Sometimes I get caught in my own world and forget that I am also part of various larger communities. I am a woman, I am an artist, and I am gay. I read as much as I can, keeping up with whatever news I find important or interesting, but still I missed something outright terrible happening during the last few weeks. I only know now because of a random tweet I saw and had to look into. “All these gay suicides this week. So much waste in the name of small-minded hatred. Please, reach out. I promise we are listening” said the tweet.
What I found was so disturbing I almost screamed ….
Two weeks ago Bill Lucas, 15, after another day of bullying during which he was told he should kill himself, went home and hanged himself in his grandmother’s barn. A Facebook page set up to remember him includes classmates’ comments making fun of the way he died and calling him anti-gay slurs.
A week ago Seth Walsh, 13, hanged himself from a tree in his backyard after years of anti-gay bullying. And last Wednesday Asher Brown, also 13, came out to his father in the morning, went to school where he had long been bullied for being gay, than returned home and shot himself. It both cases school administrators knew of the bullying but didn’t do a thing to stop it.
The final one I had seen on the news but didn’t know the circumstances. Also last Wednesday Tyler Clementi, 18, jumped off the George Washington Bridge. The Rutgers freshman had been caught on hidden cams having sex with another male student. Two other students posted these videos online. Both have been arrested and could spend up to five years in jail.
Of the estimated 5,000 teen suicides a year one third are gay which means a gay teen is 300 percent more likely to kill them self than a straight teen. The fear of losing friends, be kicked out of their home, and a society that makes them feel as if something is wrong with them all must take a toll. I have no clue and don’t pretend to know what the answer is, or for that matter what the question should be. I just know it’s such a waste, such a god damned waste.
I’m just thankful I had such supportive parents and I can never say how much that meant to me. It’s one of the few things I can’t put into words.
Please read ….
“There are several things that can help reduce the suicide risk factors for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth. All of us can make a commitment to making the environment a safer place for them. Heterosexuals who read this can do a lot. Stop laughing at or ignoring the bigoted jokes and insults that are frequently made about sexual and gender minorities. Go a step further and confront those who make these remarks, telling them that you do not find them appropriate. Additionally, you can continue your own education about all sorts of people who are different than you, including sexual and gender minorities. Open your mind and your heart further. Communicate your caring to those around you. Support the struggles of this population to obtain the same basic civil rights you have, the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Paul Cody, PhD, UNH Counseling Center
And watch ….
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Observations from my Bed 9.29
(Consider yourself warned, what follows is my deciphering of some mad 3AM scribbles.)
Is three am late at night or is it early in the morning? It doesn’t really matter at all when your mind won’t let you sleep, just falling into one of those tired but wired moods. After looking at some photos I took earlier today I find I can’t stop thinking.
It was just a little photo job, some portfolio shots for a girl, I had fun and even got paid. But now I can’t get some idiotic thoughts out of my head. Lately I have been so totally immersed in my photography that I haven’t painted, or even thought about painting, at all. I know photography is an art, and a photographer is an artist in every sense of the word, but it just doesn’t have the same feel to me.
It is just so different from painting and not just the instant gratification aspect of it. When I paint a part of my brain takes over that sees things nobody else sees. A photo merely records what anybody can see given the same circumstances and time. In a painting I totally lose myself in a world of colors and emotions, sometimes losing myself for days at a time. When I take a photo I don’t come close to that feeling at all.
What has me thinking is this nagging fear that I am starting to lose that world, lose my ability to dive into it whenever I want. In so many ways that world is my ‘real’ world, the place I can lose myself, the place that I am happiest (other than a full Beaver Stadium on a Saturday night), and at times I just feel like it is all suddenly slipping away. So much is going on in my life that I may need that place more than ever but I can’t seem find it. It is as if I am standing in front of a locked door, reach for the key I always carried, and find it isn’t there.
(Hey, I did warn you.)
Danko Jones - Cadillac
Is three am late at night or is it early in the morning? It doesn’t really matter at all when your mind won’t let you sleep, just falling into one of those tired but wired moods. After looking at some photos I took earlier today I find I can’t stop thinking.
It was just a little photo job, some portfolio shots for a girl, I had fun and even got paid. But now I can’t get some idiotic thoughts out of my head. Lately I have been so totally immersed in my photography that I haven’t painted, or even thought about painting, at all. I know photography is an art, and a photographer is an artist in every sense of the word, but it just doesn’t have the same feel to me.
It is just so different from painting and not just the instant gratification aspect of it. When I paint a part of my brain takes over that sees things nobody else sees. A photo merely records what anybody can see given the same circumstances and time. In a painting I totally lose myself in a world of colors and emotions, sometimes losing myself for days at a time. When I take a photo I don’t come close to that feeling at all.
What has me thinking is this nagging fear that I am starting to lose that world, lose my ability to dive into it whenever I want. In so many ways that world is my ‘real’ world, the place I can lose myself, the place that I am happiest (other than a full Beaver Stadium on a Saturday night), and at times I just feel like it is all suddenly slipping away. So much is going on in my life that I may need that place more than ever but I can’t seem find it. It is as if I am standing in front of a locked door, reach for the key I always carried, and find it isn’t there.
(Hey, I did warn you.)
Danko Jones - Cadillac
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Observations from the Roof 9.25, on Movies I Love
After the Phillies game last night I was up on the roof talking to my neighbor just enjoying the warm night and a few too many beers. The conversation turned to our favorite movies, the ones we know by heart or feel like we can’t do without. Sara’s list was dominated by comedy where mine is way too serious and filled with things that go boom. I'm not sure at all what that says about me, than again I do but I'm not going to say.
So here you go, in no particular order, my list of twenty movies I would want on that proverbial desert island. These are the ones I go back to again and again yet never seem to get enough of. Some of them I do know by heart and some I have certain scenes that I can play over and over. For the record a series counts as one movie. That way I get to take more movies to Kaui, I mean that desert island. I can be awfully sneaky like that but who is going to count?
