Happy Valentine's Day

I was trying to think of something to write today but Valentine's Day isn't one of my best topics. Than I saw something a friend posted on Flickr and there is no way in hell I can top this so I'm going to borrow it. I hope she doesn't mind.

"In 1958, Mildred Jeter and Richard Loving, who lived in Virginia, were married in the District of Columbia to avoid Virginia’s ‘Racial Integrity’ law which outlawed marriage between different races. After returning home, Virginia police broke into their house and found them sleeping in bed together, for which they were arrested. In 1959 they were sentenced to one year in prison. The judge in the trial invoked religious arguments, stating that since God had created the races on different continents, He clearly did not mean for them to marry. The Lovings chose a 25 year suspended sentence on the condition they moved out of their home state of Virginia. In 1963 The ACLU filed a lawsuit on behalf of the Lovings, which wound its way to the Supreme Court of the United States, which unanimously ruled the Virginia law unconstitutional (Loving v Virginia, 1967).

The Court wrote “Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes … is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law.”
In 1945, after the US had helped win the right of freedom from oppression for people around the world, people of different races could not marry in 30 of 48 states (www.lovingday.org/legal-map).
Luckily, progress happens

My point on this Valentine’s Day? Governor Christie of New Jersey (and others), positive change is happening - don’t be on the wrong side of history."

Happy Valentine's Day

Observations from the Window 2.6

I once wrote the chances of me posting anything about Miley Cyrus would be about as good as the temperature hitting 70° in the Village during the last days of November but it happened. Maybe I should just blame global warming because here I am about to do it a second time. Cyrus has had an equal sign tattooed on her ring finger, done a NOH8 photo shoot for Adam Bouska, and now written an essay for Glamour magazine  on why she got the tattoo. So maybe she had a good ghost writer, who knows, I still give her credit for attaching her name to it.

"I believe every American should be allowed the same rights and civil liberties. Without legalized same-sex marriage, most of the time you cannot share the same health benefits, you are not considered next of kin and you are not granted the same securities as a heterosexual couple. How is this different than having someone sit in the back of the bus because of their skin color? We all should be tolerant of one another and embrace our differences. My dad, who is a real man's man, lives on the farm and is as Southern and straight as they come. He loves my gay friends and even supports same-sex marriage. If my father can do it, anyone can. This is America, the nation of dreams. We're so proud of that. And yet certain people are excluded. It's just not right."

I love to follow links and doing just that after reading her essay I learned something rather surprising. Though she is no longer fully employed by the Disney company one would think they keep tabs on their one former star who is relatively well behaved. They must have known about this but had no comment at all. It seems Disney is actually a very queer friendly company and one of the first to allow full domestic benefits to all of its employees.

Even though most Disney characters seem gay I was still pleasantly surprised to learn that.

Observations from the Window 12.28

Last Thursday marked the 1 year anniversary of President Obama's signing of the bill ending “Don't ask, don't tell” (DADT) and was also the 3 month anniversary of its official end. The end of DADT didn't bring the collapse of the military or the end of society as predicted. All it seems to have done is make many people extremely happy and freed gay members of the military and their straight friends from the constant fear of discovery or accusation. All this at virtually no cost to anybody and actually saving hundreds of millions of dollars that had been wasted on investigations and prosecutions, waisted on spying on our own troops. The only question remaining is does it even matter anymore? The Rick Perrys of the world be damned, there is no going back to what was in essence legalized prejudice.

As it did with the equal rights for black Americans the military might possibly lead the way for the rest of society. We were told that the open serving of gays would weaken the military, lead to a mass exodus of others, and destroy western civilization. Now the same arguments are used to oppose equal rights for all gays and the lesson learned from the military can't be overlooked. Still if you think the fight will be easier now think of General Colin Powell who was an outspoken opponent to DADT's repeal even though he directly benefited from the courage of earlier leaders.

Between the end of DADT and the legalization of gay marriage in the state of New York 2011 was a historic year. With the coming Presidential election one can argue about what President Obama promised to do and what he has done. That argument should always be made in the context of the Congress he was forced to deal with. Even though there is so much yet to do what has been accomplished shouldn't be forgotten.

