If you know anything about music you probably know by now that Amy Winehouse was found dead today at age 27, a death in all probability related to drugs or alcohol. Whether I know the person or not I always have a rather melancholy reaction to news of this sort which wasn’t helped today by being surrounded by artist types that wanted to talk of nothing else. When I write a blog post I give it all kinds of tags some of which show in the sidebar and some that don’t. I remembered a ‘gotta meet amy’ tag with only one lonely post linked to it and I couldn’t quite remember what it was. What I found was one of my very first posts with every word as true today as when I wrote it, only now the ending isn’t possible. For my own reasons I thought I would re-post it and it follows below. I heard all kinds of shitty comments today but I did see one on twitter that best said how I felt, maybe her tortured soul has finally found peace.
"I was an addict. I *am* an addict. It’s a very hard thing to say but its true. It's something that, once you have been there, you never totally leave it behind. I have an addictive personality. It has taken many forms in my life from cigarettes to Ben & Jerries Cherry Garcia to, at times, sl. But its also left me with demons Ill forever struggle with. I left myself in a pit so black I never thought I would be able to climb out. I’ve spent a month in rehab and almost wrecked a car. The police found me sitting on the hood of my car in a ditch. I think I waved. I burned through a years worth of tuition money in a month. So in other words I’ve been to hell and I know what it looks like.
The memory becomes the backdrop that you forever look at your life against. Little things that bother other people I shrug off as nothing. Than I’ll blow up over something trivial because it sets off something in the deepest darkest part of my brain. Some people think I’m down right crazy.
I tend to use the word ‘karma’ now.
I’m thinking Amy and I have a lot to talk about …."
Amy Winehouse - Rehab