“Casablanca”, “Rachel Getting Married”, “Lord of the Rings” trilogy (“Return of the King” is the best), “The Matrix” trilogy (the original “Matrix” is the best), “Underworld” both I & II, “Kill Bill” both I & II, “Out At The Wedding”, “”Domino”, “The Hurt Locker”, “Pulp Fiction”, “Gladiator” (makes it on the ‘My name is Gladiator’ scene alone), “Curse of the Golden Flower”, “Almost Famous”, “Dazed and Confused”, “Animal House”, “Bound”, “Kissing Jessica Stein”, “Amour de Femme” (“Love of Women”), “Zwartboek” (The Black Book”), and finally “South Pacific” (yeah I know but one of my mom’s favs and filmed on Kaui).
This is just a list pretty much made off the top of my head so I know I probably missed something I love but these will do just fine. I love movies and when I am at home I have them going in the background almost as much as I do music. So, like a list of fav music, this list could change over night. Also, back in February I did a list of the ten tunes I couldn’t do without so here is a link if you want to check it out (l).
Sick Puppies - Maybe (accoustic)
So here you go, in no particular order, my list of twenty movies I would want on that proverbial desert island. These are the ones I go back to again and again yet never seem to get enough of. Some of them I do know by heart and some I have certain scenes that I can play over and over. For the record a series counts as one movie. That way I get to take more movies to Kaui, I mean that desert island. I can be awfully sneaky like that but who is going to count?
“Casablanca”, “Rachel Getting Married”, “Lord of the Rings” trilogy (“Return of the King” is the best), “The Matrix” trilogy (the original “Matrix” is the best), “Underworld” both I & II, “Kill Bill” both I & II, “Out At The Wedding”, “”Domino”, “The Hurt Locker”, “Pulp Fiction”, “Gladiator” (makes it on the ‘My name is Gladiator’ scene alone), “Curse of the Golden Flower”, “Almost Famous”, “Dazed and Confused”, “Animal House”, “Bound”, “Kissing Jessica Stein”, “Amour de Femme” (“Love of Women”), “Zwartboek” (The Black Book”), and finally “South Pacific” (yeah I know but one of my mom’s favs and filmed on Kaui).
This is just a list pretty much made off the top of my head so I know I probably missed something I love but these will do just fine. I love movies and when I am at home I have them going in the background almost as much as I do music. So, like a list of fav music, this list could change over night. Also, back in February I did a list of the ten tunes I couldn’t do without so here is a link if you want to check it out (l).
Sick Puppies - Maybe (accoustic)
Friday, September 24, 2010
Observations from the Window 9.24
With my Phillies taking a break last night I found myself sitting on the roof as a simply stunning full moon hung over the city. It was 80 degrees at 9 PM on the first day of fall. I have no idea what, if anything, this means but I do know it was a strange feeling. Waiting for, expecting, even needing that change of seasons but being thrown back into summer with a cold beer in my hand. Thank the gods I didn’t spill it.
But my Phils are amazing aren’t they? A three game sweep of the Atlanta Braves finds them with a 6 game lead and on the brink of a fourth straight division title. It is as if they got to September, a month in which they their record is 15-3 so far, and flipped the turbo switch. With three ace pitchers who are seemingly unbeatable, their best record in twenty years, and 119 straight sellouts at home they are making a serious run at a third straight World Series. I have grown used to this October baseball thing and just love wearing my Phillies jersey in New York.
I know my being such a big sports fan seems bit bizarre. But I look at it this way, I’ll make somebody a totally awesome husband one day.
It is a love that goes way back and I always blame my dad for it. But it is also an escape, an escape for my brain so it doesn’t constantly dwell on the problems of the world and our supposed leaders unwillingness or inability to deal with any of them. It seems to me that sometimes the people of this country just want to hide in the past. A past that isn’t coming back and in fact never really existed in the first place. They want Oz and the Wizard and all they got was Bush and Iraq. Some just want it all but don’t want to give anything in return. They act as if there is no cost to bear but at the end of the night the tab has to be paid. Whether emotionally, physically, or financially the bill will be paid one day and god help us all when it comes due.
But there I go off on a tangent yet again.
Phillies/Mets tonight, the countdown continues.
Incubus - Nice To Know You
But my Phils are amazing aren’t they? A three game sweep of the Atlanta Braves finds them with a 6 game lead and on the brink of a fourth straight division title. It is as if they got to September, a month in which they their record is 15-3 so far, and flipped the turbo switch. With three ace pitchers who are seemingly unbeatable, their best record in twenty years, and 119 straight sellouts at home they are making a serious run at a third straight World Series. I have grown used to this October baseball thing and just love wearing my Phillies jersey in New York.
I know my being such a big sports fan seems bit bizarre. But I look at it this way, I’ll make somebody a totally awesome husband one day.
It is a love that goes way back and I always blame my dad for it. But it is also an escape, an escape for my brain so it doesn’t constantly dwell on the problems of the world and our supposed leaders unwillingness or inability to deal with any of them. It seems to me that sometimes the people of this country just want to hide in the past. A past that isn’t coming back and in fact never really existed in the first place. They want Oz and the Wizard and all they got was Bush and Iraq. Some just want it all but don’t want to give anything in return. They act as if there is no cost to bear but at the end of the night the tab has to be paid. Whether emotionally, physically, or financially the bill will be paid one day and god help us all when it comes due.
But there I go off on a tangent yet again.
Phillies/Mets tonight, the countdown continues.
Incubus - Nice To Know You
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Observations from the Edge 9.21.2
If you have read any of this blog before you can probably tell that I can be cynical to the extreme at times and it seems to get worse with every passing day. But after doing some thinking and reading tonight I thought I would add to my previous post (l). Surprisingly my thoughts have a slightly more positive tone now. I wrote that post in the library just after the Senate vote that killed for now the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ and showed the world how down right hateful and ugly the GOP can be. That in itself is something positive, they can’t pretend to support the troops anymore when they are willing to hold them hostage to there homophobia. Let the world see them for what they are.
It was also nice to see all the rallying around each other that people did whether in twitter, Facebook, or just through email or talking. Yes talking, that old-fashioned form of communication I shy away from.
Than there is John McCain who said after the vote “This is a blatant political ploy in order to try to galvanize the political base of the other side which is faced with losing an election.” I have to agree with part of that statement. Hopefully the Democratic base was galvanized some today but it wasn’t by any blatant political ploy. It was by seeing what the future holds if we allow ignorant bastards like you to run this country again. And I should add there was a time I liked you some.