If you look through history you will see that generational shifts are rarely easy and this one has just begun. Still, for me, the photo at the beginning of this post says it all. That photo of Petty Officers Gaeta and Snell's kiss was the most popular one online for days after its release with hardly a bad comment to be heard. How could there be?

As Dan Savage remarked, "Wow, just wow. I love me some smart, articulate, photogenic lesbian sailors!"

Don't we all?

Observations

No words necessary.... 

link

Observations from the Window 10.27

I received a rather weighty package from Amazon yesterday that may signal the beginning of a cold weather reading binge, something I think my brain needs. It also seems to be the time to put Patti Smith's Just Kids on the shelf for a long deserved break. I first read the book back in April and have been rereading parts of it ever since, partly because I live near where so many of the scenes took place. But one part I have stayed away from is the end because it always brings tears to my eyes.

In late February of 1989 Smith saw Robert Mapplethorpe for the last time. In the book she shows the following note which she wrote to Mapplethorpe, but doesn't say whether she actually sent it to him than or was writing it to him in the book. If I should ever meet her that's the first question I'm going to ask.

Dear Robert,
Often as I lie awake I wonder if you are also lying awake. Are you in pain or feeling alone? You drew me from the darkest period of my young life, sharing with me the sacred mystery of what it is to be an artist. I learned to see through you and never compose a line or draw a curve that does not come from the knowledge I derived in our precious time together. 
Your work, coming from a fluid source can be traced to the naked song of your youth. You spoke than of holding hands with god. Remember, through everything, you have always held that hand, grip it hard, Robert, and don't let go.
The other afternoon, when you fell asleep on my shoulder, I drifted off too. But before I did, it occurred to me looking around at all of your things and your work and going through years of work in my mind, that of all of your work, you are still your most beautiful.
The most beautiful work of all.
Patti

Mapplethorpe died a few days later on March 9, 1989.

Like I said, tears.

Patti Smith - Paths That Cross

Observations on Art, The Muse

The muses of the ancients were divinities. In Greek mythology Apollonis, Cephisso, and Borysthenis were known as the three muses, the goddesses who were said to inspire works of art and literature. The word museum finds its root in the Greek word mouseion which was a place where these daughters of Apollo were worshiped. The mythological muses met their end in Dante's Devine Comedy which was inspired by his very earthly muse Beatrice Portinari who he claimed to have met when they were both 9 years old. From than on the muse has come to be known as an artist's source of inspiration, whether real or imaginary, and generally refers to a person who inspires an artist.

During the Renaissance the model for two of Raphael's most famous Madonnas was a Sienese baker's daughter named Margharita di Luti, who was probably Raphael's lover. In one of my favorite stories the painter Fra Filippo Lippi went in for a riskier muse relationship when he seduced a young nun named Lucrezia Buti and went on to live with her, using her as the model for several portraits including one of the Holy Mother. Renaissance muses were subordinate to their artists, bound to their sexual needs while the artists were free to do as they pleased.

Modern muses seem to be powerful and creative women in their own right like Georgia O'Keeffe who didn't just inspire photographer Alfred Stieglitz, but influenced the direction of his art as well. I could write all day about Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe, mutual muses and collaborators. They were in and out of each others lives and art for over two decades until Mapplethorpe's death from AIDS in 1989. People will debate till the end of time on whether Yoko Ono was good for John Lennon's music but nobody will ever debate the effect she had on him.

Than again artists and muses seem to traditionally take a toll on each other. Salvador Dalí's wife Gala shrewdly tortured her sex-averse and masochistic husband with her affairs and the dancer Suzanne Farrell, George Balanchine's astonishingly beautiful muse, married another dancer the day his divorce was finalized. Pablo Picasso met Marie-Thérèse Walter in Paris when she was 17 and immediately made her his mistress, sometimes having his chauffeur wait outside her school to pick her up and take her to the artist's studio where she modeled for countless paintings. Walter later bore him a daughter though he refused to marry her, and killed herself in 1977, four years after Picasso died.

