(4-29) Darkness falls later and later in the Village every night. After last night’s bright full moon an overcast sky makes it hard to see anything above the city but the flickering lights of jets heading who knows where.
Did you ever come to a point in your life, a seminal moment maybe, where paths seem to lead off in every direction? Leaving you standing alone in the crossroads wondering which path is the one to take. Standing there knowing deep down in your heart that each one leads to vastly divergent futures. One path leading to happiness, one to possible fame and glory, and another possibly the path back to hell. You have no idea which is which as the sun passes farther and farther below the horizon.
The night gets darker and darker, the darkness itself beginning to swallow you as you stand there alone, still wondering.
(4-30) As of now I don’t know which path to follow but I think it’s time to start figuring it out. A combination of a beautiful night and slight glow down one path tells me a road trip is called for. So tomorrow I think I’ll set off to reconnect with some roots. Meet up with Sean, Court, who I haven’t seen since I moved, and maybe a little walk in my mountains.
I have some projects going I need to finish up. Ash still tries to convince me that I should be her partner in her little art buying and selling endeavor. A week at the beach house not that far away, with Fred’s once again calling my name. Time is slowly running out on my chance to go back to State and JoePa. It seems an interesting summer lies ahead. Once again I have a major decision to make and once again I have no effing clue what I will do. But I think a dawn run to the mountains is called for.
But I do know one thing. This fucked up life of mine is one hell of a ride.
'you can’t quit until you try, you can’t live until you die
you can’t learn to tell the truth, until you learn to lie ....'
tuneage, Sixx AM - Life is Beautiful
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Login Failed
It changes so fast. One minute chatting to a friend the next pounding on the door to get in. You have something you need to say, something you need to do. But the door is closed tight.
Would the gods let you know?
Would they give you a sign?
Login failed
Fall asleep in the window, the moon burning bright. Wake up the moon is gone and the streets are dark. It’s light passing as always over you to shine on some new place.
Would the gods tell you to run away or stay?
Would they tell you it would be alright?
Login failed
Sitting alone, gazing into the now dark empty street below. You wonder what happened and why. Looking for a sign but everything outside is so dark and quiet.
Would you know or would the gods have to tell you?
Would they explain why?
Login failed
Everything seems to crumble around you as you sit staring. Everything you knew, everything you had, everything you wanted fading away into the night as you sit staring blankly, unable to stop it.
Would you know when it was time?
Would you?
Login failed
Login failed ….
tuneage
Would the gods let you know?
Would they give you a sign?
Login failed
Fall asleep in the window, the moon burning bright. Wake up the moon is gone and the streets are dark. It’s light passing as always over you to shine on some new place.
Would the gods tell you to run away or stay?
Would they tell you it would be alright?
Login failed
Sitting alone, gazing into the now dark empty street below. You wonder what happened and why. Looking for a sign but everything outside is so dark and quiet.
Would you know or would the gods have to tell you?
Would they explain why?
Login failed
Everything seems to crumble around you as you sit staring. Everything you knew, everything you had, everything you wanted fading away into the night as you sit staring blankly, unable to stop it.
Would you know when it was time?
Would you?
Login failed
Login failed ….
tuneage
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Observations from the Window 4.28
It’s just stunning sitting in the window watching a full moon rise over the city. You don’t often see much of the night sky in this city. No stars just neon and the glow of street lights. But a full moon cant be missed, so out of place, so beautiful.
But just a day after reading away my night in the window, I find myself pondering one of the peculiar parts of my personality. It just seems to be a total contradiction in my brain. I often call myself anti social and I am. I can put on a good show when I want to but in the end I’m just as happy or happier being left alone to observe life as it rolls by. At the same time I absolutely thrive on attention.
I’m always afraid of missing something and constantly surf my sites. Who is on, who is off, when, where, what, why? I speed my Droid through Plurk and twitter just incase. I read art sites passionately. Ash says I need a sign that says ‘it sold for what!?!’
I also call myself a Luddite but I own three computers, a Droid, and am shopping for a new laptop. I have, at last count, six email addresses, two flickr accounts, a tumblr, a plurk, and a tweeter account. And obviously you know I have a blog. Sometimes my head spins out of control just to keep up with it all. And sometimes I just know too much for my own damn good, information always being a two edged sword for me. I need to know and at the same time not. I need to be the center and the periphery. I need to be everything and nothing at all. Maybe being an anti social luddite isn’t such a bad thing in the end.
I am your worst social nightmare. The black clad artsie geek vampire queen sitting in the corner booth dazed in the glow of her LCD screen.
What a bitch.
tuneage, HIM - In Joy And Sorrow
But just a day after reading away my night in the window, I find myself pondering one of the peculiar parts of my personality. It just seems to be a total contradiction in my brain. I often call myself anti social and I am. I can put on a good show when I want to but in the end I’m just as happy or happier being left alone to observe life as it rolls by. At the same time I absolutely thrive on attention.
I’m always afraid of missing something and constantly surf my sites. Who is on, who is off, when, where, what, why? I speed my Droid through Plurk and twitter just incase. I read art sites passionately. Ash says I need a sign that says ‘it sold for what!?!’
I also call myself a Luddite but I own three computers, a Droid, and am shopping for a new laptop. I have, at last count, six email addresses, two flickr accounts, a tumblr, a plurk, and a tweeter account. And obviously you know I have a blog. Sometimes my head spins out of control just to keep up with it all. And sometimes I just know too much for my own damn good, information always being a two edged sword for me. I need to know and at the same time not. I need to be the center and the periphery. I need to be everything and nothing at all. Maybe being an anti social luddite isn’t such a bad thing in the end.
I am your worst social nightmare. The black clad artsie geek vampire queen sitting in the corner booth dazed in the glow of her LCD screen.