And finally there is Lady Gaga speaking at a rally in Maine. Ill just let her words speak for themselves ….
“….I am here today because I would like to propose a new law; a law that sends home the soldier that has the problem. Our new law is called "if you don't like it, go home." A law that discharges the soldier with the issue, the law that discharges the soldier with the real problem, the homophobic soldier that has the real negative effect on unit cohesion. A law that sends home the homophobe, a law that sends home the prejudiced. A law that doesn't prosecute the gay soldier who fights for equality with no problem, but prosecutes the straight soldier who fights against it. Or perhaps that was a bit spun. ... To be fair, it sends home the straight soldier who fights for some freedoms, for some equalities, but not for the equality of the gay ….”
Full Lady Gaga speech on CNN
It was also nice to see all the rallying around each other that people did whether in twitter, Facebook, or just through email or talking. Yes talking, that old-fashioned form of communication I shy away from.
Than there is John McCain who said after the vote “This is a blatant political ploy in order to try to galvanize the political base of the other side which is faced with losing an election.” I have to agree with part of that statement. Hopefully the Democratic base was galvanized some today but it wasn’t by any blatant political ploy. It was by seeing what the future holds if we allow ignorant bastards like you to run this country again. And I should add there was a time I liked you some.
And finally there is Lady Gaga speaking at a rally in Maine. Ill just let her words speak for themselves ….
“….I am here today because I would like to propose a new law; a law that sends home the soldier that has the problem. Our new law is called "if you don't like it, go home." A law that discharges the soldier with the issue, the law that discharges the soldier with the real problem, the homophobic soldier that has the real negative effect on unit cohesion. A law that sends home the homophobe, a law that sends home the prejudiced. A law that doesn't prosecute the gay soldier who fights for equality with no problem, but prosecutes the straight soldier who fights against it. Or perhaps that was a bit spun. ... To be fair, it sends home the straight soldier who fights for some freedoms, for some equalities, but not for the equality of the gay ….”
Full Lady Gaga speech on CNN
Observations from the Edge 9.21
You knew it had to happen soon, my venting political side just had to raise its head on this one. In a 56-43 vote earlier today Senate Democrats failed to stop a Republican filibuster on the 2011 National Defense Authorization Act, the first time since 1952 that the bill failed to pass. Now the lockstep nazified Republicans will tell you that it wasn’t because of the amendment that would have repealed ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ but rather a matter of Senate procedure. I honestly can’t believe they can stand there and say with a straight face that it was a matter of Senate procedure. What bullshit.
I cant even say that it was that it was done to once again punish President Obama because the man has been strangely quiet on the issue. So much for campaign promises. Thankfully Vice President Joe Biden tries to keep his. So that leaves only a couple of options. Either the Republicans truly hate gays or they have all been drinking that tea flavored kool aid in the backroom.
I just wanted to write something quick so ill just say one more thing. One day these 43 Senators will have their final hour and when they do I hope each and every one of them can look themselves in the mirror and make peace with themselves. Tell themselves they truly voted their conscience and didn't hold the entire US Military hostage to their damn ignorance and fears. Than I hope they have a fun hot ride down the escalator ....
Alexander (R-TN), Barrasso (R-WY), Bennett (R-UT), Bond (R-MO), Brown (R-MA), Brownback (R-KS), Bunning(R-KY), Burr (R-NC), Chambliss (R-GA), Coburn (R-OK), Cochran (R-MS), Collins (R-ME), Corker (R-TN), Cornyn (R-TX), Crapo (R-ID), DeMint (R-SC), Ensign (R-NV), Enzi (R-WY), Graham (R-SC). Grassley (R-IA), Gregg (R-NH), Hatch (R-UT), Hutchison (R-TX), Inhofe (R-OK), Isakson (R-GA), Johanns (R-NE), Kyl (R-AZ), LeMieux (R-FL), Lincoln (D-AR), Lugar (R-IN), McCain (R-AZ), McConnell (R-KY), Pryor (D-AR), Reid (D-NV), Risch (R-ID), Roberts (R-KS), Sessions (R-AL), Shelby (R-AL), Snowe (R-ME), Thune (R-SD), Vitter (R-LA), Voinovich (R-OH), Wicker (R-MS)
And a special salute to one tard who couldn’t even vote. Sorry you lost in your primary to a wingnut but jesus do your job! Than I guess Alaskan politicians tend not to finish what they start. Murkowski (R-AK)
I'll finish with my fav tweet of the day which says it all,
@Shoq Dear Republican Party: Fuck you
Monday, September 20, 2010
Observations from the Window 9.20
I am a dreamer and I always have been. I guess you could say the down side of that is I am never satisfied because I just never seem to be totally happy with where I am. From the first time my mom took me to New York I dreamed of living here. I could have moved here years ago but I think I was smart in leaving fate decide the when of the move. I’m not sure if I would have survived, both mentally and physically, if I had moved right out of college like Ash did. The girl just amazes me sometimes, the way she seems to own this city and thrives in it. I am not saying it is something I would want for myself, I’m perfectly content to sit in the window and take it all in. But it still impresses the hell out of me.
I knew this time of year would be a big test for me because it was always my favorite time of year in the mountains. I enjoyed the start of a new school year and with it the cool air, blaze of color, and the return of football. Hell I have already made two trips back and we aren’t even through September yet. But one thing I wasn’t at all prepared for was the hold the mountains still have on me, the overwhelming desire to stay. With my brother in his final semester, my job gone, and my friends moving away I just didn’t see this desire coming or think it would. So there must be something deeper than football that keeps pulling at me. It is an almost spiritual feeling, I think coming from the fact that I was happy there even in my darkest days. But that is just totally too deep to think about on a Monday morning.
So now I find myself living in New York but dreaming yet again. I dream of the mountains and see the first color splashed across the trees. But even more than that I now find myself dreaming of Paris. It isn’t a new dream at all, it’s had me sporadically working on my French for years, but it seems to occupy more and more of my thoughts. I have a strange wandering soul that always seems to be in search of something, some purpose in life, some reason. I suppose everybody has that to a certain degree. That desire to write a lasting novel, find a cure for cancer, or change the world for the better.
