Observations from the Window 9.20

I always carry a real paper tablet in my backpack because I like to scribble, doodle, and sometimes just plain scratch. I also have a terrible short term memory so I write myself notes telling what I should but won't do. Somebody actually asked me today why I always have one, well it's to save these momentous thoughts. I did do a little editing and added some explanation so they make some sort of sense.

I love waking up and seeing Mika Brzezinski on my TV but lately Joe Scarborough has been pissing me off so I tend to turn the sound off until somebody is on I want to hear. She used to have competition over at CNN but I forget her name but there still is Stephanie Abrams on The Weather Channel.

Best tumblr titles I saw today, "Love Ends Hope Dies" and "Shit You Need To Know." In saying 'today' I'm saying I look at too damn many tumblrs. I wonder what happens when somebody reblogs a photo I already deleted? I wonder because that happened today. And why do so many tumblr blogs disappear the day after I find them? I'm getting a complex.

Sanity is relative but insanity, well, the jury is out on that.

Blog ideas.

List of food I should buy tonight but won't. I never seem to have food in the apartment, coffee and alcohol but no food. What's up with that? I drink way too much coffee, DP, and beer and nowhere near enough of that watery thing.

I sketch my own tat designs that I want to get and know I never will because I have a thing for needles, which also means I can't sew or knit worth a damn. Not that I ever really wanted to do either. I have absolutely no fingernails left, where have you gone my long black shiny nails? I miss you.

Mary is just hot, straight as the proverbial arrow but so effing hot.*scribbles this line out quick before anybody sees it.

Notes to call my sis, dad, Ash, and the paint free sample salesman guy sometime today. New paints are sweet but the dark shades seem a bit dull. I have to so get around to finishing a couple of art posts I was doing for somebody. Call Karson and see if she had enough shots, she would prob call me but it doesn't hurt to follow up. Talk to Ash at dinner about her internet art idea.

The whole Troy Davis thing make s me want to hurl. Seriously a former FBI Director, and President Reagan's no less, pleads for his release and the good ole boys of Georgia shrug and get out the needle. Pathetic.

Why do the Phillies just suck all of a sudden? Yeah I know the games don't matter at all but still. Wouldn't it be awesome to have Charlie Manuel as a granddad?

Chinese, Mexican, or burgers?

And this goes on every day.

Moby - New York New York

Observations from the Window 2.25

Have you ever sat in front of your computer with four tabs open in Firefox or Chrome (two emails, facebook, and either news or blog feeds), one or two Gchats going orange, Photoshop open to work on photos, and, in my case, TweetDeck open on a netbook? Lost data slips by as you stare at that one orange Gchat wondering why it went quiet, wondering if you said something wrong. I have. In fact I am as I add Word on my laptop to the list so I can write this. I’m not even going to think about where Tumblr, Plurk, and my cell phone fit into this.

Insanity rules.

Tab, tab, tweet, tab, tweet. The Middle East erupts, the Middle West protests, Gadaffi blames the Easter Bunny, and I stare endlessly at that orange dot. I reread the last few lines of the chat knowing I didn’t say anything wrong but still wondering if I did. Why do I always have to be such a smart ass? Did she take something the wrong way? Should I explain what I meant or just let it go?

Total freaking netsanity.

Streaming YouTube, iTunes, half written unfinished than forgotten comments. Endless bits of information careening in front of my eyes as my brain begins to spin totally out of control.

And than the dot goes grey.

The Pretty Reckless - Just Tonight

Observattions from the Window 2.20

Sometimes I get these massive headaches that feel like a vice is squeezing my head together from ear to ear. I have been told they aren't technically migraines but I have never been told what they in fact are. I don’t know what causes them, nobody seems to have any idea what causes them. A couple years ago I went through a whole array of tests just to see the doctor shrug as if to say karma.

I had one of them yesterday, the first I have had in a long time. Actually I think it was the first I had since I moved to the Village. There is nothing like spending 24 hours in bed, clawing at the pillows, chewing on Treximet, and praying it puts you back to sleep so you can forget the pain. Now the funny thing with Treximet is that one of the possible side effects is a rebound headache. I do not lie, a rebound headache, what the hell is the point?

The best explanation I was ever given was that it is totally stress related. Basically my brain isn't wired right to handle stress so it takes it to a point and than it overheats. My theory is that fluid intake should cool it down but I suppose alcohol isn't the right fluid to be taking in. It seems to work to a point and than it doesn't.

Anyway I had this idea to write down what i was thinking, that is if I was thinking anything other than just kill me now. I must admit that was the most prevalent thought I had. I guess my grand experiment was a failure because other than the kill me now thought it was mostly black without the white. A dark deep depression with no light anywhere, no escape, nowhere to hide. Seems almost like what I call the mood but with added pain. What a piece of work I am.

Karma

Five Finger Death Punch - Bad Company

Observations from the Window 1.20

I have been quiet here lately but not for lack of trying. Seems I have slipped into one of my moods and the more I tried to write my way out of it the more depressing the read became. Just one of those moods I get in where I'm not happy with anything at all, I just hate everything equally. I might have a reason or I might not; it doesn't seem to matter at times like this. With know obvious cause for the melancholy feeling everything becomes the cause and the mood becomes a demon that feeds on itself. I just feel mentally and emotionally drained, tortured, dejected, gloomy .... emo.

One time my mom gave me a carton of eggs and told me to throw them in the kitchen sink to blow off steam. I don’t remember if it helped but I do remember it being fun as hell so I gave that a try yesterday. Made one hell of a mess for me to clean is what it did. Next up I might try slinging paint at canvas while trying not to hit the walls, or maybe sling paint at the walls themselves. Either way it could get interesting.