What a bitch.
tuneage, HIM - In Joy And Sorrow
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The Run
I woke up late for me on a Saturday morning, late that is for morning that I had been to bed before sunrise. Running across the street for a paper I was struck by the utterly gorgeous morning. Even the city air smelled fresh for a change and a plan hatched in my tired brain. I didn’t have to be at the gallery till noon, I had time.
The Run was born.
Pulling on a leather jacket I grabbed my keys and headed for Foxy. As I started the engine I rolled down the windows and popped in a fav Linkin Park CD. I backed out of my space and smiled at the security guard who was probably not expecting me to move an inch.
Heading out of the garage I made my way to Sixth Avenue and headed north. Now traffic on a Saturday morning isn’t as bad as it is the rest of the week. Just an extra dose of tourista buses to deal with. So I quickly made my way past Radio City Music Hall and drew a bead on Central Park which I intended to completely circle. I drove passed the brownstones and luxury apartments of ‘Gossip Girl’ fame, dodged the limos, and made my way around the north side of the park. Than south down the east side where i avoided the famous horse drawn carriages, the urban Amish of New York if you will. As I finished my run around the park I slid through Columbus Circle and headed Foxy south on Broadway.
Tunes were totally blaring by now as I weaved my way around assorted loons, cabbies, buses, and one mounted police officer. As I sped up on my way south I prayed to any gods who would listen that the horse couldn’t read a radar gun. I raised my middle finger in salute as I passed Madison Square Garden, home of the long hated Rangers of the NHL. Finally straight on through NYU, which was filled with swarms of students out enjoying the warm sun. This was the only point of the run where I found it difficult to keep my eyes on the road. A quick left took me around Washington Square Park, passed my apartment, and back to the garage.
Till I parked Foxy again it was about an hour of pure ecstasy. It reminded me of something my bartender buddy had said the night before. In between bands Led Zeppelin's 'Khasmir' came on the sound system. She looked at me and said 'listening to this song is as good as sex.' I know that feeling.
I know my dad would totally kill me so I’m hoping he doesn’t read this. But just incase ….
Love ya Dad!
tuneage, Linkin Park - Faint
The Run was born.
Pulling on a leather jacket I grabbed my keys and headed for Foxy. As I started the engine I rolled down the windows and popped in a fav Linkin Park CD. I backed out of my space and smiled at the security guard who was probably not expecting me to move an inch.
Heading out of the garage I made my way to Sixth Avenue and headed north. Now traffic on a Saturday morning isn’t as bad as it is the rest of the week. Just an extra dose of tourista buses to deal with. So I quickly made my way past Radio City Music Hall and drew a bead on Central Park which I intended to completely circle. I drove passed the brownstones and luxury apartments of ‘Gossip Girl’ fame, dodged the limos, and made my way around the north side of the park. Than south down the east side where i avoided the famous horse drawn carriages, the urban Amish of New York if you will. As I finished my run around the park I slid through Columbus Circle and headed Foxy south on Broadway.
Tunes were totally blaring by now as I weaved my way around assorted loons, cabbies, buses, and one mounted police officer. As I sped up on my way south I prayed to any gods who would listen that the horse couldn’t read a radar gun. I raised my middle finger in salute as I passed Madison Square Garden, home of the long hated Rangers of the NHL. Finally straight on through NYU, which was filled with swarms of students out enjoying the warm sun. This was the only point of the run where I found it difficult to keep my eyes on the road. A quick left took me around Washington Square Park, passed my apartment, and back to the garage.
Till I parked Foxy again it was about an hour of pure ecstasy. It reminded me of something my bartender buddy had said the night before. In between bands Led Zeppelin's 'Khasmir' came on the sound system. She looked at me and said 'listening to this song is as good as sex.' I know that feeling.
I know my dad would totally kill me so I’m hoping he doesn’t read this. But just incase ….
Love ya Dad!
tuneage, Linkin Park - Faint
Friday, April 23, 2010
Observations from the Gallery
A crowd of hundreds showed up in Chelsea this morning, protesting at the hearing on proposed limits on the number of art vendors allowed in the four major parks in the city. Personally I wanted to go but I didn’t make it because I couldn’t drag my sorry ass out of bed. Than again maybe I’m just turning into one of those typical cynical New Yorkers. I figure all bets are on the cupcakes anyway.
Sometimes Stephen Colbert just rocks. Just sayin.
I now own a copy of Avatar. I figure now I can die in peace and quiet because nobody will be asking why I didn’t see it yet. Put it on my grave marker ‘damnit I did see Avatar now leave me in peace!’
USA Today celebrated Earth Day 2010 by publishing a special insert for Thursday’s paper. Does this mean trees just don’t count on Earth Day?
There is a show on Logo called ‘Exes and Ohs’ that somehow managed to slip under my well oiled radar. I stumbled on it at the gallery today. A kind of younger, funnier, less serious ‘L World’, it’s based on the short film ‘The Ten Rules: A Lesbian Survival Guide’. It’s worth a look.
For the record the changes in vendor rules would limit Central Park to 49 vendors, Union Square to 18, Battery Park to 9, and High Line to 5. Five? I mean seriously it's huge, why bother with any at all.
The Urban Dictionary defines village idiot as 'a total dumbass'.
If this is the Village I'm nominating Mayor Bloomberg for idiot. Just sayin.
tuneage, Within Temptation - Utopia
Sometimes Stephen Colbert just rocks. Just sayin.
I now own a copy of Avatar. I figure now I can die in peace and quiet because nobody will be asking why I didn’t see it yet. Put it on my grave marker ‘damnit I did see Avatar now leave me in peace!’
USA Today celebrated Earth Day 2010 by publishing a special insert for Thursday’s paper. Does this mean trees just don’t count on Earth Day?
There is a show on Logo called ‘Exes and Ohs’ that somehow managed to slip under my well oiled radar. I stumbled on it at the gallery today. A kind of younger, funnier, less serious ‘L World’, it’s based on the short film ‘The Ten Rules: A Lesbian Survival Guide’. It’s worth a look.