I can not remember a moment in my life when I didn’t want to be an artist and that was always enough. It was and is who I am and the last time I saw her I promised my mom I would never let go of that dream. But sometimes I dwell on the fact that I survived and if I survived there must be a reason for it. I don’t ever see myself painting my ‘A Starry Night’ running around the Village so now Paris has become my holy grail of sorts. And, as with everything in my maniacal life, I have no idea why.
One thing I do know is I don’t think I will leave it up to fate this time.
Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
I knew this time of year would be a big test for me because it was always my favorite time of year in the mountains. I enjoyed the start of a new school year and with it the cool air, blaze of color, and the return of football. Hell I have already made two trips back and we aren’t even through September yet. But one thing I wasn’t at all prepared for was the hold the mountains still have on me, the overwhelming desire to stay. With my brother in his final semester, my job gone, and my friends moving away I just didn’t see this desire coming or think it would. So there must be something deeper than football that keeps pulling at me. It is an almost spiritual feeling, I think coming from the fact that I was happy there even in my darkest days. But that is just totally too deep to think about on a Monday morning.
So now I find myself living in New York but dreaming yet again. I dream of the mountains and see the first color splashed across the trees. But even more than that I now find myself dreaming of Paris. It isn’t a new dream at all, it’s had me sporadically working on my French for years, but it seems to occupy more and more of my thoughts. I have a strange wandering soul that always seems to be in search of something, some purpose in life, some reason. I suppose everybody has that to a certain degree. That desire to write a lasting novel, find a cure for cancer, or change the world for the better.
I can not remember a moment in my life when I didn’t want to be an artist and that was always enough. It was and is who I am and the last time I saw her I promised my mom I would never let go of that dream. But sometimes I dwell on the fact that I survived and if I survived there must be a reason for it. I don’t ever see myself painting my ‘A Starry Night’ running around the Village so now Paris has become my holy grail of sorts. And, as with everything in my maniacal life, I have no idea why.
One thing I do know is I don’t think I will leave it up to fate this time.
Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Observations from Paternoville 9.18
Probably a little bit of inner idiocy on my part, because in a bit more than a day ill have spent eight hours on the road only to find myself at work at the gallery, but I made a solo run out to Penn State for the game today. It was a last minute thing because my brother called and said he had a ticket if I wanted it and I have never been one to turn down a free ticket to most anything. It was a gorgeous top down run across the interstate, so cool I needed a sweatshirt under my leather jacket, but my hair was a knotty mess when I pulled into the parking lot. Than again I was told I looked like I had spent the night in Paternoville so it was all kewl.
Paternoville. I have only spent one night in Paternoville, to many years ago. On the other hand my brother spent almost a week there once before a big Ohio State game a couple years ago. So what is the point? To start you get first crack at the student section seats in Beaver Stadium. The student section holds 20,000 seats but it is first come first served so if you want to be down near the field Paternoville is the best place to start. Plus it’s one hell of a party, but I wouldn’t know about that, just something I have been told. And JoePa himself has been known to stop by and bring food with him too!
I have to admit that as much as I debate where my home is this place seems more like it than any other. I moved away after spending most of ten years here but it just seems to keep pulling me back. It’s as if it owns a part of my soul. My dad made me a sports fan but PSU turned me into a fanatic. You can’t imagine a Penn State football game until you have been to one. Over a hundred thousand people cramming the stadium, the 83 year old JoePa back on the sidelines, the atmosphere just grabs you and won’t let go. Paterno first joined the PSU coaching staff as an assistant in 1950, 60 years ago. Since than the team record is 500-178-7, today was number 500.
I finished the day checking out the women’s volleyball team in Rec Hall. And yes, damnit, I watched the game. The volleyball team has won three consecutive national titles and was undefeated in all three years. The women’s soccer team has won eleven consecutive Big Ten titles. Altogether Penn State teams have won 37 NCAA national championships. And now everything is in place to add Div I men’s and women’s ice hockey. It’s my effing sports heaven is what it is.
But in the morning I will climb into Foxy and drive away yet again.
Sometimes I just wonder.
John Mayer - Waiting On The World To Change
Paternoville. I have only spent one night in Paternoville, to many years ago. On the other hand my brother spent almost a week there once before a big Ohio State game a couple years ago. So what is the point? To start you get first crack at the student section seats in Beaver Stadium. The student section holds 20,000 seats but it is first come first served so if you want to be down near the field Paternoville is the best place to start. Plus it’s one hell of a party, but I wouldn’t know about that, just something I have been told. And JoePa himself has been known to stop by and bring food with him too!
I have to admit that as much as I debate where my home is this place seems more like it than any other. I moved away after spending most of ten years here but it just seems to keep pulling me back. It’s as if it owns a part of my soul. My dad made me a sports fan but PSU turned me into a fanatic. You can’t imagine a Penn State football game until you have been to one. Over a hundred thousand people cramming the stadium, the 83 year old JoePa back on the sidelines, the atmosphere just grabs you and won’t let go. Paterno first joined the PSU coaching staff as an assistant in 1950, 60 years ago. Since than the team record is 500-178-7, today was number 500.
I finished the day checking out the women’s volleyball team in Rec Hall. And yes, damnit, I watched the game. The volleyball team has won three consecutive national titles and was undefeated in all three years. The women’s soccer team has won eleven consecutive Big Ten titles. Altogether Penn State teams have won 37 NCAA national championships. And now everything is in place to add Div I men’s and women’s ice hockey. It’s my effing sports heaven is what it is.
But in the morning I will climb into Foxy and drive away yet again.
Sometimes I just wonder.
John Mayer - Waiting On The World To Change
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Obswervations on Art 9.16
Last week was Fashion Week in New York with 300 collections shown over the eight days. I’m not a big follower of fashion style because black is black, leather is leather, and that pretty much describe my fashion sense but I bring it up because it coincided with the beginning of the art show season in New York. It is as if the art world goes into a summer doldrums of sorts every year which it came out in a marathon of openings last week. The trend continued this week with ArtCat listing 64 openings for just today.
I was offhandedly invited to an opening tonight at the Rick Wester Fine Art gallery in Chelsea. I almost didn’t go because the weather turned terrible late in the day but in the end I decided to go and was glad I did.
