Well hell I haven’t written in a couple days, probably one of the bigger gaps since I have started. The thing is I tend to write what’s on my mind, that being the whole idea behind the blog, but the things on my mind for the last couple days have been things of a more personal nature that I don’t want to write about. I never planned on writing about. That and I have been a little busy getting back into the swing of life after last weeks trip to the Hamptons.
Summer is winding down and the Labor Day weekend is just ahead with a road trip up to State for their first football game, a visit with the Kid, and a first look at the so called ‘tornado shelter’ he is living in during his last semester in school. So called because it is a basement apartment with only a tiny window to the outside world and he posted on his Facebook page “incase of tornado come to my place and bring beer.” That’s my brother for you, always thinking of the other guy’s safety.
I have never been a big fan of the Labor Day holiday because nothing good ever seems to happen during it and the fact that it is the unofficial end of summer is just sad. I am tired of the heat and ready for football but there was a point last week when I was watching some dolphins swim along the shore that I could have cried because the end of another summer is like the end of another chapter in the book. Sure another summer is only a year away but where will I be? It’s a feeling I get only at this time of the year. I think it is because so many of the events that are the mile markers of my life have happened in the summer.
So what all is going on. My sister just began he senior year in high school and, as good as she is, it might also be the beginning of the end of her field hockey career. She really seems to want to concentrate on her new love for photography and who am I to argue with that. As I said my brother is starting his last semester at PSU and will graduate with an Environmental Science degree with two minors. Unlike me when I was at that point of my life he is itching to get on with his life after school. It's just going to seem so weird, and more than a little sad, not having one of us at State. Than I have a good friend who, after years of work, has also come to an important point in her life. She is looking at an ending of sorts but also a new beginning and I’m so proud of her. I just want to do whatever I can to help smooth the transition but I’m not at all sure what that is.
And finally it comes back to me. I seem to have reached a crossroads of sorts myself and need to take step back and look long and hard down the road. Depending on which road i take my life could change instantly and I’m not at all good with change. I’m not good with slow change let alone the instantaneous kind so confusion reigns. So i sit and ponder on how much i would want my life to change and how much i don't.
Karma
The Rolling Stones - Blinded by Rainbows
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Observations from the Road 8.28
Another early morning today followed by another walk on the beach and our Long Island excursion begins to wind down. Time to hit the beach a last time and than get out of town before the hurricane Danille generated rip currents hit the shore. A week that started out with some wretched weather is ending with some of the most glorious of this summer. Ash seems pleased with all her new contacts and I got some precious beach time before the end of days so all is good.
Yesterday we ran across a sweet gallery in Bridgehampton which is owned by a woman named Amy whose last name escapes me. The gallery is in an old factory building and hung mostly with her work, to me just a stunning combination of b&w abstract paintings. Wearing a long gothy black dress i thought Amy was rather stunning herself.
Background fact. The two townships that make up ‘the Hamptons’ sport three of the top ten most expensive zip codes in the US. Bridgehampton, where Amy’s gallery is located, is the eighth most expensive. And I had a just a regular cheese burger for lunch, who knew?
You probably realize by now that I love quotes. There is a Robert Kennedy quote that is one of my favs, "I found out something I never knew. I found out that my world was not the real world." I have had that in my sl profile since almost day one because it always seemed so right. But it seemed to fit this week in the Hamptons too or rather the inverse did. There are still times I don’t feel quite at home in the Village, it’s hard to explain but I don’t think I ever will totally feel at home there. But at times out here I felt so out of place, the football loving beer drinker in the land of polo loving wine aficionados. Real polo, not Ralph Lauren Polo for Christ’s sake. Though I don't think i would mind being wealthy I think a lot of that feeling came from the money. Some of these people have money, know they have money, and like to show each other they have money. They are friendly but fairly aloof, I got the distinct impression that some thought I wasn’t quite as good as them. I never get that feeling in Stone Harbor, which is the richer part of south Jersey. Maybe it was just the PSU sweatshirts. Karma.
Still my only regret this week was the fact that I didn’t bring along any leather. The nights were just so totally perfect for it.
Arcade Fire - Ready to Start
Yesterday we ran across a sweet gallery in Bridgehampton which is owned by a woman named Amy whose last name escapes me. The gallery is in an old factory building and hung mostly with her work, to me just a stunning combination of b&w abstract paintings. Wearing a long gothy black dress i thought Amy was rather stunning herself.
Background fact. The two townships that make up ‘the Hamptons’ sport three of the top ten most expensive zip codes in the US. Bridgehampton, where Amy’s gallery is located, is the eighth most expensive. And I had a just a regular cheese burger for lunch, who knew?
You probably realize by now that I love quotes. There is a Robert Kennedy quote that is one of my favs, "I found out something I never knew. I found out that my world was not the real world." I have had that in my sl profile since almost day one because it always seemed so right. But it seemed to fit this week in the Hamptons too or rather the inverse did. There are still times I don’t feel quite at home in the Village, it’s hard to explain but I don’t think I ever will totally feel at home there. But at times out here I felt so out of place, the football loving beer drinker in the land of polo loving wine aficionados. Real polo, not Ralph Lauren Polo for Christ’s sake. Though I don't think i would mind being wealthy I think a lot of that feeling came from the money. Some of these people have money, know they have money, and like to show each other they have money. They are friendly but fairly aloof, I got the distinct impression that some thought I wasn’t quite as good as them. I never get that feeling in Stone Harbor, which is the richer part of south Jersey. Maybe it was just the PSU sweatshirts. Karma.
Still my only regret this week was the fact that I didn’t bring along any leather. The nights were just so totally perfect for it.
Arcade Fire - Ready to Start
Friday, August 27, 2010
Observations from the Road 8.27
Nearing the end of our week on Long Island I seem to have myself a bit messed up. I fell asleep early last night and now I’m awake at 4:30 for the second morning in a row. That is fine though because there is nothing quite like a walk on the beach just before sunrise, it has to be one of my favorite things. Not a sound heard but the surf hitting the beach, the color of the sky magically changing by the minute, than finally the sun bursting from the ocean. I think it is as close to the perfect moment in time as life gets. But right now it’s even too early for that so a bit of randomness is called for.
Wednesday. Galleries, there are so many galleries in the Hamptons, some totally nice and some not so. I know that’s the reason we drove out here but never having been here before I just didn’t realize how many there are. Ash tells me there about eighty galleries in all and I’m hoping I don’t have to see them all. But most seem overpriced in my novice humble opinion. Than that’s another thing that strikes you out here, there is money and lots of it. I think this is where all your brokerage fees, 401k fees, and overlimit fees come to roost. There doesn’t seem to be much of a recession in this part of the country.
I wouldn’t call myself a sculpture fanatic but we did see one way cool show today. It was at the Pamela Williams Gallery in Amagansett and is called ‘Etruscan Days’, an exhibition of new sculpture by artist William King. The works were named by him in a reference to the writings of D.H. Lawrence in Etruscan Travels. "If you want uplift, go to the Greek or the Gothic. If you want mass, go to the Roman. But if you love the odd, spontaneous forms that are never to be standardized, go to the Etruscan.” Some of them are rather stunning. I also saw some absolutely stunning oil on linen paintings by Denise Regan at the same gallery. The PWG was the winner of the day as far as I am concerned.
The clouds finally began to break late in the day letting some sun shine through and than tonight a gorgeous full moon shone over the Atlantic. Hopefully the weather holds for the rest of the week and I can get some sun. I think an early morning walk is called for tomorrow.
Thursday. This is most definitely wine and champagne country. I think as you drive past the exits for Rockaway and Coney Island you pass under an invisible sign emitting subliminal waves saying “all who pass here will drink wine and will enjoy it.” I even saw wine on the beach today. Not a wine cooler, that’s a staple at the Jersey shore, but honest to god wine in a bottle. Seriously that is just wrong at so many levels and I’m starting to feel a little weird drinking beer, something that has never before happened in my life.