For the record the changes in vendor rules would limit Central Park to 49 vendors, Union Square to 18, Battery Park to 9, and High Line to 5. Five? I mean seriously it's huge, why bother with any at all.
The Urban Dictionary defines village idiot as 'a total dumbass'.
If this is the Village I'm nominating Mayor Bloomberg for idiot. Just sayin.
tuneage, Within Temptation - Utopia
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The Great Art War
Walk through any of the parks in New York and you will find one thing in common. They are lined with art vendors selling everything from books to paintings and photos. A colorful and dynamic gallery in a city known for its arts. Now the city administration says the vendors are out of control and wants to limit the number of vendors by as much as 80%. The new rules would affect Central Park, Union Square, Battery Park, and the High Line Park. Amazingly they are smart enough to leave Washington Square alone or risk starting an outright rebellion in the Village.
The city has tried to limit vendors for years. The administration of the great art fan Rudy Giuliani sought to require permits for all art vendors. A federal appeals court sided with the artists and said they were protected by the First Amendment and The U.S. Supreme Court declined to hear the city's appeal.
Now in an editorial the New York Daily News calls the vendors ‘freeloaders who assert the right to sell what they want, where they want, on the grounds that they're expressing themselves.’ And in an op-ed piece in The New York Times ex-councilman Edward Wallace went so far as to say some vendors may be selling stolen goods, ‘An army of book sellers set up tables along Fifth Avenue, blocking the sidewalks, collecting no sales tax and paying no property tax, and in some instances selling stolen goods.’ In fact vendors are required to have and display a tax id under current regulations.
Eerily, while all this is going on, the Parks Department granted Cake&Shake a permit to sell gourmet cupcakes in front the Metropolitan Museum, an area that has been off limits to most food vendors. In return, Cake&Shake will pay $108,000 to the city. The cupcake vendor also will pay $27,000 for a spot in Washington Square Park. We are talking $5 cupcakes in my park, I hate cupcakes. Yesterday I saw a poster for sale where the said cupcakes will soon reside. An old wild west style poster that said simply ''Wanted: Killer of NYC Artists' Rights.'
Maybe Robert Lederman says its best, Lederman is president of A.R.T.I.S.T. (Artists' Response To Illegal State Tactics). He wrote ….
'To the editor,
Mike BloomberBloomberg is a hypocrite on art and an art elitist.
He wants to let Christo wrap all of Central Park in giant swaths of yellow fabric, yet at the same time his lawyers are before the Second Circuit Federal Court of Appeals trying to prevent a handful of painters, printmakers, photographers and sculptors from displaying art around Central Park .
He cut City funding to arts institutions that help low-income artists while continuing to fund David Rockefeller's Museum of Modern Art renovation.
He donates millions to arts organizations which are fronts for the City's wealthiest corporate interests while having First Amendment protected street artists' displays crushed in garbage trucks.
Mike Bloomberg made his billions as part of the media, but he seems to have zero tolerance for the rights of artists.'
And so The Great Art War of 2010 begins. Stay tuned.
A.R.T.I.S.T. video
The city has tried to limit vendors for years. The administration of the great art fan Rudy Giuliani sought to require permits for all art vendors. A federal appeals court sided with the artists and said they were protected by the First Amendment and The U.S. Supreme Court declined to hear the city's appeal.
Now in an editorial the New York Daily News calls the vendors ‘freeloaders who assert the right to sell what they want, where they want, on the grounds that they're expressing themselves.’ And in an op-ed piece in The New York Times ex-councilman Edward Wallace went so far as to say some vendors may be selling stolen goods, ‘An army of book sellers set up tables along Fifth Avenue, blocking the sidewalks, collecting no sales tax and paying no property tax, and in some instances selling stolen goods.’ In fact vendors are required to have and display a tax id under current regulations.
Eerily, while all this is going on, the Parks Department granted Cake&Shake a permit to sell gourmet cupcakes in front the Metropolitan Museum, an area that has been off limits to most food vendors. In return, Cake&Shake will pay $108,000 to the city. The cupcake vendor also will pay $27,000 for a spot in Washington Square Park. We are talking $5 cupcakes in my park, I hate cupcakes. Yesterday I saw a poster for sale where the said cupcakes will soon reside. An old wild west style poster that said simply ''Wanted: Killer of NYC Artists' Rights.'
Maybe Robert Lederman says its best, Lederman is president of A.R.T.I.S.T. (Artists' Response To Illegal State Tactics). He wrote ….
'To the editor,
Mike BloomberBloomberg is a hypocrite on art and an art elitist.
He wants to let Christo wrap all of Central Park in giant swaths of yellow fabric, yet at the same time his lawyers are before the Second Circuit Federal Court of Appeals trying to prevent a handful of painters, printmakers, photographers and sculptors from displaying art around Central Park .
He cut City funding to arts institutions that help low-income artists while continuing to fund David Rockefeller's Museum of Modern Art renovation.
He donates millions to arts organizations which are fronts for the City's wealthiest corporate interests while having First Amendment protected street artists' displays crushed in garbage trucks.
Mike Bloomberg made his billions as part of the media, but he seems to have zero tolerance for the rights of artists.'
And so The Great Art War of 2010 begins. Stay tuned.
A.R.T.I.S.T. video
Monday, April 19, 2010
Observations from the Window 4.19
So I’m sitting in my window still waiting on that sunscreen vendor. Guy is selling t-shirts now, rip-off Yankees hats and t-shirts. Come on Phillies fan here, don’t make me sick. I know it’s just spring and not summer but I want to see sunscreen out there. My fear is he is going to skip right to those little plastic minifans and I’ll have to get my sunscreen elsewhere. I don’t do Walmart. Oh but wait, there is no Walmart!
I check on Foxy everyday but I have yet to drive her in the city. I start her little engine and listen to a tune than leave her again. I’m thinking the security guards are thinking I’m a bit insane. Well ….