So what do I think a muse is? Somewhere in the past or present is a person that comes back to you again and again in your thoughts and dreams. You may have barely known them or you may know them well but either way they left an indelible impression on you. I had a professor who used Carl Jung's animus when she described her muse and the idea works for me too. Jung described the animus as the unconscious male dominated part of the female psyche. In my professors description this core part of your being, part of your very soul, is projected to the other person and when you look at them you see its reflection. You want desperately to speak to it but find it impossible and so turn to the only language that works, your art.

In an LA Times article on the death of the muse UCLA sociology professor David Halle wrote, "The concept of the muse is part of the Romantic tradition and this is just not a romantic age.” I don't agree at all and I'll finish with the words that best sum it up for me.

Everything I did I did for you.

Observations

With all the things going on right now this seems a strange post for a Monday morning but I was paging through an old book, saw this, and it made me smile. Too long for twitter and not right for tumblr I'll just post it here and hope it makes somebody else smile too.

“If I knew that today would be the last time I’d see you, I would hug you tight and pray the Lord be the keeper of your soul. If I knew that this would be the last time you pass through this door, I’d embrace you, kiss you, and call you back for one more. If I knew that this would be the last time I would hear your voice, I’d take hold of each word to be able to hear it over and over again. If I knew this is the last time I see you, I’d tell you I love you, and would not just assume foolishly you know it already.”

Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera

Observations from the Window 8.12

It may seem like I haven’t been writing much and this is true, it's just that there is so much bad news lately and I'm trying to keep a good mood going. I can't write about politics because I just get pissed off and go all negative as my tablet goes flying into the wall. I thought maybe I would write about what some would, and have, called a weakness of mine. It's just I have a thing for horoscopes. There I said it and i feel better already. Not that I live my life by them in any way because the gods know there isn’t the tiniest bit of truth there. I thought maybe a bit of description of a Leo woman was called for so I did some reading. You can decide for yourself.

Leo is the supposedly dramatic sign but is full of contrasts. While outwardly confident, aggressive and fearless Leos are inwardly sensitive and their feelings are easily hurt. They are the proverbial pussy cat in the lionesses' clothing. I read Leos can be playful, ambitious and loyal only to read on and see they are "quite egotistical, demanding, intolerant, domineering, lazy and stubborn." Because they hate ordinary day to day living they live life to the fullest, doing nothing the safe way, and in the end they thrive on drama.

In relationships Leos are trusting, loyal, emotional, and romantic. However they can equally become possessive and jealous if they don’t feel secure. "Always dramatic this is the sign most likely to have champagne, roses and satin sheets in their bedroom." I don't know about that, more likely beer, sunflowers, and flannel sheets. They are spontaneous adventurous lovers with a strong sex drive but their love of beauty makes them a bad judge of character and they are often disappointed. All things being equal Leo women are amongst the kinkier but a skillful partner soon learns that to be a 'good idea' something should be 'her idea' first.

"And the sign Leo is all about play, children, self expression… it is about getting in touch with your inner child. And, so it smiles brightly on the arts, all of them."

Bah it's all crap.

For the record, some of my fellow Leos: Amelia Earhart, Coco Chanel, Andy Warhol, Barack Obama, Jacqueline Kennedy, Jerry Garcia, Louis Armstrong, Madonna, Napoleon Bonaparte, Roman Polanski, Stanley Kubrick, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Alexandre Dumas, Leo Tolstoy, Mick Jagger, Claude Bragden, Bill Clinton, and Mario Bernardi.

Medina - Addiction

Observations from the Window 6.26

It's a day after the still unbelievable vote on gay marriage and the Village is a bit on the giddy side. It doesn’t hurt that it is also the end of Pride week with all the parades and dances taking place yesterday and today. With Ash out of town I really wont get to any of them but I can still feel the buzz in the air. It’s kind of funny how Ash and Chloe, my two friends most likely to actually get married, were out of town when the whole vote went down. I think I got a "what's happening" text about every five minutes Friday night.

The last couple days have been like a dream come true, even if it's a dream more for others than for myself. I still can't put into words how it felt, how it feels, maybe I never will be able to. I should admit that yes I cried and it had nothing at all to do with allergies. It was the realization that two of my best friends, along with so many others, could marry if they wanted to. It was, is, such a totally awesome feeling that I never want to forget it.