The show is titled “Untold Stories” and is a collection of photos by the photographer Jonathan Smith. I haven’t gone to many photography shows but more and more I seem to be turning to my photography as my main artistic outlet. I do want to paint in the worst way but to be brutally honest photography offers the immediate gratification that I sometimes seem to crave.
Smith’s work is in color which I shy away from. I love the subtle shades and contrasts b&w photography offers but I was pleasantly surprised at what I found at the show. Smith’s photos are drenched in deep dark intense color and they seem to almost drip with color as if they were a wet painting. I don’t know how he does it but it is something I might have to experiment with and figure out.
I’ll leave you with two links. The first is a slideshow of the photos in the show. The second is a photo I found on Smith’s website that I totally like.
slideshow
photo
The journey continues
I was offhandedly invited to an opening tonight at the Rick Wester Fine Art gallery in Chelsea. I almost didn’t go because the weather turned terrible late in the day but in the end I decided to go and was glad I did.
The show is titled “Untold Stories” and is a collection of photos by the photographer Jonathan Smith. I haven’t gone to many photography shows but more and more I seem to be turning to my photography as my main artistic outlet. I do want to paint in the worst way but to be brutally honest photography offers the immediate gratification that I sometimes seem to crave.
Smith’s work is in color which I shy away from. I love the subtle shades and contrasts b&w photography offers but I was pleasantly surprised at what I found at the show. Smith’s photos are drenched in deep dark intense color and they seem to almost drip with color as if they were a wet painting. I don’t know how he does it but it is something I might have to experiment with and figure out.
I’ll leave you with two links. The first is a slideshow of the photos in the show. The second is a photo I found on Smith’s website that I totally like.
slideshow
photo
The journey continues
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Observations from the Library 9.15
Just going to do a little tune review for you because basically I want to do it all. I want this to be your one stop dark lesbian, artsie, geek, sports blog with liberal political undertones. Seriously yesterday Linkin Park’s new CD “A Thousand Suns” was released and I think it is so totally awesome I have to tell you about if. Now I always have been a fan of LP but more of their earlier releases which is something this reminds of.
I downloaded it this morning and have had it playing since. Everything I read about it calls it a departure from previous LP sets and that they expect legions of fans to leave because of it. I don’t see why because to me the undertone of it is more like “Hybrid Theory” than anything that has come since. It is more a synthetic album than anything they have done and I think this is where the bad reviews are coming from so maybe I’m just getting my impressions from the lyrics.
Taken as a whole the CD seems almost to be a vision of the apocalypse as Linkin Park sees it, maybe this is why i like it so much. The songs run through a cycle of pride, destruction, and regret and finish in two awesome tunes from opposite ends of the musical spectrum. ‘The Catalyst’ is classic LP lyrically but has the sound of a futuristic rave. It is a song about government of the poor and needy of the world. It is followed by the hauntingly beautiful ‘The Messenger’, a story of hope. I’ll pass along the lyrics and a vid that I got from the Linkin Park website ….
“When you feel you're alone, cut off from this cruel world
Your instincts telling you to run,
Listen to your heart, Those angel voices
They'll sing to you, they'll be your guide back home.
When life leaves us blind, Love keeps us kind, it keeps us kind,
When you've suffered enough, and your spirit is breaking
You're growing desperate from the fight,
Remember you're loved and you always will be
This melody will bring you right back home …. ‘
The Messenger
(The video is a remix but is the only thing i could find)
I suppose I should have added the words obsessive and addictive to yesterday's list.
I downloaded it this morning and have had it playing since. Everything I read about it calls it a departure from previous LP sets and that they expect legions of fans to leave because of it. I don’t see why because to me the undertone of it is more like “Hybrid Theory” than anything that has come since. It is more a synthetic album than anything they have done and I think this is where the bad reviews are coming from so maybe I’m just getting my impressions from the lyrics.
Taken as a whole the CD seems almost to be a vision of the apocalypse as Linkin Park sees it, maybe this is why i like it so much. The songs run through a cycle of pride, destruction, and regret and finish in two awesome tunes from opposite ends of the musical spectrum. ‘The Catalyst’ is classic LP lyrically but has the sound of a futuristic rave. It is a song about government of the poor and needy of the world. It is followed by the hauntingly beautiful ‘The Messenger’, a story of hope. I’ll pass along the lyrics and a vid that I got from the Linkin Park website ….
“When you feel you're alone, cut off from this cruel world
Your instincts telling you to run,
Listen to your heart, Those angel voices
They'll sing to you, they'll be your guide back home.
When life leaves us blind, Love keeps us kind, it keeps us kind,
When you've suffered enough, and your spirit is breaking
You're growing desperate from the fight,
Remember you're loved and you always will be
This melody will bring you right back home …. ‘
The Messenger
(The video is a remix but is the only thing i could find)
I suppose I should have added the words obsessive and addictive to yesterday's list.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Observations from the Window 9.14
I have been told by more than one person that my ass barely moves when I walk. That my legs are too long, my boobs are too small, that I am skinny, and that I am too tall. Than I look in the mirror and think ‘meh fuck them.”
Words that I would use to describe myself to myself include arrogant, romantic, sexy, passionate, apprehensive, rebellious, zealous, dark, and lustful. Yeah, ask anybody, I’m always lustful to a fault.
I love to read but don’t do it nearly enough anymore. There was a time I would read a book or two a week and I still do when I hit on something I really like but it doesn’t happen as much as it once did. This past spring and early summer I read Stieg Larsson’s ‘The Girl with the Dragoon Tattoo’ trilogy at the same time a friend was and we talked about them all the time. I really enjoyed that.
I think, in the right proportions, a woman’s body is the most beautiful thing the gods put on this earth. Than again have I ever mentioned I have been gay since the get go?
I am totally addicted to the web and between my Droid and my comps I am never really away from it. Conversely I almost never watch TV now because it just totally bores me. Olbermann, Rachel, and sports are about all I watch with any regularity. I never even watched the final season of ‘24’. Sometimes I do hit on something new I like though, most recently ‘Whale Wars’.
If I could visit anywhere it would be Rome, live anywhere it would be Paris, and make love anywhere it would be on Kee Beach on the north shore of Kaui.