For reasons unknown I love taking color photos at the beach. I almost never do any other time, sticking to b&w, but something about the colors you get and the lighting. I just can’t bring myself to change a thing. Must be the salt air, or the Corona, or or or ….
I love watching ‘Morning Joe’ on MSNBC and if I’m awake I almost always have it on in the background. Rob Reiner was on a couple of days ago and he said something that has been stuck in my head ever since. “There is a fine line between stupid and clever.” I can’t remember what he was talking about at the time but I like it.
Time for that walk ....
Sting - Desert Rose
Wednesday. Galleries, there are so many galleries in the Hamptons, some totally nice and some not so. I know that’s the reason we drove out here but never having been here before I just didn’t realize how many there are. Ash tells me there about eighty galleries in all and I’m hoping I don’t have to see them all. But most seem overpriced in my novice humble opinion. Than that’s another thing that strikes you out here, there is money and lots of it. I think this is where all your brokerage fees, 401k fees, and overlimit fees come to roost. There doesn’t seem to be much of a recession in this part of the country.
I wouldn’t call myself a sculpture fanatic but we did see one way cool show today. It was at the Pamela Williams Gallery in Amagansett and is called ‘Etruscan Days’, an exhibition of new sculpture by artist William King. The works were named by him in a reference to the writings of D.H. Lawrence in Etruscan Travels. "If you want uplift, go to the Greek or the Gothic. If you want mass, go to the Roman. But if you love the odd, spontaneous forms that are never to be standardized, go to the Etruscan.” Some of them are rather stunning. I also saw some absolutely stunning oil on linen paintings by Denise Regan at the same gallery. The PWG was the winner of the day as far as I am concerned.
The clouds finally began to break late in the day letting some sun shine through and than tonight a gorgeous full moon shone over the Atlantic. Hopefully the weather holds for the rest of the week and I can get some sun. I think an early morning walk is called for tomorrow.
Thursday. This is most definitely wine and champagne country. I think as you drive past the exits for Rockaway and Coney Island you pass under an invisible sign emitting subliminal waves saying “all who pass here will drink wine and will enjoy it.” I even saw wine on the beach today. Not a wine cooler, that’s a staple at the Jersey shore, but honest to god wine in a bottle. Seriously that is just wrong at so many levels and I’m starting to feel a little weird drinking beer, something that has never before happened in my life.
For reasons unknown I love taking color photos at the beach. I almost never do any other time, sticking to b&w, but something about the colors you get and the lighting. I just can’t bring myself to change a thing. Must be the salt air, or the Corona, or or or ….
I love watching ‘Morning Joe’ on MSNBC and if I’m awake I almost always have it on in the background. Rob Reiner was on a couple of days ago and he said something that has been stuck in my head ever since. “There is a fine line between stupid and clever.” I can’t remember what he was talking about at the time but I like it.
Time for that walk ....
Sting - Desert Rose
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Observations from the Road 8.24
I’m out here on the Island and really trying to enjoy it despite the weather but I find myself needing to vent. Blame it on Ash because she is the one who started talking about the Ground Zero Islamic Center thing tonight. The girl rarely escapes her immersion in two things, art and Chloe, but she has been pretty much alone with me for three days now and it, along with numerous bottles of Corona, is starting to have an effect. You see Ash has a way with the English language comparable to mine and basically said 'write bitch' and so i write.
I’m not going to get into the whole debate over where the center should be built. Personally both Ash and I think it should be built where they want. Not even thinking of freedom of religion part, I mean there are strip clubs in sight of Ground Zero and now we are building ‘monuments’ over the sight to the very investment houses that brought this country to its knees. So a house of worship, no matter what the religion, seems better than any more of that. For that matter it is more than a mosque, it is an Islamic Community Center, for all of the community.
But that isn’t why I need to vent. It’s this pathetic climate of class warfare the Republican Party, once again I remind you the party of Lincoln, is wallowing in. They don’t want to talk about anything important just about the Islamic Center, whether President Obama is truly an American, he is, and whether he is a Muslim, he isn’t. See my GOP friends that really wasn’t that hard was it? Now please get around to something important like our economy in shambles or a war we can’t win.
But you can’t can you? Because you have left the lunatics in charge now, and believe me I know lunatics when I see them and these are certifiable lunatics. The Republican leadership has seeded the party to Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and the tea party. Sorry but I refuse to capitalize that bunch of tards who remind me more and more of the KKK of history class. This group has driven the GOP over a cliff and my only hope is they don’t take the rest of us with them. Honestly at times I am frustrated and scared, scared for my country.
I just don’t get why the Democrats, from the top down, put up with it. Just stand up and say what you know to be true. Don’t be afraid of the bully on the playground or the bigoted tough guy in the bar. One good punch and they drop to the floor and whimper like a baby. This too I know something about.
Ill just add a few telling quotes and let my rant die with them.
“We all know that they have the right to do it, but should they?”
Republican Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin
“I believe that this is an important test of the separation of church and state, as important a test as we may see in our lifetimes, and it is critically important that we get it right.”
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg
“Nazis don’t have the right to put up a sign next to the Holocaust Museum in Washington. We would never accept the Japanese putting up a site next to Pearl Harbor. There’s no reason for us to accept a mosque next to the World Trade Center.”
Republican Presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich
“The longer we have this feud, the more the terrorists are laughing.”
New York Governor David Paterson
“The justification to ban the mosque is no more rational than banning a soccer field in the same place because all the suicide bombers loved to play soccer.”
Ron Paul
I left a link for that last quote because it is a very good statement to read. For a change a name Republican says something important that isn’t in lock step with the wingnuts. So you know I didn’t hear about this on Fox. Paul may be the only ‘maverick’ the GOP has left as Sarah Palin’s one time running mate John McCain has abdicated the post. And did you hear Fox News, more precisely its parent company, donated one million dollars to the Republican Governors Association? I’d say so much for fair and balanced.
OK, I’ll stop now. Seriously, I think the girl told me to write so she could drink all the beer. And I fell for it yet again ….
Bruce Springsteen & Tom Morello - The Ghost Of Tom Joad (excellent)
I’m not going to get into the whole debate over where the center should be built. Personally both Ash and I think it should be built where they want. Not even thinking of freedom of religion part, I mean there are strip clubs in sight of Ground Zero and now we are building ‘monuments’ over the sight to the very investment houses that brought this country to its knees. So a house of worship, no matter what the religion, seems better than any more of that. For that matter it is more than a mosque, it is an Islamic Community Center, for all of the community.
But that isn’t why I need to vent. It’s this pathetic climate of class warfare the Republican Party, once again I remind you the party of Lincoln, is wallowing in. They don’t want to talk about anything important just about the Islamic Center, whether President Obama is truly an American, he is, and whether he is a Muslim, he isn’t. See my GOP friends that really wasn’t that hard was it? Now please get around to something important like our economy in shambles or a war we can’t win.
But you can’t can you? Because you have left the lunatics in charge now, and believe me I know lunatics when I see them and these are certifiable lunatics. The Republican leadership has seeded the party to Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and the tea party. Sorry but I refuse to capitalize that bunch of tards who remind me more and more of the KKK of history class. This group has driven the GOP over a cliff and my only hope is they don’t take the rest of us with them. Honestly at times I am frustrated and scared, scared for my country.
I just don’t get why the Democrats, from the top down, put up with it. Just stand up and say what you know to be true. Don’t be afraid of the bully on the playground or the bigoted tough guy in the bar. One good punch and they drop to the floor and whimper like a baby. This too I know something about.
Ill just add a few telling quotes and let my rant die with them.
“We all know that they have the right to do it, but should they?”
Republican Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin
“I believe that this is an important test of the separation of church and state, as important a test as we may see in our lifetimes, and it is critically important that we get it right.”