Last night I took a walk to the Stonewall Inn just to be able to say I had been there this weekend. Even 24 hours later there were crowds of people outside celebrating. The Stonewall is only a few blocks from our apartment in the West Village, possibly the gayest part of the city of New York. I'd be willing to argue it is the gayest neighborhood in the US but the folks at The Advocate magazine don't even have New York on their recent list of the top 15 gay cities in America (l). Seriously Cleveland is number 12 and no New York? What's up with that?

As I stood outside history swirled in my head. Almost 42 years to the day after the riots that led to a movement that led to Friday night's vote. The first Gay Pride march took place in New York on June 28, 1970 to mark the first anniversary of the riots with Los Angeles and Chicago holding marches the same day. I can't even imagine how many cities hold marches today. In 1999 the Stonewall and the surrounding area were designated a National Historic Landmark. During the dedication John Berry said "Let it forever be remembered that here, on this spot, men and women stood proud, they stood fast, so that we may be who we are, we may work where we will, live where we choose and love whom our hearts desire." And than came Friday night’s vote.

Damn, I think my allergies are back.

Robyn - Dancing On My Own

Sunday morning update - Marriage is for the most part a religious issue while control of marriage is primarily a state one, so as much as I would love to see it I don't honestly think the U.S. will ever have a gay marriage law in every state. What I don't understand is why we can't have a national civil union law that gives any two people all the benefits of marriage? France continues to vote down gay marriage, but has no problem with civil union. Time to 'evolve' a little bit faster.

Observations on Gay Marriage and New York

8:35 PM - It a short time the New York State Senate will in all likelihood make history. They will vote on the same sex marriage bill and it is supposed to pass with as many as 4 or 5 Republican votes. That seems like a lot but it may be true because it gives them all cover as no one Republican can be blamed for the bill's passage. Throughout the day, and before I knew the vote would happen,  I was writing thoughts down for a post but I never got around to putting it together. I decided to post what I have anyway and hopefully you can make some sense of the randomness.

Friday and another day of waiting for something, anything, to happen in Albany. Today should bring an answer one way or another but I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't. I was so hoping for a vote last night or early this morning but they quit at 11PM and left it for today. We had the champagne chilled and glasses ready but it wasn't meant to be. Personally I don't need a glass to drink champagne but I could have forced myself.

I have a busy day so I'll be glued to my phone all day. I really should apologize for the negative tone of my last couple posts. The whole thing was just getting to me and I needed to let it out somehow.

I often wondered how the Albany River Rats hockey team got their name, now I know.

The Senate session was supposed to begin at 10AM but twitter is strangely quiet and it's noon. Turns out the GOP is in conference and has been for four hours, make that five hours, now. Rumor had it they were conferencing on when to conference on the queer marriage bill. Gotta love conservatives.

And where have you gone Starchbishop Dolan?

So you see where my head was at today.

Thirty Days of Truths, Day 9

Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted ....

I really struggled with this one and I was hoping there was some mention of mulligans in the rules but I don’t see any. I ran this through my brain a couple different ways last night but never got anywhere with it. I know what it means by letting someone drift away. Friends or acquaintances that you share your life with that just slip away for no apparent reason and no matter how hard you try and stop it.

One would tend to think of high school friends first but I didn't have any close friends in high school other than on the hockey team. That was more sports related than anything else so what we shared ended with the final season. I probably could have been voted most likely to be dead or in jail before the first reunion so the only people that wanted to be my friend I didn’t want to be friends with.

College was different in many ways. I had friends and some close ones but I can’t think of any that drifted away. I tended to be hard on friends back than so I always saw the burnout coming and pretty much walked away. But my two closest friends in college are still two of my closest friends today. I lived with one when I worked at Penn State and I live with the other here in the Village.

The closest I can come to this is a girl I met a couple years ago while I was still at Penn State. It sounds funny but it really was one of those another time another place things and we both realized that. She flew off to the other coast just before I moved to the Village so we didn’t so much drift apart as fly. I talk to her a couple times a week so I suppose we are still as close as two girls on opposite coasts can be.

Now I wrote all that and I never did totally answer the question. I'm probably starting to over think these 'truths' but that may be why I originally stated this project. To see if it made me think, really to see what it made me think.

Thirty Days of Truths, Day 8

Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit ....

