Monday, June 14, 2010

The View From The Roof

The view from the roof is so different from that of the street, or the window for that matter, that one has to wonder if it is of the same world. Just a few flights above the window seat is a place to utterly lose one’s self. The street and its sounds are lost in the canyons below. On the roof the city itself swirls around you in all its myriad scents.

At dawn the sky is a bright pastel with cool crisp air blowing up from the water. Sunset brings more muted hues and thick calm air as the sun falls into Jersey. The beer tastes good at either time.

When you sit on the roof and ponder life you begin to understand one thing. This really may be the center of the universe.


Observations from the Window 6.14

Ever since my ‘lost summer’, and quite possibly long before that, I have had this deep seated fear of failure. It was reinforced a few years later by a failed relationship, OK poisoned relationship. Psychologically I have been told it’s called atychiphobia, which is defined as ‘defined as a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of failure. Atychiphobes may subconsciously undermine or sabotage their own efforts to prevent having to continue to try, and therefore preventing any potential failure.’ Hmm sounds familiar.

A fear that people won’t like my paintings, my work, my photos, and for that matter they not like me either. I cover it all up with my cocky, some might say arrogant, personality. Now the arrogance has been a part of my personality as long as I can remember, seriously I was prob a cocky baby, it’s the fear that is a more recent addition. Sometimes to the point that it’s almost a fear of the fear. Jesus I wonder if there is a name for that. I know, I’m just totally insane sometimes.

Saturday afternoon something happened that might finally begin to change that. A watershed moment? Somehow I doubt I would go that far. But for the very first time I sold two of my paintings. Seriously some loon gave me cold hard cash for two of my paintings, two that I had painted a few years ago. Neither was one of what I like to call ‘the big three’, one of which is in the right sideboard, those I don’t think I could ever part with.

But anyway I guess I’m not exactly Vinnie van Gogh yet, hell I might be a little crazy but I ain’t dead, but still it’s a start.

So at the moment life is pretty damn good.

tuneage, Audioslave - I Am The Highway