At times like this my girls always seem to know what's best for me. Last night one suggested I soak in the tub with tunes and a drink. I won’t pass on what else she suggested but it all seemed to help me unwind and get to sleep. Than today the VQ told me to just stay home and do something to relax, like I know how to do something like that. But some wandering the Village, doing some photos, and another soak in the tub have done wonders for my attitude. Ash also came up with the idea of making a run home to recharge which I might just do. I'm not about to risk taking Foxy out in this crappy weather again but I just might look bitchy enough to get a pair of seats to myself. I just have to remember to skip the hells this trip.

And so life goes on.

Bob Dylan - Not Dark Yet

Disclaimer - I should admit I lied up above because I don't hate everything equally. Even in my mood I hate that jackass Glenn Beck more.

Thirty Days of Truths, Day 30

Tell yourself everything you love about yourself ....

Thirty days and this is all it comes down to? No shattering cosmic event to portend events in my future? This sucks! I love way I use the English language, that's what I love about myself. But seriously, everything I like about myself. Well some I have said before and some I haven't but here it is. Day 30 ....

I love my eyes because sometimes they are so dark they look black. And no I don’t wear colored contacts either so don't ask. They always looked so awesome on Goth Friday. I love being tall, I always have, and I like my body too. That's a good thing because with my metabolism it isn't going to change any time soon, besides I know it well. As much as I have a love/hate relationship with it I honestly do like my hair. I never have had short hair and have never really wanted it short, sorry to disappoint some. I love the way it looks wet and I love the way it looks straight but half the time it is neither, it's just a mess. I have a name for that look but I'll keep it to myself.

I love the way my mind works, the way I think and see the world around me. Actually there was a time I thought I was a bit insane until I was told I have four photopigments instead of the normal three, basically the opposite of color blindness. Who knew? As much as I know it can turn people off fast I love my arrogant personality. I also know it's just a cover but I like the softer side it is covering too. I care about things without really trying to, I just do.

But what I love the most about myself is the fact that I can create, I can show what I see. It's something I never like to talk about but I know I have a talent. I love to be able to see something in my mind and be able to share it. Whether sketching it, painting it, or just shooting it. It really doesn't matter to me, I just like to share. I like to be able to take my world and, however briefly, make it your world too. It's a good thing I can because along the way I have killed so many brain cells that, well, Walmart might have been the only other option.

It sounds a bit vain but I suppose what I love about myself is myself. When I look in the mirror I have few regrets. I'm just perfectly happy how I have turned out so far, except those days when I'm not ....

I’m just an enigma.

So there you have it, thirty ‘truths’ in a little over thirty days. I said I would finish it before Christmas and I do believe I have.
Merry Christmas everybody!

U2 - I Believe In Father Christmas

Observations from the Window 7.27

It was a beautiful night on the roof last night. A full moon, in a clear sky,blazing above the city with just a few wisps of clouds glowing beneath it. It seems like weeks since the sky has been without haze, the air cool and not humid at all. It was simply a stunning night and is just as gorgeous morning.

That being said, and with all due respect to Keith Olbermann, for the first time I’m going to play my own version of oddball. I start with MTV’s show “Jersey Shore” which starts it’s second season run Thursday night in, of all places, Miami. Shouldn’t it now be called Florida Shore or Miami Beach? I don’t get it at all. I also don’t get the Chamber of Commerce of Seaside Heights, NJ who didn’t want them back saying it was bad for the city’s image. I saw somebody say, I’m sorry I don’t remember who, that you can’t drop a house full of New Yorkers in a Jersey beach house and think that is the Jersey shore. Now there are few places I know better than the Jersey shore and in some spots that is exactly what it is. Especially north of Atlantic City which is exactly where Seaside Heights is.

A weird bit of trivia for you here. As Rehoboth is to DCers and gays Wildwood is to French Canadians. Don’t ask me why I think you should know that, I just think you should.

Next up is Tony Hayward, yes the BP CEO Tony Hayward. Seems the man got the ax at BP. You know he did want his life back after all, little did he know he was going to get it back in Siberia of all places. They fucking sent him to Siberia! You just have to love the poetic justice of it all. But how is he going to race his yacht on the frozen tundra or, for that matter, spend his pension? The pension is reportedly worth just short of a million dollars a year. That just makes me gag on my morning coffee. Rule over one of the greatest environmental disasters in history and you get off with a million a year. Pathetic.

Did you know BP has yet to pay a dime into that 20 billion dollar escrow account? They are still negotiating they say. Maybe if some of those Republican congressmen and, sadly, women had kept their oil coated mouths shut it would have been long paid. Meanwhile the unemployed in the gulf get by making a pittance cleaning the beaches.

I give you myself as the final oddball. I was reading some of what I guess you could call the ‘Afghan papers’ in the Times today. I had the totally not like me thought that maybe a Republican needs to win the next presidential election in 2012. Like Nixon going to China, you get a lot of history in art history, maybe only a Republican could just pull out of Afghanistan without getting the ‘cut and run’ label thrown at them. I think that’s all that works at this point. After all the money wasted and all the lives spent it’s time to just declare victory and come home. It’s time to end the longest war in American history any fucking way possible. I just hope we start pulling out next year as planned because I don’t want to have to come to grips with that Republican thought I had. It just scares the hell out of me.

My final thought is we send Tony Hayward and Snookie to Afghanistan on a good will tour. If that doesn’t end the war nothing i know of will.

As always life goes on.

Hollywood Undead - Young