Well bloody hell there is no way I can get around this one. I have to be honest, one of the stories of my life seems to be that if somebody makes my life hell they don’t get to do it for long. For better or worse I have a long trail of burnt bridges in my past.

But than there is one person who I can never seem to completely erase from my mind. Maybe that bridge burned so hot it left scare tissue. When I think of her, and believe me I try not to, my emotions can run from one end of the spectrum to the other. If you have been reading you might be guessing this is the girl I should forgive and probably never will.

After dropping so many hints I suppose I should fill in some of the blanks. I met her my senior year at PSU, during the darkest period in my life. We were from the same area so after graduation we began a kind relationship that lasted off and on for years. When we met she had told me she was bi than, after three years, she met a guy and decided that she was no longer bi but straight and proceeded to tell her friends that she had no clue why she had wasted her time with me.

It finally all ended in the big mall scene where she said something that I honestly can't remember but I know included the word dyke. I totally freaked and ended up being banned from said mall for a year. Maybe not one of my prouder moments but one I just have to laugh about when I think about it. As somebody once said it was one of my better badass moments.

She emailed me not long after I moved to New York and seemed to want to talk but I wanted none of it. Not only had I burnt that bridge but I was bitter and was for a long time, I probably still am. Breaking up I could understand but I could never get passed the fact that she totally turned on me.

Thirty Days of Truths, Day 4

Something you have to forgive someone for ....

The first really hard one to talk about. Actually it's easy to answer but it is very hard to talk about. Since I started this blog I have written about almost everything in my past but this one thing and I'm not going to get into it now. A friend of mine says it is the one demon I can't let go of and she is totally right.

It involves a long term relationship I was involved in a few years ago. More precisely it involves how it ended. Suffice to say it wasn't pretty, to be honest it was probably as ugly as a breakup can be. Lies, name calling, and other sordid nastiness coming from her. On the other hand I was well behaved. Well other than the shopping mall incident where I might have loudly shouted the f word and might have been escorted out by security.

If I had to forgive somebody for something she would probably be the one. But I have never been able bring myself to do it.

Observations from the Window 10.24, Scribbles

Working on my French at the gallery today ....

Si je vous ai dit comment je me sentais,
Souhaitez-vous rire?
Souhaitez-vous pleurer?
Pourriez-vous me détestez?
Ou souhaitez-vous sourire?

Si je vous ai dit ce que je pensais,
Souhaitez-vous partir?
Souhaitez-vous rester?
Pourriez-vous me frapper?
Ou seriez-vous d'accord?

Si je vous disais ce que je voulais faire,
Pourriez-vous me repousser?
Pourriez-vous me refuser?
Pourriez-vous me refuser?
Ou voulez-vous me laisser?

Si je vous ai dit que je vous ai aimés,
Souhaitez vos parents me haïr?
Votre famille me déteste?
Pourriez-vous me détestez?
Ou voulez-vous m'aimer en retour?

Souhaitez-vous m'aimer en retour .....

Sandrine Kiberlain - La Chanteuse

Observations from the Roof, the Vendor

I had a rather eye opening day today and I seem to be back on the roof where it all started last night. After a night of chatting with the vqs I tried to get to sleep early, well early for me. For various reasons I found myself tossing in bed unable to sleep. Around four in the morning I pulled on a sweatshirt and some cutoffs and decided to go wander the neighborhood. I wandered the dark and empty streets, or what passes for dark and empty streets on a summer night in the Village.

Eventually I stopped to get an early edition Times and ended up drinking coffee and talking to the vendor. I guess he doesn’t get much company at that hour because he proceeded to give me a life update. At one point he was telling me about his daughter who lives out on the left coast and whom he hasn’t seen in years. But than he pulled out his cell phone and told me he talks to her every day.

Something about that hit a loose wire in my brain because, as he talked on, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I have been thinking about it ever since. Now I always talk about how I ‘burn bridges’ leaving people behind like so many piles of bones alongside the road of my life. Not that it has to be my way all the time, more like I find it hard to deal with life’s problems and I find it so much easier to just walk on and leave it all behind. Its why have so few really old friends and always seem to depend on my family for support.