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg
“Nazis don’t have the right to put up a sign next to the Holocaust Museum in Washington. We would never accept the Japanese putting up a site next to Pearl Harbor. There’s no reason for us to accept a mosque next to the World Trade Center.”
Republican Presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich
“The longer we have this feud, the more the terrorists are laughing.”
New York Governor David Paterson
“The justification to ban the mosque is no more rational than banning a soccer field in the same place because all the suicide bombers loved to play soccer.”
Ron Paul
I left a link for that last quote because it is a very good statement to read. For a change a name Republican says something important that isn’t in lock step with the wingnuts. So you know I didn’t hear about this on Fox. Paul may be the only ‘maverick’ the GOP has left as Sarah Palin’s one time running mate John McCain has abdicated the post. And did you hear Fox News, more precisely its parent company, donated one million dollars to the Republican Governors Association? I’d say so much for fair and balanced.
OK, I’ll stop now. Seriously, I think the girl told me to write so she could drink all the beer. And I fell for it yet again ….
Bruce Springsteen & Tom Morello - The Ghost Of Tom Joad (excellent)
Monday, August 23, 2010
Observations from the Window 8.23
An open letter to whatever gods might be listening and have any control over the weather.
“What are you thinking? Why are you doing this to me? I know I have spent the last few weeks complaining that I am fed up with the sweltering heat and sick of August. Can you blame me? Some days my hair starts to look like so much lo mein falling over my shoulders and I really want, no need, to wear my leather again!
But I actually have something to do this week. Reservations made, the bags are packed and in Foxy, all is set for a week of cruising Long Island galleries and beaches. It’s one last chance to put a little color into this pale skin of mine before thoughts turn to fall. And you choose now to send the monsoons to New York? Wave after wave of heavy rain squalls, than teasing sun, and than more rain. All I know is you gods have one sick sense of humor. But you don’t need to remind us of that fact, after all that’s why you sent us Newt Gingrich.
So now that you had your chuckles and fun could you maybe find a little compassion and tone it down a notch? Seriously I’m not asking to put the top down at this point just maybe not have me blow off the road.
Thank you.”
Well I can hear your answer already. ‘What a bitch! She wants it all!’ Well pfft you and whatever unicorn you rode in on! If I can listen to Newt and live on I can handle whatever else you smartass gods send my way.
Oh I’m in it deep now, sorry! Seriously girls I’m sorry. Babes? Goddesses??
Oh hell, thunder …..
Eminem - Not Afraid
“What are you thinking? Why are you doing this to me? I know I have spent the last few weeks complaining that I am fed up with the sweltering heat and sick of August. Can you blame me? Some days my hair starts to look like so much lo mein falling over my shoulders and I really want, no need, to wear my leather again!
But I actually have something to do this week. Reservations made, the bags are packed and in Foxy, all is set for a week of cruising Long Island galleries and beaches. It’s one last chance to put a little color into this pale skin of mine before thoughts turn to fall. And you choose now to send the monsoons to New York? Wave after wave of heavy rain squalls, than teasing sun, and than more rain. All I know is you gods have one sick sense of humor. But you don’t need to remind us of that fact, after all that’s why you sent us Newt Gingrich.
So now that you had your chuckles and fun could you maybe find a little compassion and tone it down a notch? Seriously I’m not asking to put the top down at this point just maybe not have me blow off the road.
Thank you.”
Well I can hear your answer already. ‘What a bitch! She wants it all!’ Well pfft you and whatever unicorn you rode in on! If I can listen to Newt and live on I can handle whatever else you smartass gods send my way.
Oh I’m in it deep now, sorry! Seriously girls I’m sorry. Babes? Goddesses??
Oh hell, thunder …..
Eminem - Not Afraid
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Observations from the Roof, the Vendor
I had a rather eye opening day today and I seem to be back on the roof where it all started last night. After a night of chatting with the vqs I tried to get to sleep early, well early for me. For various reasons I found myself tossing in bed unable to sleep. Around four in the morning I pulled on a sweatshirt and some cutoffs and decided to go wander the neighborhood. I wandered the dark and empty streets, or what passes for dark and empty streets on a summer night in the Village.
Eventually I stopped to get an early edition Times and ended up drinking coffee and talking to the vendor. I guess he doesn’t get much company at that hour because he proceeded to give me a life update. At one point he was telling me about his daughter who lives out on the left coast and whom he hasn’t seen in years. But than he pulled out his cell phone and told me he talks to her every day.
Something about that hit a loose wire in my brain because, as he talked on, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I have been thinking about it ever since. Now I always talk about how I ‘burn bridges’ leaving people behind like so many piles of bones alongside the road of my life. Not that it has to be my way all the time, more like I find it hard to deal with life’s problems and I find it so much easier to just walk on and leave it all behind. Its why have so few really old friends and always seem to depend on my family for support.
What makes this all more intense is the fact that at the moment the friends I do have seem to be scattering to the four corners. My sister is deep into field hockey, Ash’s girl friend is off visiting family and attending a theatre seminar and one of my best friends is off in wilderness unknown hunting bears.
After a day of thinking I came to determination of sorts. I just don’t think I am any longer the loner I once was, the loner that all my life I thrived on being. Maybe part of it is living in such a totally and constantly intense environment or maybe its just I’m getting older. Maybe I’m just maturing into a more normal person after twenty eight years. Honestly I have no idea why the vendor’s story did this to me. Karma, always karma.
The only thing of any substance to come out of all this meditation is this. I have a friend I call Pitts, its short for Pittsburgh and the reason is worth a blog post all its own and maybe one day I’ll get to it. She left PSU just before me, moving to LA and a job at UCLA just before I moved to the Village. For a long time we would talk everyday but now we just don’t seem to do it as much. I guess its one of those another place and another time type stories, things would have could have been so different had i met her at another time in my life. But today I realized I don’t want her to become one of those piles of bones along the road, honestly I miss her. There are only so many tall dark arrogant bitches in the world and we have to stick together. So I called her, talked for like two hours, and until we said goodbye it seemed like we were never apart. It felt good.
Well this turned into one of the longer posts i have written but I still have to get back to my newspaper vendor. After finishing my coffee and a last smoke I decided that the nicely caffeinated muah really did need some sleep after all so I said goodbye and headed for home. Hopefully I get to talk to him again but when I finally woke I wasn’t so sure the whole episode wasn’t just a dream. Than I found a paper next to the bed and realized that it really did happen. Strangely I found these words scribbled on the paper in my handwriting. I have no idea if I saw or heard them somewhere before or they came out of my sleepless brain. Ill finish with them because they seem fitting ….
No one knows till they have it
No one cares till they lose it
No one bleeds till they live it
No one wants to admit it
No one can be without it
No one truly lives till they feel it
The journey continues.
Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm No Good
Eventually I stopped to get an early edition Times and ended up drinking coffee and talking to the vendor. I guess he doesn’t get much company at that hour because he proceeded to give me a life update. At one point he was telling me about his daughter who lives out on the left coast and whom he hasn’t seen in years. But than he pulled out his cell phone and told me he talks to her every day.
Something about that hit a loose wire in my brain because, as he talked on, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I have been thinking about it ever since. Now I always talk about how I ‘burn bridges’ leaving people behind like so many piles of bones alongside the road of my life. Not that it has to be my way all the time, more like I find it hard to deal with life’s problems and I find it so much easier to just walk on and leave it all behind. Its why have so few really old friends and always seem to depend on my family for support.
What makes this all more intense is the fact that at the moment the friends I do have seem to be scattering to the four corners. My sister is deep into field hockey, Ash’s girl friend is off visiting family and attending a theatre seminar and one of my best friends is off in wilderness unknown hunting bears.
After a day of thinking I came to determination of sorts. I just don’t think I am any longer the loner I once was, the loner that all my life I thrived on being. Maybe part of it is living in such a totally and constantly intense environment or maybe its just I’m getting older. Maybe I’m just maturing into a more normal person after twenty eight years. Honestly I have no idea why the vendor’s story did this to me. Karma, always karma.
