Observations from the Window 4.10

Six weeks.

My first six weeks of bartending is finished and now I get a break. Six weeks of little sleep, short naps whenever I can grab them, and way too much Red Bull. Six weeks finished with a breakfast of waffles, strawberries, and a beer. I know that sounds wrong but it tasted sooo good.

God I loved it and hated it at the same time ....

And what did I accomplish?

Well in six weeks I made enough in tips to park my car for a year. I signed a lease a couple days ago and I just had to smile. I miss foxy and with summer coming I can imagine putting the top down and just heading out to the beaches of Long Island. I feel a little less trapped already. And, more importantly, when fall rolls around, I can head out the interstate and party with my 100,000 friends at PSU football games. Hey some things never change. Some things really are more important than others.

I learned I still like music more than anything else. I always have and I have always been drawn to musicians. But I also learned that some music, well, just sucks. I’ve also made new friends. Friends out of my usual art world including my bartender partner who bought me breakfast and my bouncer dude who nicknamed me ‘peanut’, which just scares the hell out of me.

And what was the cost?

The jury is still out on that question. I know it’s been hard on my friends. It’s been hard on Ash who is going to make me pay I’m sure. It was emotionally and physically draining. I feel like I have like fifty hours of sleep I owe myself and have no idea when or how I’m going to pay it back. But like I always said in high school, I' sleep when I'm dead. And I know it’s been hard on a special relationship of mine, which is something I’m so very sorry for.

But I also learned something tonight, something so totally obvious. When you love somebody as a friend or a lover or whatever, well, just to spend some time with them is so just awesome.

I just have to smile

tuneage, Gnarls Barkley - Reckoner