - their "balanced budget" is helped out by several federal grants. Their border with Mexico is protected by US forces, their social security, medicare, welfare, FEMA, Coast Guard, DMV, NASA (federal entity), and Postal System would all be shut down and cut off from them. Access to our military in times of need would be gone. The veterans who receive healthcare and benefits would be cut off from that. All the produce they receive from the other states would have to be "imported" and highly taxed, driving their cost of living higher.
ReplyDeleteAnd then what happens? Let's say, optimistically, that they do not fall apart into complete gun wielding chaos. If they fail to protect their people from racism and hate crimes, do we do anything to get those people to safety? Do we give amnesty to those wishing to flee? Is it amnesty because they were technically American Citizens in the first place? Do we shut down trade with them? Do we close down all borders with Texas and require passports like we do with Canada and Mexico? Do we create a “Texas Ambassador?” I mean, it all kind of makes my brain melt.
As for the other states- Missouri has been more than broke for ten years, Louisiana constantly needs federal help, and the amount of people on welfare in the petitioning states is insanely high. Except for Oregon which, like Texas, has a pretty stable budget, but I was really surprised to see Oregon had a petition in the first place.
I think I forgot how to breathe a couple lines in. Sorry for ranting. I think this is crazy.
Holy crap don't think so hard! Actually you should have just posted that on your blog, it's pretty good.
DeleteMeh, just a few thousand wingnuts having a good ole time and forgetting the U.S. has nukes and they don't. Last I saw the main petition had 80,000 signatures which means according to its rules the White House has to respond. Now that should be something fun to see, I think they should just answer with two words which you can prob guess. I have to post an update because I just saw somebody filed a petition for the city of Austin to "withdraw from the state of Texas and to remain part of the United States." What's all too funny about Louisiana is their governor wants to run for president in 2016.
Poor little herp-a-derp only has 40 signatures so far.
Only in America ....
Sorry! Thanks, but if I posted it on my blog it wouldn't be a discussion, it would just be me talking. I like you're input because you're smart and fairly sane (from what I can tell). I think the White House has to give a serious response, though. With facts, historical documents, paperwork and other government-type things.
DeleteYou just need to read the last of the three links I just posted. Like I said read it from beginning to end. It's classic.
DeleteDon't take it all too seriously, there are 25 million people in Texas and it has 80,000 signatures. I be willing to bet most of those don't live in Texas to start with.