The only thing of any substance to come out of all this meditation is this. I have a friend I call Pitts, its short for Pittsburgh and the reason is worth a blog post all its own and maybe one day I’ll get to it. She left PSU just before me, moving to LA and a job at UCLA just before I moved to the Village. For a long time we would talk everyday but now we just don’t seem to do it as much. I guess its one of those another place and another time type stories, things would have could have been so different had i met her at another time in my life. But today I realized I don’t want her to become one of those piles of bones along the road, honestly I miss her. There are only so many tall dark arrogant bitches in the world and we have to stick together. So I called her, talked for like two hours, and until we said goodbye it seemed like we were never apart. It felt good.
Well this turned into one of the longer posts i have written but I still have to get back to my newspaper vendor. After finishing my coffee and a last smoke I decided that the nicely caffeinated muah really did need some sleep after all so I said goodbye and headed for home. Hopefully I get to talk to him again but when I finally woke I wasn’t so sure the whole episode wasn’t just a dream. Than I found a paper next to the bed and realized that it really did happen. Strangely I found these words scribbled on the paper in my handwriting. I have no idea if I saw or heard them somewhere before or they came out of my sleepless brain. Ill finish with them because they seem fitting ….
No one knows till they have it
No one cares till they lose it
No one bleeds till they live it
No one wants to admit it
No one can be without it
No one truly lives till they feel it
The journey continues.
Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm No Good
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Observations from the Library 8.18
Artists, more precisely visual artists, are a strange breed. And, Ill be honest here, I can be one of the stranger ones in the group. If it is possible to extroverted and introverted at the same time that is me and many other artists, at least the ones I have come to know. I am a total attention whore but yet I want to left alone. I can chat to anyone like I have known them forever but I rarely am the one to say something first. I am at my best alone in the window or mountains discovering new parts of my mind, thinking, plotting, some would say conspiring how to mold my world.
I have a favorite quote I came across years ago. I am a big fan of Ernest Hemingway and anybody who has seen any of my profiles or sites probably knows this quote already. I have it plastered everywhere because it really does, more than anything else, describe what drives me. I think to understand me you have to understand this quote and I don’t totally understand it myself so you can see my problem here.
“That terrible mood of depression of whether it's any good or not is what is known as The Artist's Reward.”
Any artist that is honest with themselves craves attention for their work but, at the same time, stresses themselves into fits of anxiety over whether it will be liked. I could never be a critic because I know what a bad critique can do to a person. When I paint something I do it for myself, it’s something inside me that needs to get out. I want it to be liked, loved, appreciated, but in the end I couldn’t care less what you think. See I’m a terrible liar. I paint for myself and I would never not paint something because I feared it wouldn’t be liked. But what happens is I just don’t show a lot of what I paint so that I don’t have to deal with that ‘artist’s reward’ problem.
Photography brings its own set of problems. At their essence photos need to be seen or they are just so many Kodak snapshots in a musty album in the attic. For me photography is how I see the world around me and painting is what I see we I look inside myself, the extrovert and the introvert. But in allowing the photos to be seen I invite comment, actually desire comment, because painful silence is only as good as a horrid comment. This brings a catch 22, to have them seen and invite comment or not to be seen and deep inside never know the answer.
I have two flickr accounts, one for my real life photos and one for my second life ones. For multiple reasons I don’t post my real life photos in groups unless they are invited. I don’t want the stress that I would feel when I know I had posted them all over and nobody cares. I live with a couple comments from friends and people that stumble onto them. In my real life they are more important to me anyway. My second life flickr is totally different, my photos posted far and wide. I have pics with hundreds of views and the good feeling I get from that. But I also stress over them sometimes, retaking them over and over, sometimes deleting them just after I posted them. Twice it, along with other things, drove me to take a break from second life photography. I try hard not to anguish so much over them but I fail miserably every time.
So you can see that the so-called ‘artists reward’ does exist for me. The dilemma always will be keeping in it under control because I can totally understand how some artists have gone insane over time. This self made pressure is just a demon I have to wrestle with from time to time and hope I never fail in the end.
The Parlotones - Life Design
I have a favorite quote I came across years ago. I am a big fan of Ernest Hemingway and anybody who has seen any of my profiles or sites probably knows this quote already. I have it plastered everywhere because it really does, more than anything else, describe what drives me. I think to understand me you have to understand this quote and I don’t totally understand it myself so you can see my problem here.
“That terrible mood of depression of whether it's any good or not is what is known as The Artist's Reward.”
Any artist that is honest with themselves craves attention for their work but, at the same time, stresses themselves into fits of anxiety over whether it will be liked. I could never be a critic because I know what a bad critique can do to a person. When I paint something I do it for myself, it’s something inside me that needs to get out. I want it to be liked, loved, appreciated, but in the end I couldn’t care less what you think. See I’m a terrible liar. I paint for myself and I would never not paint something because I feared it wouldn’t be liked. But what happens is I just don’t show a lot of what I paint so that I don’t have to deal with that ‘artist’s reward’ problem.
Photography brings its own set of problems. At their essence photos need to be seen or they are just so many Kodak snapshots in a musty album in the attic. For me photography is how I see the world around me and painting is what I see we I look inside myself, the extrovert and the introvert. But in allowing the photos to be seen I invite comment, actually desire comment, because painful silence is only as good as a horrid comment. This brings a catch 22, to have them seen and invite comment or not to be seen and deep inside never know the answer.
I have two flickr accounts, one for my real life photos and one for my second life ones. For multiple reasons I don’t post my real life photos in groups unless they are invited. I don’t want the stress that I would feel when I know I had posted them all over and nobody cares. I live with a couple comments from friends and people that stumble onto them. In my real life they are more important to me anyway. My second life flickr is totally different, my photos posted far and wide. I have pics with hundreds of views and the good feeling I get from that. But I also stress over them sometimes, retaking them over and over, sometimes deleting them just after I posted them. Twice it, along with other things, drove me to take a break from second life photography. I try hard not to anguish so much over them but I fail miserably every time.
So you can see that the so-called ‘artists reward’ does exist for me. The dilemma always will be keeping in it under control because I can totally understand how some artists have gone insane over time. This self made pressure is just a demon I have to wrestle with from time to time and hope I never fail in the end.
The Parlotones - Life Design
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Observations from the Window 8.15
So today is my birthday, twenty eight years old if I remember correctly. Don’t laugh because I thought I was twenty eight last year too. I am sitting here thinking about where I am, really where I have come from too. I’m at a place so different, both mentally and physically, from anyplace I have been before in my life that I honestly think I need to take a hard look and think about where I want to go from here. But that isn’t for today, isn’t for now.
It has been a long crazy journey to this point and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Karma. I’m just a crazy girl and I totally don’t see that ever changing either.
I started out in a relatively small town in Pennsylvania and now find myself at the center of the universe, I am so going to pay for that comment. Along the way I earned a masters degree from one of the country’s finest schools, seen more awesome works of art that most people see in a lifetime, and created a body of work of my in both painting and photography. If I am honest I have more good friends now than I have had at any other time in my life and two girls I like to call my best friends. I rely on them both in different ways but love them both dearly in just the same. I have a brother I can’t do without, a sister I admire like nobody else, and a father whose feelings for I can’t put into words.
On the dark side I have been lost in drugs, spent time in rehab, and had a long term relationship end brutally. At times I can be the hardest person to be around, be one introverted, moody, and arrogant bitch. The worst part is sometimes I totally like being that way and that arrogant bitch has had me thrown in jail at least one time that I know of.
Looking forward I have no idea where I am going. I just started a little art business project that I hope goes well. Ash and I will either do well or kill each other in the process. It's way to early to tell which of those is the likely ending but I’m thinking positive. Sometimes I like to think that all roads lead to Paris with a good friend. Time will tell on that one too.
