Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Observations from the Window, the Bar

I worked off and on as a bartender/hostess at a club near my dad’s before I moved back to State College. I really enjoyed that but it in no way prepared me for bar-tending at a bar just blocks from the NYU campus. There is a big difference between a small Pennsylvania city and the Village and NYU with its 50,000 students. That’s 6000 more than Penn State and dropped smack in the middle of New York City. It’s as real as it gets but surreal at the same time.

I guess technically I’m not even a bartender. Officially I’m a bartender’s assistant. Only in New York do bartenders have assistants! All that this means is I can take your order, take your money, and pray you get your drink. Oh and I can tap you a beer too. If it’s one of over a hundred varieties of draft and bottled beer we have. But I need a map to get through the taps.

I also did security for a club in SL for most of last year. I enjoyed that too, the feeling of power as I ejected people. Sometimes I would do it on a whim or because I was in a bad mood and they the audacity to say the wrong thing.

What’s funny is the SL job may have prepared me more, at least for part of the new job. The feeling of sheer power is at times awesome. With a wink and a tilt of my head an
ex-offensive lineman from Syracuse, all six foot six inch and three hundred pounds of him, will not so gently escort you from the building. Talk about power corrupting!

But if you play by my rules I’ll be kind and just pour your drinks. Unlike Fight Club I don’t have many rules, but I have a few. I think the list will grow over time.

Rule #1 – Do not, DO NOT, touch the bartender, or their assistant for that matter.
Rule #2 – Please do not order with your mouth full of food. Its gross and I can’t hear a thing you just said.
Rule #3 – No matter how pissed you are do not call me a dyke. Even if am one. My friends may call me that, I may call myself that, however you may not.
Rule #4 – Do not explain the use of your ‘manhood’. Quite honestly I couldn’t care less what you do with it. See rule #3.

All these rules came into play during my first two nights at the bar. I’m going to have to buy my lineman dinner soon.

Stay tuned.



  1. /me spits her drink - omg - sounds like you are having fun already power-hungry-dyke!

  2. power-hungry-dyke ?? i like it ;-)