Ever watch ‘Mythbusters’? That show is so totally kewl. So I guess I must be a closet science geek now.
I guess I’ll have to go out and buy ‘Avatar’ on Thursday so I’m no longer one of the few humans who have never seen the movie. And I quit hearing ‘you never saw it?’ I can’t believe some stores are opening at midnight just to sell one movie!
I did some wandering today and ended up at Battery Park at the very tip of Manhattan. It has a more touristy and less artsie feel than my home park, Washington Square, but the setting is simply stunning. Looking out at the bay and the Statue of Liberty with the buildings of Wall Street behind you, even on a Monday its filled with art vendors and street performers. It seems like the beginning and the end of the world all at the same time.
You just have to look out and wonder.
tuneage, AFI - Beautiful Thieves
I check on Foxy everyday but I have yet to drive her in the city. I start her little engine and listen to a tune than leave her again. I’m thinking the security guards are thinking I’m a bit insane. Well ….
Ever watch ‘Mythbusters’? That show is so totally kewl. So I guess I must be a closet science geek now.
I guess I’ll have to go out and buy ‘Avatar’ on Thursday so I’m no longer one of the few humans who have never seen the movie. And I quit hearing ‘you never saw it?’ I can’t believe some stores are opening at midnight just to sell one movie!
I did some wandering today and ended up at Battery Park at the very tip of Manhattan. It has a more touristy and less artsie feel than my home park, Washington Square, but the setting is simply stunning. Looking out at the bay and the Statue of Liberty with the buildings of Wall Street behind you, even on a Monday its filled with art vendors and street performers. It seems like the beginning and the end of the world all at the same time.
You just have to look out and wonder.
tuneage, AFI - Beautiful Thieves
Saturday, April 17, 2010
the Kid
‘The Kid’ turned 22 today. My brother, my best friend, the one who knows all the secrets and where the bodies are hidden. The best brother a gurl could ever want. If I didn’t have to work I would have taken a road trip to State College just to say hi. So I texted him a happy birthday and got back ‘happy cinco de mayo’. Huh? Than I was informed of an all day party to celebrate cinco de mayo, correct date be damned.
Yup that’s my brother.
Known only as 'the kid' to a select few, like me.
When I think of him growing up, and up, only a few moments stand out. One was when he was playing goalie in a soccer game. An opposing player streaked down the sideline on a breakaway. The kid slid out and kicked the ball away but in the process tripped the player who went head first into the goal post with a very audible clang. As the other player lay bleeding, sorry you know head wounds, my dad worried how the kid would take it. The kid proceeded to jog over for a drink and all he said was ‘damn did you hear that?’
Yup that’s my brother.
Another is the fact that I have only ever seen him cry twice. The first was when my mom passed away and he was a pall bearer at her funeral. He didn't have to do it but he wanted to do it. The other was last fall when we were at the last Penn State home football game of the year. The kid is a senior there. You have to understand us totally weirded out PSU football fans to understand the tears. But I understood.
The Kid
Through the years he has stood by me no matter what. Through good times and bad he has always been there supporting me, consoling me, giving me a hug when I needed it, and a lecture when I needed that. At times he has been my guardian and at others my savior.
So here is wishing the kid a very happy Cinco de Mayo. Sorry I wasn't there for it. I love you, I miss you, and i hope I see you soon.
the Kid's type of tuneage, Coheed and Cambria - The Running Free
Yup that’s my brother.
Known only as 'the kid' to a select few, like me.
When I think of him growing up, and up, only a few moments stand out. One was when he was playing goalie in a soccer game. An opposing player streaked down the sideline on a breakaway. The kid slid out and kicked the ball away but in the process tripped the player who went head first into the goal post with a very audible clang. As the other player lay bleeding, sorry you know head wounds, my dad worried how the kid would take it. The kid proceeded to jog over for a drink and all he said was ‘damn did you hear that?’
Yup that’s my brother.
Another is the fact that I have only ever seen him cry twice. The first was when my mom passed away and he was a pall bearer at her funeral. He didn't have to do it but he wanted to do it. The other was last fall when we were at the last Penn State home football game of the year. The kid is a senior there. You have to understand us totally weirded out PSU football fans to understand the tears. But I understood.
The Kid
Through the years he has stood by me no matter what. Through good times and bad he has always been there supporting me, consoling me, giving me a hug when I needed it, and a lecture when I needed that. At times he has been my guardian and at others my savior.
So here is wishing the kid a very happy Cinco de Mayo. Sorry I wasn't there for it. I love you, I miss you, and i hope I see you soon.
the Kid's type of tuneage, Coheed and Cambria - The Running Free
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Observations from the Window 4.15
I’m sitting in the window indulging my passion for Philly sports, NY teams be damned. Luckily the Flyers playoff game is on cable because I guess I have to get used to not watching the Phils. Hell I’m going to miss that, their best start in years and i can't watch. At the same time I'm catching up on some reading too.
So than I ran across a column on drug addiction that just pissed me off. I know I have mentioned my addictive personality before. My drug probs and trip to rehab, all water under the blog bridge I guess. But something in this just grabbed me by the throat and shook me a bit. This is the exact quote ….
‘Most people who take up drug addiction ….’
Huh? Or to be more precise, WTF ?? Take up drug addiction. How can anybody in their right mind say something like that? Yeah take up drug addiction, like you take up knitting or fishing.
I didn’t want to ‘take up’ something that stole a month of my life. Stole that time so completely that at times I can’t remember any of it at all. From a trip to the shore, to driving my car into a ditch, and than landing in rehab, most of a summer of my life gone forever. And the thing is the addiction is never totally gone. Not really. Some people think you can cheat, just once, one line can’t hurt. But it’s not like that at all. One line could send me back into that dark pit, that little corner of hell I was in, and this time I might not climb out. So I guess I live with that till the day I die.
So ‘take it up’?? What the hell are you thinking?