So, reading up, that teeter totter of life is at least leaning towards the light side. After all that I better get to my point. Between all my little online endeavors I have more friends and acquaintances than I care to count. You listen to me rant, bitch, and sometimes cry in writing and in pics and, bless you all, you keep coming back for more. I just want to thank for reading, looking, and pretending I am a relatively sane gurl.
The journey continues.
George Harrison - While My Guitar Gently Weeps
It has been a long crazy journey to this point and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Karma. I’m just a crazy girl and I totally don’t see that ever changing either.
I started out in a relatively small town in Pennsylvania and now find myself at the center of the universe, I am so going to pay for that comment. Along the way I earned a masters degree from one of the country’s finest schools, seen more awesome works of art that most people see in a lifetime, and created a body of work of my in both painting and photography. If I am honest I have more good friends now than I have had at any other time in my life and two girls I like to call my best friends. I rely on them both in different ways but love them both dearly in just the same. I have a brother I can’t do without, a sister I admire like nobody else, and a father whose feelings for I can’t put into words.
On the dark side I have been lost in drugs, spent time in rehab, and had a long term relationship end brutally. At times I can be the hardest person to be around, be one introverted, moody, and arrogant bitch. The worst part is sometimes I totally like being that way and that arrogant bitch has had me thrown in jail at least one time that I know of.
Looking forward I have no idea where I am going. I just started a little art business project that I hope goes well. Ash and I will either do well or kill each other in the process. It's way to early to tell which of those is the likely ending but I’m thinking positive. Sometimes I like to think that all roads lead to Paris with a good friend. Time will tell on that one too.
So, reading up, that teeter totter of life is at least leaning towards the light side. After all that I better get to my point. Between all my little online endeavors I have more friends and acquaintances than I care to count. You listen to me rant, bitch, and sometimes cry in writing and in pics and, bless you all, you keep coming back for more. I just want to thank for reading, looking, and pretending I am a relatively sane gurl.
The journey continues.
George Harrison - While My Guitar Gently Weeps
the List
My birthday wish list,
A house on the beach in Stone Harbor NJ,
A Ferrari California in black,
A Harley-Davidson Nightster (perfectly named),
An Alexander McQueen Leather Bomber Jacket with the Stretch Pants to match,
An apartment in the 6th Arrondissement of Paris, preferably with a view of the Louvre,
A lifetime membership as a Patron of the Louvre,
A Sony VAIO Signature Collection Z Series laptop with the black carbon finish,
To be alone with Lady Gaga for a whole night and keep her so busy I don't have to listen to her sing even one song,
And finally a cure for cancer and the ability to turn back time, i mean seriously Superman did it why not muah?
Sometimes I loath my birthday. Karma.
Elton John - Candle In The Wind
A house on the beach in Stone Harbor NJ,
A Ferrari California in black,
A Harley-Davidson Nightster (perfectly named),
An Alexander McQueen Leather Bomber Jacket with the Stretch Pants to match,
An apartment in the 6th Arrondissement of Paris, preferably with a view of the Louvre,
A lifetime membership as a Patron of the Louvre,
A Sony VAIO Signature Collection Z Series laptop with the black carbon finish,
To be alone with Lady Gaga for a whole night and keep her so busy I don't have to listen to her sing even one song,
And finally a cure for cancer and the ability to turn back time, i mean seriously Superman did it why not muah?
Sometimes I loath my birthday. Karma.
Elton John - Candle In The Wind
Friday, August 13, 2010
Observations from the Roof 8.13
Finally a cool night in the city, yesterday’s storms and this morning’s showers finally breaking the heat that had gripped the city for days. Now the barest of sliver moons floats over the Village in a clear sky, the beer is icy cold again and not the temperature of pool water tainted with, oh you can fill in the blank yourself.
It has been so hot for so long this summer, a feeling exaggerated by my being in the city all summer, and it just reminds me how much I hate August. I was born in August yet it is second only to February on my month hating list. By the time I get to my birthday my beach trip is always long gone and I am just tired of the heat, just ready for those first cool crisp mornings in the mountains. Oh wait, I’m not there, guess I’ll be ready for those first semi-cool mornings in the city instead. I’m ready for football and the Phillies annual run into October. Hockey isn’t far off and, possibly the most important of all, I miss my leather jackets. No I don’t name them like my car but I should because I think I have one for every letter of the alphabet. So take that Kanye and your leather pants tweets. One only needs one or two pair of leather pants but one can never have enough leather jackets.
Speaking of leather jackets, a friend pointed out that there was a kewl one in the VS catalog. She was, as always, correct and I found there are two online. So any of you need a last minute birthday pres feel free to order me one or both for that matter, I’m easy.
At least I have a couple of road trips coming up to get me through the rest of the month. Sunday I’m taking Foxy up to the mountains to help my brother move into a new apartment as he begins his final semester at PSU. Sadly this might mean the end to a family tradition. Hey sis, you reading this sis? You can’t ask for more than photography, field hockey, and the mountains. Later in the month Ash and I are heading out to the Hamptons to check out some galleries and the beaches along the way. That should bring just up to the first Penn State game and than it’s back to the mountains I go.
Finally I want to announce my undying love of Judge Vaughn Walker. I think I need to travel to California and marry that man. Oh I know what you are thinking already, a gay and a lesbian it will never work, but it’s worth a try. Now that I bring it up I’m not even sure it is legal yet. Have to put that one on the agenda next cause I want to hear the wingnuts arguments against gayzbo weddings. It would probably be totally hilarious!
But now I have to go as Ash just went totally baby and tossed another bottle top over the edge because she knows it drives me insane and I’m not paying attention her latest Lady Gaga rant.
So happy Friday the 13th my peeps. Life goes on.
Katy Perry - California Gurls
It has been so hot for so long this summer, a feeling exaggerated by my being in the city all summer, and it just reminds me how much I hate August. I was born in August yet it is second only to February on my month hating list. By the time I get to my birthday my beach trip is always long gone and I am just tired of the heat, just ready for those first cool crisp mornings in the mountains. Oh wait, I’m not there, guess I’ll be ready for those first semi-cool mornings in the city instead. I’m ready for football and the Phillies annual run into October. Hockey isn’t far off and, possibly the most important of all, I miss my leather jackets. No I don’t name them like my car but I should because I think I have one for every letter of the alphabet. So take that Kanye and your leather pants tweets. One only needs one or two pair of leather pants but one can never have enough leather jackets.
Speaking of leather jackets, a friend pointed out that there was a kewl one in the VS catalog. She was, as always, correct and I found there are two online. So any of you need a last minute birthday pres feel free to order me one or both for that matter, I’m easy.
At least I have a couple of road trips coming up to get me through the rest of the month. Sunday I’m taking Foxy up to the mountains to help my brother move into a new apartment as he begins his final semester at PSU. Sadly this might mean the end to a family tradition. Hey sis, you reading this sis? You can’t ask for more than photography, field hockey, and the mountains. Later in the month Ash and I are heading out to the Hamptons to check out some galleries and the beaches along the way. That should bring just up to the first Penn State game and than it’s back to the mountains I go.
Finally I want to announce my undying love of Judge Vaughn Walker. I think I need to travel to California and marry that man. Oh I know what you are thinking already, a gay and a lesbian it will never work, but it’s worth a try. Now that I bring it up I’m not even sure it is legal yet. Have to put that one on the agenda next cause I want to hear the wingnuts arguments against gayzbo weddings. It would probably be totally hilarious!
But now I have to go as Ash just went totally baby and tossed another bottle top over the edge because she knows it drives me insane and I’m not paying attention her latest Lady Gaga rant.
So happy Friday the 13th my peeps. Life goes on.