What makes this all more intense is the fact that at the moment the friends I do have seem to be scattering to the four corners. My sister is deep into field hockey, Ash’s girl friend is off visiting family and attending a theatre seminar and one of my best friends is off in wilderness unknown hunting bears.

After a day of thinking I came to determination of sorts. I just don’t think I am any longer the loner I once was, the loner that all my life I thrived on being. Maybe part of it is living in such a totally and constantly intense environment or maybe its just I’m getting older. Maybe I’m just maturing into a more normal person after twenty eight years. Honestly I have no idea why the vendor’s story did this to me. Karma, always karma.

The only thing of any substance to come out of all this meditation is this. I have a friend I call Pitts, its short for Pittsburgh and the reason is worth a blog post all its own and maybe one day I’ll get to it. She left PSU just before me, moving to LA and a job at UCLA just before I moved to the Village. For a long time we would talk everyday but now we just don’t seem to do it as much. I guess its one of those another place and another time type stories, things would have could have been so different had i met her at another time in my life. But today I realized I don’t want her to become one of those piles of bones along the road, honestly I miss her. There are only so many tall dark arrogant bitches in the world and we have to stick together. So I called her, talked for like two hours, and until we said goodbye it seemed like we were never apart. It felt good.

Well this turned into one of the longer posts i have written but I still have to get back to my newspaper vendor. After finishing my coffee and a last smoke I decided that the nicely caffeinated muah really did need some sleep after all so I said goodbye and headed for home. Hopefully I get to talk to him again but when I finally woke I wasn’t so sure the whole episode wasn’t just a dream. Than I found a paper next to the bed and realized that it really did happen. Strangely I found these words scribbled on the paper in my handwriting. I have no idea if I saw or heard them somewhere before or they came out of my sleepless brain. Ill finish with them because they seem fitting ….

No one knows till they have it
No one cares till they lose it
No one bleeds till they live it
No one wants to admit it
No one can be without it
No one truly lives till they feel it

The journey continues.

Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm No Good

Observations from the Window 8.5

“Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license.”

With those words, and quite a few more, Judge Vaughn Walker rules unconstitutional California’s Prop 8. I have written about it off and on so I felt I had to share my final thoughts, final for now anyway. But now I find I don’t have all that much I want to say. I have talked to and seen so many happy people in the last 24 hours and the feeling of euphoria has yet to wear off so I don’t want to think to much about it. Friends, family, on TV, twitter, plurk, in the street, and in the gallery peeps in my life are just happy. It’s such a totally awesome feeling that I find it hard to describe.

I toyed with the idea of going negative because I have seen some of the most contemptible comments on wingnut blogs , comparing gay marriage to incest and the like, but again I don’t want to ruin the feeling. What I will do is pass along a quote from Newt Gingrich’s blog. "Judge Walker's ruling overturning Prop 8 is an outrageous disrespect for our Constitution and for the majority of people of the United States who believe marriage is the union of husband and wife," says Gingrich. Well honestly the man should know as he has had three wives himself. Also the tard in chief Rush Limbaugh is strangely quiet, but than he has had four wives himself. Put the two of them together and you have the makings of a Mormon tea party. I know and I’m sorry but I couldn’t resist that.

Now it may seem like there isn’t much you can do now other than cross your fingers and hope for the best in the appeals but this isn’t true at all. We need to change public opinion in this country and create a climate in which the people’s voice is hard to ignore. So the best thing to do is talk to friends, family, coworkers, or in blogs and papers, and support candidates that support equal rights. Only five states currently allow same sex marriage but others are so close to doing so, including New York.

Enjoy that feeling while it lasts, it really doesn’t get much better, but don’t rest too long because it is a long road ahead. But there actually might be a light at the end after all, for now the ruling by Vaughn Walker is the law of the land.

I want to pass along a video of Keith Olbermann’s special comment from the week after Prop 8 originally passed, he replayed it last night.

For Dad

I suppose I never mention my dad much, not nearly as much as he deserves. The quiet one of the family, just sitting back and watching as his crazy kids grow hopefully into something worthwhile. If my mom was my early inspiration my dad was the rock I leaned on. The one I go to when everything seems destined to fall apart.