One thing I am totally passionate about is music. I think any artist has an art other than their own that they are impassioned with and mine is music. I love any music from classical to Wagner to rock, metal, and reggae. I shy away from rap and hip hop and pretend any I do like, such as Eminem’s recent CD, is something totally diff. Hey it’s my life and I’ll call it whatever I want. For the record I do not know, nor do I care, what ambient house is.
I have been to the Jersey shore almost every year of my life but I have never met Snookie. I have never met anybody that looks, talks, or thinks like Snookie. I hope to live a long life and never, ever, meet a Snookie.
To loosely quote Churchill I am an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, surrounded by mystery. I can be your best friend or your worst nightmare.
I am what I am :)
Kings of Leon - Radioactive
Words that I would use to describe myself to myself include arrogant, romantic, sexy, passionate, apprehensive, rebellious, zealous, dark, and lustful. Yeah, ask anybody, I’m always lustful to a fault.
I love to read but don’t do it nearly enough anymore. There was a time I would read a book or two a week and I still do when I hit on something I really like but it doesn’t happen as much as it once did. This past spring and early summer I read Stieg Larsson’s ‘The Girl with the Dragoon Tattoo’ trilogy at the same time a friend was and we talked about them all the time. I really enjoyed that.
I think, in the right proportions, a woman’s body is the most beautiful thing the gods put on this earth. Than again have I ever mentioned I have been gay since the get go?
I am totally addicted to the web and between my Droid and my comps I am never really away from it. Conversely I almost never watch TV now because it just totally bores me. Olbermann, Rachel, and sports are about all I watch with any regularity. I never even watched the final season of ‘24’. Sometimes I do hit on something new I like though, most recently ‘Whale Wars’.
If I could visit anywhere it would be Rome, live anywhere it would be Paris, and make love anywhere it would be on Kee Beach on the north shore of Kaui.
One thing I am totally passionate about is music. I think any artist has an art other than their own that they are impassioned with and mine is music. I love any music from classical to Wagner to rock, metal, and reggae. I shy away from rap and hip hop and pretend any I do like, such as Eminem’s recent CD, is something totally diff. Hey it’s my life and I’ll call it whatever I want. For the record I do not know, nor do I care, what ambient house is.
I have been to the Jersey shore almost every year of my life but I have never met Snookie. I have never met anybody that looks, talks, or thinks like Snookie. I hope to live a long life and never, ever, meet a Snookie.
To loosely quote Churchill I am an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, surrounded by mystery. I can be your best friend or your worst nightmare.
I am what I am :)
Kings of Leon - Radioactive
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Observations from the Window 9.12
I started writing this on a dreary rainy Sunday afternoon, opening Sunday of the NFL season. I was already full prepared to announce my opinion that my Eagles suck but upon further review, and an almost miraculous comeback, I will hold my opinion for at least another week.
I haven’t been writing nearly as much as I was but there are reasons for that. As I have said before I have had a lot on my mind most of which is off-limits to my blog, off limits for no other reason than I say so and it is after all my blog. Yes some things in my life continue to be personal. What was a very good run ran into a roller coaster and combined to create a bit of an emo end to the week. It got to the point that I thought the gods were indeed angry. That the gods were, for lack of a better term, fucking with me. I also think they found it in their collective hearts to apologize and so dropped that most awesome pic on me that I used in the previous post. Hopefully they have moved on to greener pastures. The three stooges of American politics (Beck, Gingrich, and Palin) would be a good place to start.
To top the emo off on Saturday PSU sports ran into a perfect storm of misfortune. Not only did the football team lose to Alabama 24-3 but the vaunted three consecutive national champion women’s volleyball team also lost. This doesn’t seem like a big deal until I tell you they had won 109 consecutive matches dating back to Sept. 15, 2007 when they lost to the same Stanford team that beat them Saturday. The nationally ranked women’s soccer and field hockey teams both had already fallen Friday. Add to that the Phillies losing to the Mets on Saturday and the Eagles debacle today and you have a sports weekend from hell.
But than Saturday, after watching the Penn State game, I spent a late evening with a good friend of mine. She always finds a way to cheer me up no matter how down I feel. I always appreciate that and probably don’t tell her that nearly enough. I guess that’s what really good friends are truly all about. When you are down they pick you up, dust you off, and send you back into your life a little better prepared for whatever the gods throw your way. When you up they enjoy it with you and never take credit for it even though a lot of credit is there due.
Life goes on
Paper Tongues - Ride To California
I haven’t been writing nearly as much as I was but there are reasons for that. As I have said before I have had a lot on my mind most of which is off-limits to my blog, off limits for no other reason than I say so and it is after all my blog. Yes some things in my life continue to be personal. What was a very good run ran into a roller coaster and combined to create a bit of an emo end to the week. It got to the point that I thought the gods were indeed angry. That the gods were, for lack of a better term, fucking with me. I also think they found it in their collective hearts to apologize and so dropped that most awesome pic on me that I used in the previous post. Hopefully they have moved on to greener pastures. The three stooges of American politics (Beck, Gingrich, and Palin) would be a good place to start.
To top the emo off on Saturday PSU sports ran into a perfect storm of misfortune. Not only did the football team lose to Alabama 24-3 but the vaunted three consecutive national champion women’s volleyball team also lost. This doesn’t seem like a big deal until I tell you they had won 109 consecutive matches dating back to Sept. 15, 2007 when they lost to the same Stanford team that beat them Saturday. The nationally ranked women’s soccer and field hockey teams both had already fallen Friday. Add to that the Phillies losing to the Mets on Saturday and the Eagles debacle today and you have a sports weekend from hell.
But than Saturday, after watching the Penn State game, I spent a late evening with a good friend of mine. She always finds a way to cheer me up no matter how down I feel. I always appreciate that and probably don’t tell her that nearly enough. I guess that’s what really good friends are truly all about. When you are down they pick you up, dust you off, and send you back into your life a little better prepared for whatever the gods throw your way. When you up they enjoy it with you and never take credit for it even though a lot of credit is there due.
Life goes on
Paper Tongues - Ride To California
Observations from my Bed 9.12
I don’t normally post photos in this blog but I found this one on a tumblr site that just is so totally a look into my mind that I had to share it. From top to bottom I think I have finally found my long lost twin sister. The hair, skin, pants, hands, and yes the ass are all so me, I just wish I had taken the shot. Why the hell didn’t I think of it! Oh and I can’t forget the word, karma ….