Katy Perry - California Gurls
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Observations from the Library 8.10
I was working on my comp last night partly listening to Rachel Maddow. I am taking a deep breath here because I’m trying a new kinder gentler version of KCT so I’m not going to fume or vent here. I’m just going to pass along some of what I heard at the end of the show. Actually I just watched the video again myself because I just didn’t believe it, but no I heard it right the first time.
So what I am sharing here is a perfectly logical reason why some people shouldn’t be allowed to breed. I do want to add a disclaimer. I am not, nor have I ever, advocated forced sterilization, that is until now.
And I wonder why I drink.
From the transcript (edited for space)
MADDOW: And finally, there‘s Republican Minnesota state representative and gubernatorial candidate, Tom Emmer, the presumptive nominee on the Republican side, a man so polarizing that there is a nationwide boycott currently against retail giants, Target and Best Buy, for donating to a business PAC that is supporting Mr. Emmer.
Back in 2008, Mr. Emmer‘s campaign donated money to the You Can Run But You Cannot Hide Ministry, which was founded by this handsome fellow.
MADDOW: Turns out that‘s the real tape. We didn‘t mess that up. This really is the ministry‘s official band. It‘s called Junkyard Prophets. And according to the band‘s Web site, they were voted second best unsigned band in America. By whom?
The founder and the magnificent drummer in the ankle socks there is Bradlee Dean. That‘s Bradlee with two E‘s for those of you Googling at home. Mr. Dean doesn‘t only use the skins for his evangelical message. He uses his radio show as well.
BRADLEE DEAN, FOUNDER, YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CANNOT HIDE MINISTRY:
Muslims are calling for the execution of homosexuals in America. They themselves are upholding the laws that are even in the Bible of the Judeo-Christian God but they seem to be more moral than even the American Christians do, because these people are livid about enforcing their laws. They know homosexuality‘s an abomination. If America won‘t enforce the laws, God will raise up a foreign enemy to do just that. That‘s what you‘re seeing today in America.
MADDOW: Mr. Bradlee, with two E‘s, later clarified that he didn‘t really mean to sanction murder of gay people. He said quote, “We have never and will never call for the - we have never and will never call for the execution of homosexuals” which is nice.
But of course, he does still consider the gay to be an abomination and he has some other stuff that he said about the homosexuals which maybe is a little problematic given that he has been given money by a candidate for Republican governor.
BRADLEE: Here‘s the bottom line. They play the victim when in fact they‘re the predator. On average, they molest 117 people. On average, they molest 117 people before they‘re found out. How many kids have been destroyed? How many adults today have been destroyed because of crimes against nature? How many people have been violated because of that?
MADDOW: 117 precisely. He counted. Now, it‘s no surprise that a conservative anti-gay candidate for office in a conservative anti-gay ministry have ties. Conservative anti-gay politics are nothing new. What‘s new, however, is that the politicians are giving money to the bands, homophobic bands, but bands nonetheless.
So why would a candidate for office, any office, make such a donation? Isn‘t it meant to be the other way around? Don‘t bands raise money for candidates not vice versa? Mr. Emmer‘s explanation is quote, “These are nice people.”
Good night.
The Cranberries - Analyse
So what I am sharing here is a perfectly logical reason why some people shouldn’t be allowed to breed. I do want to add a disclaimer. I am not, nor have I ever, advocated forced sterilization, that is until now.
And I wonder why I drink.
From the transcript (edited for space)
MADDOW: And finally, there‘s Republican Minnesota state representative and gubernatorial candidate, Tom Emmer, the presumptive nominee on the Republican side, a man so polarizing that there is a nationwide boycott currently against retail giants, Target and Best Buy, for donating to a business PAC that is supporting Mr. Emmer.
Back in 2008, Mr. Emmer‘s campaign donated money to the You Can Run But You Cannot Hide Ministry, which was founded by this handsome fellow.
MADDOW: Turns out that‘s the real tape. We didn‘t mess that up. This really is the ministry‘s official band. It‘s called Junkyard Prophets. And according to the band‘s Web site, they were voted second best unsigned band in America. By whom?
The founder and the magnificent drummer in the ankle socks there is Bradlee Dean. That‘s Bradlee with two E‘s for those of you Googling at home. Mr. Dean doesn‘t only use the skins for his evangelical message. He uses his radio show as well.
BRADLEE DEAN, FOUNDER, YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CANNOT HIDE MINISTRY:
Muslims are calling for the execution of homosexuals in America. They themselves are upholding the laws that are even in the Bible of the Judeo-Christian God but they seem to be more moral than even the American Christians do, because these people are livid about enforcing their laws. They know homosexuality‘s an abomination. If America won‘t enforce the laws, God will raise up a foreign enemy to do just that. That‘s what you‘re seeing today in America.
MADDOW: Mr. Bradlee, with two E‘s, later clarified that he didn‘t really mean to sanction murder of gay people. He said quote, “We have never and will never call for the - we have never and will never call for the execution of homosexuals” which is nice.
But of course, he does still consider the gay to be an abomination and he has some other stuff that he said about the homosexuals which maybe is a little problematic given that he has been given money by a candidate for Republican governor.
BRADLEE: Here‘s the bottom line. They play the victim when in fact they‘re the predator. On average, they molest 117 people. On average, they molest 117 people before they‘re found out. How many kids have been destroyed? How many adults today have been destroyed because of crimes against nature? How many people have been violated because of that?
MADDOW: 117 precisely. He counted. Now, it‘s no surprise that a conservative anti-gay candidate for office in a conservative anti-gay ministry have ties. Conservative anti-gay politics are nothing new. What‘s new, however, is that the politicians are giving money to the bands, homophobic bands, but bands nonetheless.
So why would a candidate for office, any office, make such a donation? Isn‘t it meant to be the other way around? Don‘t bands raise money for candidates not vice versa? Mr. Emmer‘s explanation is quote, “These are nice people.”
Good night.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
The Cranberries - Analyse
Monday, August 9, 2010
Observations from the Window 8.9
Looking out the window all indications are the heat is back. I don’t know this for a fact because I haven’t been out yet but the street has that hot shimmering look to it. Than again it is the middle of August. It’s Monday and I’m sitting here with one of those melancholy moods slipping down over me, the kind that calls for plenty of ‘Black Parade’ on the iPod. I realized this morning I have been here in the Village for over seven months now, nothing especially saddening about that as I really am enjoying it. But this means that for the first time in ten years it is the middle of August and I am not getting ready for another year at Penn State. No classes, no work, no office, no smiling JoePa face in every window. And I do believe that is the root of the mood I suddenly find myself in.
I really can’t think of any other reason because it was a great weekend. As I said my sis and her girlfriend came to visit for a couple days. I miss my mini-me, and don’t get to see her nearly as much as I should, but the girl is busy getting ready for her senior year in high school, being captain of the field hockey team, and looking at schools. Personally I think she should go to Penn State and I think my dad and brother would agree with me. But she is rebellious to a fault, I’m so glad I’m not like that, and I see her breaking with the rest of the family just on principal.
She seems to be leaning towards an art school in Philly but I don't see her going there because they don’t have a field hockey team. I really can’t see the girl giving that up like I did because she is so much better than I was and even has scholarship offers from some small schools. I did nonchalantly bring to her attention the fact that Penn State has a fine hockey team, I have checked it out on occasion, and a totally awesome photography program. I might even have a few contacts for her in the art school.
Speaking of photography, between real and second lives I must have taken over a hundred pics this weekend. I just finished looking at them and sadly I don’t really like any. Now this isn’t going to help my mood at all. But I did see some good photos yesterday. A friend of mine just got back from a west coast trip and had some awesome shots from camping. That at least makes me smile, however briefly, because the girl thinks she has no artistic talent at all and she really truly does. By the way she doesn’t take compliments well so I didn’t just mention the pics.
Now I am thinking I have to get Foxy’s oil changed this week because for the first time in a long time I am starting to believe a run to the mountains is called for, after all the 14th ranked Nittany Lions are already a week into practice. Cool crisp clear mountain air, cold beer, and football with 100,000 friends, now that could be the cure for this mood.