I was the first, and I don’t think he wanted to wait years for ‘the kid’ to come along, so I became the pseudo jock artist at an early age. Of course I hadn’t yet thrown lesbian into that mix, even I wasn’t that young. I played all kinds of sports before settling on field hockey full time and he was always there. He was always the quiet one but always there for the games, the tournaments, and would drive me to Philly to go to a kewl sports shop for sticks.

I am a lot of things because of my dad and a few things despite him, ja try and guess that last one. I suppose that is how it is with anybody. I’m totally passionate about my sports and at times I am a voracious reader. I have been known to fish, yes fish. While my mom was taking me to New York and museums my dad was sneaking me off to Phillies games and sharing the shear sloppy joy of a cheese steak. I love to play ice hockey, skate, and I always wear hockey skates.

He bought me my first camera telling me, with a wink, that I couldn’t paint everything.

And he pushed me to get my masters when I had had just about enough and was ready to give up. Though, to be honest, I always thought he steered me into Art History because he figured I would have a better chance of getting a job and getting out of his hair.

Like I said he is always there.

Happy Father’s Day Dad

Kenny Chesney - Old Blue Chair

What can i say? One of his fav singers :)

Friends

Tonight I start my second stint at bartending and I’m drawn to an earlier post (4.10) where I said what I thought the cost was the first time around. It was physically draining though not as bad as I thought at the time. Emotionally I seem to have survived too. That leaves how hard it was on my friends. So as I think about this I can not help but think about my friends in general.

Friends, I have never in my life had many. Not including family I can count on one hand the number of people I call close friends and only two or three that I see often enough. I have a couple more in sl I would say are close to me. I trust and love all of them.

Of all of them only a couple of them go back farther than two years. They have been through my battles with me and know me like a well worn book. Than I have a very very special friend who, while not going through them, knows pretty much all of it. I love all of them dearly but these three mean so much to me.

I find it hard to make friends or, I should say, good friends. At times I find it very hard to be a trusting person. I can get totally self conscious and slide into dark moods without warning. I can be so cocky and arrogant but also be shy to the point I just want to withdraw into the corner. I can be a total social misfit.

But I want to say something to all my friends. I try my best to be honest with you, dependable, and kind. I would never intentionally lie to you or betray your friendship. I trust you completely and will always be there for you. Not a day goes by I don’t look forward to seeing you. I would do anything for you, maybe even bail you out of jail this time.

“A friend is somebody that knows all about you and loves you just the same.”
Elbert Hubbard

Sounds about right

It's time for 'Peanut' to get back to work ....

tuneage, Radiohead - Creep

Lesbian Love

I can’t believe I, of all people, am writing this. I have only ever had a couple of serious relationships in my life, the last ending brutally years ago. But two of my best friends are deeply in love and this came up in a conversation a couple nights ago. Why do some people insist on calling it ‘lesbian love’? It is love between two people no different than any other. It just happens to be two women that are in love. Of course I had to ponder this as I sit in the window, it’s what I do.

It being two women it does get a bit tricky I guess. People might assume because it is two women love is so much easier. They might assume two women would have similar likes and dislikes whether socially, intellectually, emotionally, or for that matter sexually. If you are one who thinks this is true let me say this, you totally have no idea how wrong you are. Just dealing with this assumption is enough to push a girl's sanity to the brink.

All you know is that they are two women in love. After that all bets are off.

Some women are more emotional than others and some are emotional but just hide it. But not all women are as understanding, motherly, or caring as others. Some women thrive being the center of attention and some are just born antisocial. Some just like to sit in a bar and watch sports, I might know her.

And the funniest thing of all is the theory that because both women get PMS and the hormonal craziness they are going to handle it better. Oh My God! Just because both get these things, even know when it is going to happen, doesn’t mean they will cope with it any better. Imagine two of us having it at the same time. There isn’t better proof that a women doesn’t choose to be gay.

And what about sex? Sorry I’m so not even touching that. Say the words ‘lesbian love’ and where will a guys mind turn? Exactly.

So ‘lesbian love’, is it better because it’s two women? Is it really such a different thing? Two women’s hearts, minds, and very souls decide they need to be together. But that is love, period. Not just love between women.

It’s a constant work in progress just like life itself.

tuneage, Train - Soul Sister