For the record the Urban Dictionary defines cocaine as "A drug that is so important that you lie to the people that you love and steal from the people that trust you." Sounds about right.
I guess I’m just rambling here. Pissed off by a written line. I’m not sure but I think this is why I started this blog in the first place. Sometimes I just need to ramble, vent, and blow off some steam so my brain doesn’t implode.
Life goes on
'.... I only want you to see
My favorite part of me
And not my ugly side
Not my ugly side ....'
tuneage, Blue October - Ugly Side
So than I ran across a column on drug addiction that just pissed me off. I know I have mentioned my addictive personality before. My drug probs and trip to rehab, all water under the blog bridge I guess. But something in this just grabbed me by the throat and shook me a bit. This is the exact quote ….
‘Most people who take up drug addiction ….’
Huh? Or to be more precise, WTF ?? Take up drug addiction. How can anybody in their right mind say something like that? Yeah take up drug addiction, like you take up knitting or fishing.
I didn’t want to ‘take up’ something that stole a month of my life. Stole that time so completely that at times I can’t remember any of it at all. From a trip to the shore, to driving my car into a ditch, and than landing in rehab, most of a summer of my life gone forever. And the thing is the addiction is never totally gone. Not really. Some people think you can cheat, just once, one line can’t hurt. But it’s not like that at all. One line could send me back into that dark pit, that little corner of hell I was in, and this time I might not climb out. So I guess I live with that till the day I die.
So ‘take it up’?? What the hell are you thinking?
For the record the Urban Dictionary defines cocaine as "A drug that is so important that you lie to the people that you love and steal from the people that trust you." Sounds about right.
I guess I’m just rambling here. Pissed off by a written line. I’m not sure but I think this is why I started this blog in the first place. Sometimes I just need to ramble, vent, and blow off some steam so my brain doesn’t implode.
Life goes on
'.... I only want you to see
My favorite part of me
And not my ugly side
Not my ugly side ....'
tuneage, Blue October - Ugly Side
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Foxy
So yeah the trip ….
I have to laugh because you go through the Holland Tunnel and sprint across New Jersey, which is neither here nor there, but it reminds me of one of my brother’s fav jokes. Whenever he meets somebody who say they are from Jersey he answers with ‘yeah, what exit’. Well I think it’s funny.
After three hours of intermittent sleep and reading we pull into the bus station. And there she was waiting on the parking lot. Sitting on the hood of my Foxy was my sister, my mini-me. In so many ways the 17 year old I wish I had been. Cute, athletic, and self-confident to the extreme she seems a more refined and less grating version of the arrogant rebellious teenager I was. Than again if I hadn’t come first she wouldn’t have that well worn leather jacket she was wearing. There is that, and the six extra inches of height I have.
I watched the Masters and Phillies with my dad and spent time with my sis. It was totally a good weekend. But after three months in the Village, and no trip home, I got a heavy dose of culture shock going back to rural Pennsylvania. It aint Kansas but it aint the Village either. Seriously, the birds have more colors than just gray in Pennsylvania.
But what of Foxy. After a top down, hair back, tunes blaring drive back Foxy is parked in a garage just a couple blocks away. As I look out the window I have to smile knowing I’m not as ‘trapped’ as I once felt. I know it was just a feeling but it was a feeling that was eating at me. I need to know I can just get up and go, escape if you will, and not have to depend on a bus or train schedule. Not that I’m going to drive her much, this city totally isn’t made for driving, but when I want to now I can. After all the beach season is upon us and Penn State football is only five months off.
Than there is my mini-me, I miss her already. I love my sis.
tuneage, Deftones - Rocket Skates
I have to laugh because you go through the Holland Tunnel and sprint across New Jersey, which is neither here nor there, but it reminds me of one of my brother’s fav jokes. Whenever he meets somebody who say they are from Jersey he answers with ‘yeah, what exit’. Well I think it’s funny.
After three hours of intermittent sleep and reading we pull into the bus station. And there she was waiting on the parking lot. Sitting on the hood of my Foxy was my sister, my mini-me. In so many ways the 17 year old I wish I had been. Cute, athletic, and self-confident to the extreme she seems a more refined and less grating version of the arrogant rebellious teenager I was. Than again if I hadn’t come first she wouldn’t have that well worn leather jacket she was wearing. There is that, and the six extra inches of height I have.
I watched the Masters and Phillies with my dad and spent time with my sis. It was totally a good weekend. But after three months in the Village, and no trip home, I got a heavy dose of culture shock going back to rural Pennsylvania. It aint Kansas but it aint the Village either. Seriously, the birds have more colors than just gray in Pennsylvania.
But what of Foxy. After a top down, hair back, tunes blaring drive back Foxy is parked in a garage just a couple blocks away. As I look out the window I have to smile knowing I’m not as ‘trapped’ as I once felt. I know it was just a feeling but it was a feeling that was eating at me. I need to know I can just get up and go, escape if you will, and not have to depend on a bus or train schedule. Not that I’m going to drive her much, this city totally isn’t made for driving, but when I want to now I can. After all the beach season is upon us and Penn State football is only five months off.
Than there is my mini-me, I miss her already. I love my sis.
tuneage, Deftones - Rocket Skates
the Port Authority
Finally going home for my car but first I have to survive the bus terminal.
Words can’t totally describe the Port Authority Bus Terminal, the starting point for my weekend adventure. I know they are trying to take it the way of Time Square, which is only blocks away, but is after all a bus terminal. I was even told they have remodeled the bowling alley. Nothing says ‘America’ like bowling while you wait for your bus. Now that is what makes life worth living.
Stepping from the cab and walking through the door the first thing you notice are the crowds of people. Not the same as airport crowds or train station crowds. No this is something special, the look of refugees from another world. Borderline schizophrenics escaping to New York and one time schizophrenics escaping from it, excited waifs from the Midwest with dreams of glory in their heads and a look of awe in their eyes.