Time will tell
Eminem - Love The Way You Lie
I really can’t think of any other reason because it was a great weekend. As I said my sis and her girlfriend came to visit for a couple days. I miss my mini-me, and don’t get to see her nearly as much as I should, but the girl is busy getting ready for her senior year in high school, being captain of the field hockey team, and looking at schools. Personally I think she should go to Penn State and I think my dad and brother would agree with me. But she is rebellious to a fault, I’m so glad I’m not like that, and I see her breaking with the rest of the family just on principal.
She seems to be leaning towards an art school in Philly but I don't see her going there because they don’t have a field hockey team. I really can’t see the girl giving that up like I did because she is so much better than I was and even has scholarship offers from some small schools. I did nonchalantly bring to her attention the fact that Penn State has a fine hockey team, I have checked it out on occasion, and a totally awesome photography program. I might even have a few contacts for her in the art school.
Speaking of photography, between real and second lives I must have taken over a hundred pics this weekend. I just finished looking at them and sadly I don’t really like any. Now this isn’t going to help my mood at all. But I did see some good photos yesterday. A friend of mine just got back from a west coast trip and had some awesome shots from camping. That at least makes me smile, however briefly, because the girl thinks she has no artistic talent at all and she really truly does. By the way she doesn’t take compliments well so I didn’t just mention the pics.
Now I am thinking I have to get Foxy’s oil changed this week because for the first time in a long time I am starting to believe a run to the mountains is called for, after all the 14th ranked Nittany Lions are already a week into practice. Cool crisp clear mountain air, cold beer, and football with 100,000 friends, now that could be the cure for this mood.
Time will tell
Eminem - Love The Way You Lie
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Observations from the Window 8.8
My sis and her girlfriend Diana came to visit this weekend and I’m sure I’ll have something to say about it later but I just wanted to share something quick. We met up with Ash and Chloe for a late dinner of cold shrimp and colder beer. I was watching D typing away on her iPhone thinking I really like this girl, she might be part geek like me. I had no idea that she wanted to be a writer when I asked if I could see what it and she said sure because it was nothing.
Than I asked if i could share it because after the past week it made me think again of hope. That hope that I have in the generations ahead ....
love, by dd
My love
She is so Beautiful
Smart
Caring
Kind
Fun
Loud
Pretty
Funny
Loveable
Warm
Understanding
I love her with all my heart
I want to hold her
Hug her
feel her body's warmth against mine
feel her skin against mine
hear her whispering she loves me too
kiss her
experience her
I want with all my heart just to be able to love her
She is the most important person in the world to me
I care about her
I worry about her
I think about her constantly
Black Eyed Peas - Where Is The Love?
Than I asked if i could share it because after the past week it made me think again of hope. That hope that I have in the generations ahead ....
love, by dd
My love
She is so Beautiful
Smart
Caring
Kind
Fun
Loud
Pretty
Funny
Loveable
Warm
Understanding
I love her with all my heart
I want to hold her
Hug her
feel her body's warmth against mine
feel her skin against mine
hear her whispering she loves me too
kiss her
experience her
I want with all my heart just to be able to love her
She is the most important person in the world to me
I care about her
I worry about her
I think about her constantly
Black Eyed Peas - Where Is The Love?
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Observations from the Window 8.5
“Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license.”
With those words, and quite a few more, Judge Vaughn Walker rules unconstitutional California’s Prop 8. I have written about it off and on so I felt I had to share my final thoughts, final for now anyway. But now I find I don’t have all that much I want to say. I have talked to and seen so many happy people in the last 24 hours and the feeling of euphoria has yet to wear off so I don’t want to think to much about it. Friends, family, on TV, twitter, plurk, in the street, and in the gallery peeps in my life are just happy. It’s such a totally awesome feeling that I find it hard to describe.
I toyed with the idea of going negative because I have seen some of the most contemptible comments on wingnut blogs , comparing gay marriage to incest and the like, but again I don’t want to ruin the feeling. What I will do is pass along a quote from Newt Gingrich’s blog. "Judge Walker's ruling overturning Prop 8 is an outrageous disrespect for our Constitution and for the majority of people of the United States who believe marriage is the union of husband and wife," says Gingrich. Well honestly the man should know as he has had three wives himself. Also the tard in chief Rush Limbaugh is strangely quiet, but than he has had four wives himself. Put the two of them together and you have the makings of a Mormon tea party. I know and I’m sorry but I couldn’t resist that.
Now it may seem like there isn’t much you can do now other than cross your fingers and hope for the best in the appeals but this isn’t true at all. We need to change public opinion in this country and create a climate in which the people’s voice is hard to ignore. So the best thing to do is talk to friends, family, coworkers, or in blogs and papers, and support candidates that support equal rights. Only five states currently allow same sex marriage but others are so close to doing so, including New York.
Enjoy that feeling while it lasts, it really doesn’t get much better, but don’t rest too long because it is a long road ahead. But there actually might be a light at the end after all, for now the ruling by Vaughn Walker is the law of the land.
I want to pass along a video of Keith Olbermann’s special comment from the week after Prop 8 originally passed, he replayed it last night.
With those words, and quite a few more, Judge Vaughn Walker rules unconstitutional California’s Prop 8. I have written about it off and on so I felt I had to share my final thoughts, final for now anyway. But now I find I don’t have all that much I want to say. I have talked to and seen so many happy people in the last 24 hours and the feeling of euphoria has yet to wear off so I don’t want to think to much about it. Friends, family, on TV, twitter, plurk, in the street, and in the gallery peeps in my life are just happy. It’s such a totally awesome feeling that I find it hard to describe.
I toyed with the idea of going negative because I have seen some of the most contemptible comments on wingnut blogs , comparing gay marriage to incest and the like, but again I don’t want to ruin the feeling. What I will do is pass along a quote from Newt Gingrich’s blog. "Judge Walker's ruling overturning Prop 8 is an outrageous disrespect for our Constitution and for the majority of people of the United States who believe marriage is the union of husband and wife," says Gingrich. Well honestly the man should know as he has had three wives himself. Also the tard in chief Rush Limbaugh is strangely quiet, but than he has had four wives himself. Put the two of them together and you have the makings of a Mormon tea party. I know and I’m sorry but I couldn’t resist that.
Now it may seem like there isn’t much you can do now other than cross your fingers and hope for the best in the appeals but this isn’t true at all. We need to change public opinion in this country and create a climate in which the people’s voice is hard to ignore. So the best thing to do is talk to friends, family, coworkers, or in blogs and papers, and support candidates that support equal rights. Only five states currently allow same sex marriage but others are so close to doing so, including New York.
Enjoy that feeling while it lasts, it really doesn’t get much better, but don’t rest too long because it is a long road ahead. But there actually might be a light at the end after all, for now the ruling by Vaughn Walker is the law of the land.
I want to pass along a video of Keith Olbermann’s special comment from the week after Prop 8 originally passed, he replayed it last night.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Observations from the Window 8.4
Happy birthday Mr. President.
President Obama turns 49 years old today, and while this is as good a reason as any to have a drink today my thoughts are much farther west than DC. In San Francisco Judge Vaughn Walker will supposedly release his long awaited ruling on California’s Prop 8. The case challenged the constitutionality of California's ban on same-sex marriage, otherwise known as Proposition 8. The decision is supposed to be handed down between 1PM and 3PM Pacific time, that would be between 4PM and 7PM Eastern for my time challenged peeps, and rallies are planned across the country. One, sponsored by Queer Rising, outside the New York Supreme Court building and I might have to check that out.
But already, even before the decision, Prop 8 supporters have filed papers with the Ninth Court of Appeals just in case the decision goes against them. This case might not be heard until 2012. So in reality nothing will be settled today, nothing truly answered, but possibly a new beginning can be made. Maybe somebody will just do what is right for a change. Than again I have been disappointed before and I wouldn’t be surprised if I am again.