Yes karma
Linkin Park - The CatalystTuesday, September 7, 2010
Observations from the Window 9.7
And so Labor Day, and with it the unofficial end of summer, is past. I suppose I can say I ended it with a flourish, careening around between the Hamptons, the Village, and my mountains. It was totally a good time, spending time with Ash and seeing my brother. But it’s a strange feeling watching summer fade into fall from the perspective of the city. One of my fav things of fall was sitting in the mountains awash in every color imaginable. I have this deep fear that this fall will be dominated by grays and browns not the shades of red, orange, and yellow that I am used to. Amber and apricot, carmine and rose, but now brown and gray, I suppose I will survive this moment too.
I have been told that in some of my recent posts I have seemed to be deep in thought. I think I have said before that my life cycles seem to begin and end at this time of year. It’s a very thought provoking time of year for me, especially when change is in the air.
Sometimes I stare out the window and don’t see a thing. I stare through all the streets, the buildings, and over the bay to the foggy horizon beyond. My mind in a mysterious deep thought in which I think about everything and yet nothing at all. Life’s emotions swirl around in my mind in colors unknown to any canvas. It’s a zone very close to the way I feel when I paint but rarely do I come to any profound decisions. I just end up shaking my head and smiling to myself.
But I really have had a good run going here. A good couple of weeks topped off by an awesome Labor Day weekend in the mountains. Today I got to spend some time working at the library which is something I always enjoy for the peace and quiet. It was just another good day that got even better late in the afternoon when I received an email from my friend who is also going through some changes in her life. I won’t go into detail but it was totally awesome news. At dinner I did exactly what I told her I would and drank the biggest frosted mug of beer I could find for her. I’m just so proud of that girl.
And finally the day comes to an end. As the stars begin their late summer early fall realignment I got more good news, this from my sporting world. As I write this my beloved Phillies find themselves alone in first place for the first time since May 30th. I think that calls for another beer.
Life is indeed good right now.
30 seconds to Mars - Closer to the Edge
I have been told that in some of my recent posts I have seemed to be deep in thought. I think I have said before that my life cycles seem to begin and end at this time of year. It’s a very thought provoking time of year for me, especially when change is in the air.
Sometimes I stare out the window and don’t see a thing. I stare through all the streets, the buildings, and over the bay to the foggy horizon beyond. My mind in a mysterious deep thought in which I think about everything and yet nothing at all. Life’s emotions swirl around in my mind in colors unknown to any canvas. It’s a zone very close to the way I feel when I paint but rarely do I come to any profound decisions. I just end up shaking my head and smiling to myself.
But I really have had a good run going here. A good couple of weeks topped off by an awesome Labor Day weekend in the mountains. Today I got to spend some time working at the library which is something I always enjoy for the peace and quiet. It was just another good day that got even better late in the afternoon when I received an email from my friend who is also going through some changes in her life. I won’t go into detail but it was totally awesome news. At dinner I did exactly what I told her I would and drank the biggest frosted mug of beer I could find for her. I’m just so proud of that girl.
And finally the day comes to an end. As the stars begin their late summer early fall realignment I got more good news, this from my sporting world. As I write this my beloved Phillies find themselves alone in first place for the first time since May 30th. I think that calls for another beer.
Life is indeed good right now.
30 seconds to Mars - Closer to the Edge
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Observations from Paternoville 9.4
(disclaimer – the following post may contain thoughts that originated in a mind under the influence of intoxicants. KT)
There is nothing quite like opening day of football season at Penn State. The now fifty year old Beaver Stadium packed with 110,000 fans making it the second largest stadium in the nation. But on opening day the fun begins much sooner. Dawn finds my brother’s ‘tailgate chili’ beginning to simmer in the pot and the first of the beer chilling on ice.
But this day had all the makings of something special. My tenth in a row it dawned in stunning fashion with simply gorgeous weather. I have been to opening days when it was hot, days when it rained, and days you wished it would rain but never a day quite like this one. Calendar be damned it was a picture perfect early fall day in the mountains.
Tailgating starts not long after the sun rises over Nittany Mountain with the first of an endless line of cars and rvs pulling into the lots augmented by throngs of cooler toting students who have no tickets, and probably want no tickets, who will disappear to the bars and their apartments just before kickoff. Forget any diet you might be on because every kind of meat you can think of is grilling somewhere on the parking lot. And anything, I mean anything, you would want to drink is here too.
Adding to all this on opening day is the fact that all of these fans have spent the last 247 days thinking, dreaming, and planning for this day. Yes we are Penn State and yes we are that sick. The opening day opponent is normally a cake team (Penn State beat Youngstown State 44-14) so the morning takes on the feel of celebration of the beginning of a new season with JoePa. But now, in the back of your mind, you are always wondering if it will be his last.
In a new tradition I managed to stay relatively sober until kickoff. I felt just a little weird, almost as an outsider looking in for the first time. On the other hand Ash, at her first opening day since she graduated, almost repeated her last time here where she passed out before kickoff. Seems once you are a vq you find it hard to get up at dawn and party instead of doing the opposite. I found that just too funny.
Since the day I moved to the Village I have often pondered what or where I consider my home. I have moved around so much in the last few years that I sometimes feel lost. Banished from the student section of the stadium for the first time the beginning of the game found me looking down into the screaming mass of humanity. Just before kickoff my brother muttered two words. “Welcome home.” I never asked who he was talking to or what he meant by it ….
I just smiled knowingly =)
Useless info ….
The Nittany Lion mascot, well actually the student who wears the costume, was suspended for the first four games of the season after being cited for public drunkenness and underage drinking. The cheerleader, who shall remain nameless, was selected after the previous was kept from attending the Rose Bowl game as the mascot after being charged with DUI.
In a related note Penn State is ranked #3 in the 2011 Princeton Review party school rankings. Sadly that is a two place drop from their 2010 ranking. I think it is just a coincidence that I moved away during this time.
Finally, from a PSU - OSU game in 2008, the best game opening ever
JoePa
...........
a little update from the Sunday Philadelphia Inquirer
Final stand for Penn State's Paterno?