I have to smile and think ‘nope this isn’t Kansas anymore.' It sounds lame but it's oh so true.
As always I have to wonder where everybody is going. Are they happy? Are they sad? Do they have a place to stay or will they be sleeping on my steps when I get back?
I just shrug and step on the bus.
tuneage, Rammstein - Amerika
Words can’t totally describe the Port Authority Bus Terminal, the starting point for my weekend adventure. I know they are trying to take it the way of Time Square, which is only blocks away, but is after all a bus terminal. I was even told they have remodeled the bowling alley. Nothing says ‘America’ like bowling while you wait for your bus. Now that is what makes life worth living.
Stepping from the cab and walking through the door the first thing you notice are the crowds of people. Not the same as airport crowds or train station crowds. No this is something special, the look of refugees from another world. Borderline schizophrenics escaping to New York and one time schizophrenics escaping from it, excited waifs from the Midwest with dreams of glory in their heads and a look of awe in their eyes.
I have to smile and think ‘nope this isn’t Kansas anymore.' It sounds lame but it's oh so true.
As always I have to wonder where everybody is going. Are they happy? Are they sad? Do they have a place to stay or will they be sleeping on my steps when I get back?
I just shrug and step on the bus.
tuneage, Rammstein - Amerika
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Observations from the Window 4.10
Six weeks.
My first six weeks of bartending is finished and now I get a break. Six weeks of little sleep, short naps whenever I can grab them, and way too much Red Bull. Six weeks finished with a breakfast of waffles, strawberries, and a beer. I know that sounds wrong but it tasted sooo good.
God I loved it and hated it at the same time ....
And what did I accomplish?
Well in six weeks I made enough in tips to park my car for a year. I signed a lease a couple days ago and I just had to smile. I miss foxy and with summer coming I can imagine putting the top down and just heading out to the beaches of Long Island. I feel a little less trapped already. And, more importantly, when fall rolls around, I can head out the interstate and party with my 100,000 friends at PSU football games. Hey some things never change. Some things really are more important than others.
I learned I still like music more than anything else. I always have and I have always been drawn to musicians. But I also learned that some music, well, just sucks. I’ve also made new friends. Friends out of my usual art world including my bartender partner who bought me breakfast and my bouncer dude who nicknamed me ‘peanut’, which just scares the hell out of me.
And what was the cost?
The jury is still out on that question. I know it’s been hard on my friends. It’s been hard on Ash who is going to make me pay I’m sure. It was emotionally and physically draining. I feel like I have like fifty hours of sleep I owe myself and have no idea when or how I’m going to pay it back. But like I always said in high school, I' sleep when I'm dead. And I know it’s been hard on a special relationship of mine, which is something I’m so very sorry for.
But I also learned something tonight, something so totally obvious. When you love somebody as a friend or a lover or whatever, well, just to spend some time with them is so just awesome.
I just have to smile
tuneage, Gnarls Barkley - Reckoner
My first six weeks of bartending is finished and now I get a break. Six weeks of little sleep, short naps whenever I can grab them, and way too much Red Bull. Six weeks finished with a breakfast of waffles, strawberries, and a beer. I know that sounds wrong but it tasted sooo good.
God I loved it and hated it at the same time ....
And what did I accomplish?
Well in six weeks I made enough in tips to park my car for a year. I signed a lease a couple days ago and I just had to smile. I miss foxy and with summer coming I can imagine putting the top down and just heading out to the beaches of Long Island. I feel a little less trapped already. And, more importantly, when fall rolls around, I can head out the interstate and party with my 100,000 friends at PSU football games. Hey some things never change. Some things really are more important than others.
I learned I still like music more than anything else. I always have and I have always been drawn to musicians. But I also learned that some music, well, just sucks. I’ve also made new friends. Friends out of my usual art world including my bartender partner who bought me breakfast and my bouncer dude who nicknamed me ‘peanut’, which just scares the hell out of me.
And what was the cost?
The jury is still out on that question. I know it’s been hard on my friends. It’s been hard on Ash who is going to make me pay I’m sure. It was emotionally and physically draining. I feel like I have like fifty hours of sleep I owe myself and have no idea when or how I’m going to pay it back. But like I always said in high school, I' sleep when I'm dead. And I know it’s been hard on a special relationship of mine, which is something I’m so very sorry for.
But I also learned something tonight, something so totally obvious. When you love somebody as a friend or a lover or whatever, well, just to spend some time with them is so just awesome.
I just have to smile
tuneage, Gnarls Barkley - Reckoner
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Constance McMillen Update 4.7
Ill just keep my mouth shut before I start to vent again. But I thought I would share some things I was reading yesterday.
“…I have a challenge to every prom committee out there in every city, town, and village across America. Show the world that we're not all like the parents and students of the Itawamba County School district. Send an invitation to Constance McMillen. You don't need to be elaborate, no pomp and circumstance, you just need to send a note to Constance, via the ACLU of Mississipi, that asks simply, "You wanna go to the prom?"
from Michael Seitzman via The Huffington Post
“…Back to present day: the school district attorney invited Constance and all the other students to a prom at the country club in Fulton, on Friday April 2nd. because of the low turn out and from sources in the area, LGR has found out that there was a “real prom” held for the school’s straight, popular students. The rumor is that school officials were directly involved in this ruse …”
from Lezgetreal
“…We can all learn a lot from Constance McMillan and how she has handled herself -- when we see something that doesn't seem right, it probably isn't. And it is the responsibility of every one of us to take some kind of action on behalf of fairness. Whether you bring up bullying at the next PTA meeting, write a letter to the Itawamba County School District, or call out your friends or co-workers when they say "faggot" or "that's so gay," you are improving the climate for queer youth -- and adults. Do something.”
from Candace Gingrich-Jones also via The Huffington Post
“Here’s the news, from a source I view as extremely reliable. The prom the school district promised at the country club in Fulton was a ruse. Only seven kids, Constance, and her date showed, and at the same time, everyone else held a “real” prom at a secret location out in the county …”
from Y’all Politics
Y’all Politics? I read to damn much ....