One thing to watch for is any mention of the federal Defense of Marriage Act. While not really a central issue in the case before closing arguments Judge Walker asked if he could kill Prop 8 without dealing with DOMA. Now that a Boston judge has ruled DOMA unconstitutional any mention by Walker could send our ‘tea bagger’ friends into a tizzy and that’s always entertaining.
I have said before I have never really thought about getting married, and I’m not going to start that vent (l) again, but it simply is a question of equality. Are gays, lesbians, and bisexuals an equal member of society or are we some kind of second class citizens? Believe me if it is the later I can act second class, I have that one down better than anybody. But to be subject to the whims of some ultra right wing religious wingnut who has been divorced three times and drinks Bud, this I just can not have.
So for now the wait is on. Stay tuned, keep your fingers crossed, and the beer cold.
The decision is to be handed down electronically and will be available, along with any updates, at http://www.cand.uscourts.gov/
President Obama turns 49 years old today, and while this is as good a reason as any to have a drink today my thoughts are much farther west than DC. In San Francisco Judge Vaughn Walker will supposedly release his long awaited ruling on California’s Prop 8. The case challenged the constitutionality of California's ban on same-sex marriage, otherwise known as Proposition 8. The decision is supposed to be handed down between 1PM and 3PM Pacific time, that would be between 4PM and 7PM Eastern for my time challenged peeps, and rallies are planned across the country. One, sponsored by Queer Rising, outside the New York Supreme Court building and I might have to check that out.
But already, even before the decision, Prop 8 supporters have filed papers with the Ninth Court of Appeals just in case the decision goes against them. This case might not be heard until 2012. So in reality nothing will be settled today, nothing truly answered, but possibly a new beginning can be made. Maybe somebody will just do what is right for a change. Than again I have been disappointed before and I wouldn’t be surprised if I am again.
One thing to watch for is any mention of the federal Defense of Marriage Act. While not really a central issue in the case before closing arguments Judge Walker asked if he could kill Prop 8 without dealing with DOMA. Now that a Boston judge has ruled DOMA unconstitutional any mention by Walker could send our ‘tea bagger’ friends into a tizzy and that’s always entertaining.
I have said before I have never really thought about getting married, and I’m not going to start that vent (l) again, but it simply is a question of equality. Are gays, lesbians, and bisexuals an equal member of society or are we some kind of second class citizens? Believe me if it is the later I can act second class, I have that one down better than anybody. But to be subject to the whims of some ultra right wing religious wingnut who has been divorced three times and drinks Bud, this I just can not have.
So for now the wait is on. Stay tuned, keep your fingers crossed, and the beer cold.
The decision is to be handed down electronically and will be available, along with any updates, at http://www.cand.uscourts.gov/
Monday, August 2, 2010
Observations from the Roof 8.2
Just a short post, a beautiful night on the roof, I give you the symphony of sound that is my city at night ….
Cars, horns, shouts, rumbles, tunes mingling from clubs, sirens, cries, laughter, jets overhead, gunshots (maybe), screams, sirens, bells, impacts, screeches, sirens, bottle tops falling on the roof ….
You just have to wonder
Billy Currington - Pretty Good At Drinking Beer
Drive-By Truckers - Women Without Whiskey
(couldn't decide)
Cars, horns, shouts, rumbles, tunes mingling from clubs, sirens, cries, laughter, jets overhead, gunshots (maybe), screams, sirens, bells, impacts, screeches, sirens, bottle tops falling on the roof ….
You just have to wonder
Billy Currington - Pretty Good At Drinking Beer
Drive-By Truckers - Women Without Whiskey
(couldn't decide)
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Observations on Art 8.1
It’s a dreary rainy Sunday morning in the Village. I look down at a surprisingly empty street, wet and the color of spilled espresso, it looks as if all the grime of summer washed into the street overnight. But look higher and the trees are a beautiful shade of green, happy with the cooler air and the fresh shower they had.
My cynical and, some would say, radical side has been doing the writing for a few posts so I think I need chill a bit and get back to my love, my life, art. I have always considered myself an artist, at least since the moment when the thought first enters a child’s mind, ‘what am I?’ or “what do I want to be?’ when i grow up. Since that day my mom stuck my fingers in paint and let me make my first mess on a canvas, a wall, on myself. My dad still has that little ‘painting’ hanging in his living room.
I guess I never looked back from that day because I have never considered doing anything else with my life. I went into Art History instead of Fine Arts for two reasons. My dad guided, no pushed, me in that direction and I can’t stand all the rules and theories of Fine Arts. But in history I learned to appreciate styles that I never would have dreamed of casting my eyes upon before. I fell in love with van Gogh.
In photography I love the contrast and detail of B&W but in painting I love the color. I thrive on the shades and subtle nuances that most people can’t even see. Show me a painting that you think has two shades of blue and I'll show you a dozen in the same painting. Of all the colors I love blue like no other, in its infinite shades and tints, it can make my brain light up like no other color can. Matisse said “Cutting directly into color reminds me of a sculptor's carving into stone” and i know exactly what he meant.
Sometimes I'll go to a new show or museum and find a painting I haven’t seen in person before and fall in to a zone that can last for hours. This recently happened at the MOMA Matisee show with “Flowers and Ceramic Plate" where I sat on a bench for two hours with my head in my hands staring and lost in it. Pulling the blues apart bit by infinitesimal bit and putting it back together in my head. I have no way to describe it but if it is possible to get high on color I do it. The vqs gave up and wandered off probably hoping nobody called Bellevue to come and get me.
When I was in college I had a professor who once told me that I was well on my way to becoming the ‘mad hatter’ of art. I laughed and took that as the biggest compliment but I never knew if he meant it that way or just thought i was cracking up.
“There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it you need to be as mad as a hatter.”
Sounds like the art world to me.
Incubus - Nice To Know You
My cynical and, some would say, radical side has been doing the writing for a few posts so I think I need chill a bit and get back to my love, my life, art. I have always considered myself an artist, at least since the moment when the thought first enters a child’s mind, ‘what am I?’ or “what do I want to be?’ when i grow up. Since that day my mom stuck my fingers in paint and let me make my first mess on a canvas, a wall, on myself. My dad still has that little ‘painting’ hanging in his living room.
I guess I never looked back from that day because I have never considered doing anything else with my life. I went into Art History instead of Fine Arts for two reasons. My dad guided, no pushed, me in that direction and I can’t stand all the rules and theories of Fine Arts. But in history I learned to appreciate styles that I never would have dreamed of casting my eyes upon before. I fell in love with van Gogh.
In photography I love the contrast and detail of B&W but in painting I love the color. I thrive on the shades and subtle nuances that most people can’t even see. Show me a painting that you think has two shades of blue and I'll show you a dozen in the same painting. Of all the colors I love blue like no other, in its infinite shades and tints, it can make my brain light up like no other color can. Matisse said “Cutting directly into color reminds me of a sculptor's carving into stone” and i know exactly what he meant.
Sometimes I'll go to a new show or museum and find a painting I haven’t seen in person before and fall in to a zone that can last for hours. This recently happened at the MOMA Matisee show with “Flowers and Ceramic Plate" where I sat on a bench for two hours with my head in my hands staring and lost in it. Pulling the blues apart bit by infinitesimal bit and putting it back together in my head. I have no way to describe it but if it is possible to get high on color I do it. The vqs gave up and wandered off probably hoping nobody called Bellevue to come and get me.
When I was in college I had a professor who once told me that I was well on my way to becoming the ‘mad hatter’ of art. I laughed and took that as the biggest compliment but I never knew if he meant it that way or just thought i was cracking up.
“There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it you need to be as mad as a hatter.”
Sounds like the art world to me.
Incubus - Nice To Know You
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