Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Thirty Days of Truths, Day 29

Something I hope to change about myself. And why ....

Can I use location on this one? Why? Because Paris seems to be calling me. Damnit I’ll just think of something else. I knew that was too easy an answer.

I don't think it's ever going to be possible but if I could change anything I would tame that slight flaw in my personality that makes me so damn emo sometimes. A friend recently said I have a 'dark, lonerish, superior, arrogant bitch' attitude and I like that. It's a cover I have worked long and hard at over the years and I believe I may have finally perfected it. But still it seems to fail me at times.

The problem is the fact that under that veneer is a soul that can suddenly be torn with emotion. I'll usually mange to keep it safely hidden away and under control only to have it explode out of nowhere. There are times I don’t even know why it happens but still it does. It can last hours or it can last days than it will suddenly fade away as fast as it appeared. My mom once called it 'the mood' and it's a name that has stuck ever since.

Granted I love to paint when I'm in one of those moods. It's as if I can see the colors swirling around my head and can smell even feel the paint as I put on canvas. At moments like that every creative nerve in my body seems so alive I honestly think I could paint what I see with a blindfold on. It has to be the closest thing to an artistic orgasm as I have ever found.

Maybe I won't change that flaw after all. I mean seriously, who am I to turn down an orgasm?

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