There is nothing quite like opening day of football season at Penn State. The now fifty year old Beaver Stadium packed with 110,000 fans making it the second largest stadium in the nation. But on opening day the fun begins much sooner. Dawn finds my brother’s ‘tailgate chili’ beginning to simmer in the pot and the first of the beer chilling on ice.
But this day had all the makings of something special. My tenth in a row it dawned in stunning fashion with simply gorgeous weather. I have been to opening days when it was hot, days when it rained, and days you wished it would rain but never a day quite like this one. Calendar be damned it was a picture perfect early fall day in the mountains.
Tailgating starts not long after the sun rises over Nittany Mountain with the first of an endless line of cars and rvs pulling into the lots augmented by throngs of cooler toting students who have no tickets, and probably want no tickets, who will disappear to the bars and their apartments just before kickoff. Forget any diet you might be on because every kind of meat you can think of is grilling somewhere on the parking lot. And anything, I mean anything, you would want to drink is here too.
Adding to all this on opening day is the fact that all of these fans have spent the last 247 days thinking, dreaming, and planning for this day. Yes we are Penn State and yes we are that sick. The opening day opponent is normally a cake team (Penn State beat Youngstown State 44-14) so the morning takes on the feel of celebration of the beginning of a new season with JoePa. But now, in the back of your mind, you are always wondering if it will be his last.
In a new tradition I managed to stay relatively sober until kickoff. I felt just a little weird, almost as an outsider looking in for the first time. On the other hand Ash, at her first opening day since she graduated, almost repeated her last time here where she passed out before kickoff. Seems once you are a vq you find it hard to get up at dawn and party instead of doing the opposite. I found that just too funny.
Since the day I moved to the Village I have often pondered what or where I consider my home. I have moved around so much in the last few years that I sometimes feel lost. Banished from the student section of the stadium for the first time the beginning of the game found me looking down into the screaming mass of humanity. Just before kickoff my brother muttered two words. “Welcome home.” I never asked who he was talking to or what he meant by it ….
I just smiled knowingly =)
Useless info ….
The Nittany Lion mascot, well actually the student who wears the costume, was suspended for the first four games of the season after being cited for public drunkenness and underage drinking. The cheerleader, who shall remain nameless, was selected after the previous was kept from attending the Rose Bowl game as the mascot after being charged with DUI.
In a related note Penn State is ranked #3 in the 2011 Princeton Review party school rankings. Sadly that is a two place drop from their 2010 ranking. I think it is just a coincidence that I moved away during this time.
Finally, from a PSU - OSU game in 2008, the best game opening ever
JoePa
...........
a little update from the Sunday Philadelphia Inquirer
Final stand for Penn State's Paterno?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Observations from the Library 9.2
I started this blog over just over nine months and 150 posts ago and the original plan was a mix between the worlds of Katie and Kaycee but it never quite worked out that way. There are probably many reasons for that but I can put my finger on at least one. One of my Twitter contacts is called iTweetArt which is a constant line of quotes by artists and about art. Yesterday I saw this quote, “I am my own experiment. I am my own work of art.” It is a quote from Madonna and I bring it up because it says in a simpler way what I have been trying to explain for a long time now.
I first started Second Life in 2007 as a form of therapy, a way to run away from freshly burnt bridges and to stay off the doctor’s couch. With the help of some very good friends and one muse I met along the way it succeeded phenomenally well. I stayed off the couch and saved my dad a load of money. At times I have let my very emo side take over in ways i never would in real life and, in so doing, managed to bury some demons so deep that hopefully I never see them again.
In the process Kaycee became as much a part of Katie as anything else in my life. I have heard somebody say the name Kaycee in real life, answered, and promptly turned as red as a fresh beet. The strands of my two lives mingle through twitter, plurk, flickr, and tumblr. Kaycee or KC or Nightfire have become my pseudo pen names. She is quite literally a part of, and a sort of extension of, my art. The Madonna quote hit a nerve because I so completely understand it and at a certain level I relate to it.
I have seen many friends and acquaintances come and go in sl, it just goes with the territory I suppose. I have been told again and again that I myself will leave sooner or later. When you take that job at Penn State, when you move to the Village, or when you meet somebody in real life you will go. But I always seem to prove them wrong. At times I think I will be the one to turn out all the lights, say goodbye, and close the door behind me because to leave Kaycee behind would be like leaving a part of me behind too. I’ve been down that road before and don’t really want to go down there again.
This is something I have rolled through my empty brain for what seems like forever. I just hope it makes some sense and I am not just heading for that doctor’s couch anyway.
The Greek philosopher Heraclitus said “Everything flows, nothing stands still.” That seems as good a way as any to end this because I’m rambling and have to end somehow.
Pearl Jam - Just Breathe
I first started Second Life in 2007 as a form of therapy, a way to run away from freshly burnt bridges and to stay off the doctor’s couch. With the help of some very good friends and one muse I met along the way it succeeded phenomenally well. I stayed off the couch and saved my dad a load of money. At times I have let my very emo side take over in ways i never would in real life and, in so doing, managed to bury some demons so deep that hopefully I never see them again.
In the process Kaycee became as much a part of Katie as anything else in my life. I have heard somebody say the name Kaycee in real life, answered, and promptly turned as red as a fresh beet. The strands of my two lives mingle through twitter, plurk, flickr, and tumblr. Kaycee or KC or Nightfire have become my pseudo pen names. She is quite literally a part of, and a sort of extension of, my art. The Madonna quote hit a nerve because I so completely understand it and at a certain level I relate to it.
I have seen many friends and acquaintances come and go in sl, it just goes with the territory I suppose. I have been told again and again that I myself will leave sooner or later. When you take that job at Penn State, when you move to the Village, or when you meet somebody in real life you will go. But I always seem to prove them wrong. At times I think I will be the one to turn out all the lights, say goodbye, and close the door behind me because to leave Kaycee behind would be like leaving a part of me behind too. I’ve been down that road before and don’t really want to go down there again.
This is something I have rolled through my empty brain for what seems like forever. I just hope it makes some sense and I am not just heading for that doctor’s couch anyway.
The Greek philosopher Heraclitus said “Everything flows, nothing stands still.” That seems as good a way as any to end this because I’m rambling and have to end somehow.
Pearl Jam - Just Breathe
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