“…I have a challenge to every prom committee out there in every city, town, and village across America. Show the world that we're not all like the parents and students of the Itawamba County School district. Send an invitation to Constance McMillen. You don't need to be elaborate, no pomp and circumstance, you just need to send a note to Constance, via the ACLU of Mississipi, that asks simply, "You wanna go to the prom?"
from Michael Seitzman via The Huffington Post
“…Back to present day: the school district attorney invited Constance and all the other students to a prom at the country club in Fulton, on Friday April 2nd. because of the low turn out and from sources in the area, LGR has found out that there was a “real prom” held for the school’s straight, popular students. The rumor is that school officials were directly involved in this ruse …”
from Lezgetreal
“…We can all learn a lot from Constance McMillan and how she has handled herself -- when we see something that doesn't seem right, it probably isn't. And it is the responsibility of every one of us to take some kind of action on behalf of fairness. Whether you bring up bullying at the next PTA meeting, write a letter to the Itawamba County School District, or call out your friends or co-workers when they say "faggot" or "that's so gay," you are improving the climate for queer youth -- and adults. Do something.”
from Candace Gingrich-Jones also via The Huffington Post
“Here’s the news, from a source I view as extremely reliable. The prom the school district promised at the country club in Fulton was a ruse. Only seven kids, Constance, and her date showed, and at the same time, everyone else held a “real” prom at a secret location out in the county …”
from Y’all Politics
Y’all Politics? I read to damn much ....
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Observations from the Roof 4.6
With the coming of spring I have added a whole new vantage point to my view of the city around me. If the window seat is like a cocoon looking out onto the city the roof feels like the city giving me a big hug. Fill the cooler with beer, grab the limes, and climb the final two flights of stairs to the roof and a new world waits. A world centered on friends, broken down deck chairs and beer can ashtrays.
Looking out over the rooftops on a clear warm night the city seems to pulse with energy. Car horns replace crickets, neon lights replace lightning bugs, and a sheet of worn indoor outdoor carpet replaces grass in this world. Ok it’s not summer yet and I’m getting ahead of myself, but still i can feel it tonight.
It’s a funny feeling sitting up there sipping beer and talking. I first sat up here last summer on vacation and it was an instant hit with me. Than again beer is always a hit with me but I digress. Of all the things I have done since I moved here, exploring and such, up here I feel more apart of the larger city than at any other time. It’s loud and quiet, bright and dark, scary and tame, all these things at the same time.
It helps to share it with your best fiend too. Sometimes sitting around talking, talking about nothing and everything, seems to part the clouds in front of your eyes and you just have to smile.
Sports update – Phillies beat the Nationals to start the new season. Look out World Series, here we come again. F&%# the Yankees !!
tuneage, Norah Jones - Young Blood
Looking out over the rooftops on a clear warm night the city seems to pulse with energy. Car horns replace crickets, neon lights replace lightning bugs, and a sheet of worn indoor outdoor carpet replaces grass in this world. Ok it’s not summer yet and I’m getting ahead of myself, but still i can feel it tonight.
It’s a funny feeling sitting up there sipping beer and talking. I first sat up here last summer on vacation and it was an instant hit with me. Than again beer is always a hit with me but I digress. Of all the things I have done since I moved here, exploring and such, up here I feel more apart of the larger city than at any other time. It’s loud and quiet, bright and dark, scary and tame, all these things at the same time.
It helps to share it with your best fiend too. Sometimes sitting around talking, talking about nothing and everything, seems to part the clouds in front of your eyes and you just have to smile.
Sports update – Phillies beat the Nationals to start the new season. Look out World Series, here we come again. F&%# the Yankees !!
tuneage, Norah Jones - Young Blood
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Observations from the Window 4.4
Through the miracle of modern science, or more truthfully those little bottles of 5 hour energy drink, I’m sitting in the window once again as the new day begins. Not quite as nice a morning as yesterday as a heavy fog blankets the city today. A cool raw breeze sends trash tumbling down the street. Happy Easter it calls. Not quite the Easter morning I am used to but Easter just the same.
I’m too tired to be awake but yet still too wired to sleep more than a couple hours at a time. It’s almost as if I have hit some kind of reverse wall where I just stay awake instead of dropping off to sleep. I’m beginning to understand those vamp queens more and more.
A few hours ago this had all the makings of an uber melancholy post. I’m a touch homesick because I haven’t been home for months and I don’t think I have ever missed Easter at home. A dark mood was starting to grab hold of my brain. But a middle of the night conversation with a good friend seemed to melt the mood away and put a smile back on my face.
I found out Friday I finally got to the top of the waiting list for a spot in the nearby garage. That was awesome news. Hopefully sometime this week I can get home and spend some time than bring my car back with me. Maybe even my bike. Now that would be totally awesome too.
I new when I moved here that spring was going to be a big test for me. A test of how much I would miss the mountains and the open spaces. The flowers and trees, just walking bare foot in the grass. I’m going to miss a lot of things the question being how much. But with my car, and maybe my bike, I’ll survive. There are so many places too explore on Long Island and up north.
As always time will tell
tuneage, Cage The Elephant - Back Against The Wall
I’m too tired to be awake but yet still too wired to sleep more than a couple hours at a time. It’s almost as if I have hit some kind of reverse wall where I just stay awake instead of dropping off to sleep. I’m beginning to understand those vamp queens more and more.
A few hours ago this had all the makings of an uber melancholy post. I’m a touch homesick because I haven’t been home for months and I don’t think I have ever missed Easter at home. A dark mood was starting to grab hold of my brain. But a middle of the night conversation with a good friend seemed to melt the mood away and put a smile back on my face.
I found out Friday I finally got to the top of the waiting list for a spot in the nearby garage. That was awesome news. Hopefully sometime this week I can get home and spend some time than bring my car back with me. Maybe even my bike. Now that would be totally awesome too.
I new when I moved here that spring was going to be a big test for me. A test of how much I would miss the mountains and the open spaces. The flowers and trees, just walking bare foot in the grass. I’m going to miss a lot of things the question being how much. But with my car, and maybe my bike, I’ll survive. There are so many places too explore on Long Island and up north.
As always time will tell
tuneage, Cage The Elephant - Back Against The Wall
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Obsevations from the Window 4.3
Sitting in the window as the sun starts to rise just above the buildings behind me. The rays of light just begin to filter into the street below.
I watch the few rushing people in the street. Are they the last people of the night or the first of the morning? I have no idea. Heading to work? Heading home from a late night at the clubs or sneaking home from their lovers apartment? It really makes no difference I suppose. My wired brain starts to wonder about them, what kind of life they have, and what kind of problems. Are they happy or sad or do they just not care anymore? Ash tells me I need to stop worrying all the time and just live life but sometimes I think I was just born to worry.
Than it hits me that I have been almost 24 hours again with only token sleep. I did have a nap earlier today. Or was that yesterday? Do you think the brain can forget how to sleep? I’m beginning to wonder. Now I understand how the vampire queens do it, they just do it. After awhile your brain forgets it hasn’t slept and goes on as if it has.
At least I’m still smiling. I started the day off with a smile, which for personal reasons and to protect your virgin ears I won’t get into, but I’m still smiling now. Even the semi Cajun voodoo priest wannabe (complete with a fish bone in his hair, I asked) at the bar last night just made me laugh. 24 hours is a long time ....
‘We're off to never-never land’
tuneage, Metallica – Enter the Sandman
I watch the few rushing people in the street. Are they the last people of the night or the first of the morning? I have no idea. Heading to work? Heading home from a late night at the clubs or sneaking home from their lovers apartment? It really makes no difference I suppose. My wired brain starts to wonder about them, what kind of life they have, and what kind of problems. Are they happy or sad or do they just not care anymore? Ash tells me I need to stop worrying all the time and just live life but sometimes I think I was just born to worry.
Than it hits me that I have been almost 24 hours again with only token sleep. I did have a nap earlier today. Or was that yesterday? Do you think the brain can forget how to sleep? I’m beginning to wonder. Now I understand how the vampire queens do it, they just do it. After awhile your brain forgets it hasn’t slept and goes on as if it has.
At least I’m still smiling. I started the day off with a smile, which for personal reasons and to protect your virgin ears I won’t get into, but I’m still smiling now. Even the semi Cajun voodoo priest wannabe (complete with a fish bone in his hair, I asked) at the bar last night just made me laugh. 24 hours is a long time ....
‘We're off to never-never land’
tuneage, Metallica – Enter the Sandman
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Constance McMillen Update 4.1
This from the New york Times a couple of days ago, ok i missed it than ....
'JACKSON, Miss. (AP) -- An attorney says a lesbian student who sued a Mississippi school over its policy banning same-sex prom dates can bring her girlfriend to a privately sponsored dance.
Itawamba County school board attorney Michele Floyd said Tuesday that 18-year-old Constance McMillen can escort her girlfriend to the dance Friday at the Fulton Country Club.
The private prom replaces one the school district canceled rather than let McMillen wear a tuxedo and bring her girlfriend, who is also a student at Itawamba Agricultural High School.
A federal judge ruled last week that the district's actions violated McMillen's constitutional rights, but he didn't reinstate the school prom.
He said he would hold a trial on the matter later'.
That's so awesome and I am so happy for her! Plus she received a $30,000 scholarship from Ellen DeGeneres and the ACLU Let Constance Take Her Girlfriend to Prom! Facebook page has 423,000 fans and continues to grow.
But you know me. Why leave with just good news when i can find a dark cloud in the silver lining. Yesterday the Times asked students 'Should a Gay Teen Be Allowed to Take a Date to the Prom?' and invited comments from students 13 and older. One girl said it best 'Seriously? Why is this even being asked?'
But than there is this ....
'Gay and lesbian relationships are TOTALLY against God’s will. I’m sorry, but I very, strongly, disagree. I hate judging people, and it doesn;t mean their bad people, because I TOTALLY admire Ellen! But it’s gross, NOT TRYING TO OFFEND.'
At least she admires Ellen. Life goes on
tuneage
'JACKSON, Miss. (AP) -- An attorney says a lesbian student who sued a Mississippi school over its policy banning same-sex prom dates can bring her girlfriend to a privately sponsored dance.
Itawamba County school board attorney Michele Floyd said Tuesday that 18-year-old Constance McMillen can escort her girlfriend to the dance Friday at the Fulton Country Club.
The private prom replaces one the school district canceled rather than let McMillen wear a tuxedo and bring her girlfriend, who is also a student at Itawamba Agricultural High School.
A federal judge ruled last week that the district's actions violated McMillen's constitutional rights, but he didn't reinstate the school prom.
He said he would hold a trial on the matter later'.
That's so awesome and I am so happy for her! Plus she received a $30,000 scholarship from Ellen DeGeneres and the ACLU Let Constance Take Her Girlfriend to Prom! Facebook page has 423,000 fans and continues to grow.
But you know me. Why leave with just good news when i can find a dark cloud in the silver lining. Yesterday the Times asked students 'Should a Gay Teen Be Allowed to Take a Date to the Prom?' and invited comments from students 13 and older. One girl said it best 'Seriously? Why is this even being asked?'
But than there is this ....
'Gay and lesbian relationships are TOTALLY against God’s will. I’m sorry, but I very, strongly, disagree. I hate judging people, and it doesn;t mean their bad people, because I TOTALLY admire Ellen! But it’s gross, NOT TRYING TO OFFEND.'
At least she admires Ellen. Life goes on
tuneage
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